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I'm almost 20 and iv'e passed 1/4 of my GED tests, lost over 60 lb and I just passed my driving test today but I have mixed feelings about all this. When I was 10 I was diagnosed with Aspergers (high functioning Autism), Depression and a anxiety disorder. For most of my life I was told non directly and sometimes directly that I wouldn't amount to much in life. I can't write about everything that has happened to me but iv'e had a very hard childhood and teenhood because i was socially awkward and stressed out all the time, I was even bullied by my teachers and peers. During my senior year my school counselor and my parents made me drop out of school for my own sanity and because I was getting really bad grades because I couldn't focus. It was sort of expected that I would live at home forever and that maybe I would get a very easy job like working in a warehouse or something. But then at the beginning of this year I stopped feeling so anxious and depressed for whatever reason and I decided I would try to better myself. I started maturing a little bit after school but staring around February I really kicked into gear. I'm way more mature now and my parents have said that I don't seem like the same person I was a couple of years ago. So after months of practicing I finally passed my driving test today but I didn't feel happy I felt shocked and nervous. After thinking about it today I realized that I'm under prepared for success and for a "normal" life. I always thought that I would be a fat neckbeard loser forever and that I wouldn't accomplish much but this year and today has blown those thoughts and assumptions out of the water. I still have a ways to go but just thinking about what I have all ready accomplished scares me a bit. I'm just waiting for a brick wall to come to stop my success but I doesn't seem like its gonna come soon. In a weird way I want to hit a brick wall because being a loser is what i'm familiar and comfortable with.
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I guess I wrote this just to write my thoughts out but how should I cope with these feelings? Have any of you been in the same situation i'm in?
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>>18636210
tl;dr
From a quick scan it looks like you chose to better yourself and it worked.
Weird huh? Keep going, you will fuck up, that's part of being human. You can keep going after that though.
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>>18636210
Just wanted to say congratulations. Realizing and overcoming your past shit isn't something everyone has the willpower to do.
For me I think about how unhappy I was being fat. That's all I personally need to keep from faltering. I'm not perfect but I've kept 80lbs off for 5 years now.
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everyone i know with aspergers is doing miles better than me. don't let a diagnosis get you down, you've come along way and our journey has only begun. welcome to the adult world.
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>>18636210
First of all, congratulations and much respect for all you've done so far. And especially for your discovery that the labels put on you by others were just that - labels that were more for their convenience than your benefit.
Aspergers is a description, not a death sentence. It says that you have trouble reading some social signals and are therefore uneasy and awkward in some social situations. The same is true of a lot of "normal" people. In fact, high-functioning Aspergers is almost impossible to distinguish from "ordinary" nerdiness.
Much the same is true of your anxiety disorders. They are things to be overcome, not impossible barriers.
It is a real testament to your intelligence and courage that you have figured out much of this yourself, with little help (and as you suggest, a lot of hindrance) from others.
You are even aware of the next step - to find outside help to grow - to un-teach you the failure you've been trained for.
Try your parents first. They might support the "new you" and help you find new counselors and career/school guidance. Or maybe you'll have to find those people on your own.
You are correct - the new journey you're on IS scary. But it's exciting.
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>>18636210
It honestly sounds like you're on the right track, anon. Keep up the good work.
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