I'm getting married in a few months, but I'm not happy

I would have broken it off way before we got engaged, but she has no friends, her family doesn't live anywhere near us and her and her family are really poor so she depends on me a lot financially. She also depends on me a lot emotionally since she has no friends. She's got anxiety, an eating disorder, and is really depressed and has tried to commit suicide in the past. I technically have broken it off before. Last year, we broke up for a few months and during that time she became extremely depressed and talked about ending her life because she said it wasn't worth living anymore (I later learned she was planning to kill herself if we didn't get back together). I got back together with her because I was scared for her and felt it was the right thing to do anyway. She's been so happy since we got back together and then got engaged. Calling off the wedding and breaking up with her wouldn't just make her unhappy, she'd probably try to kill herself. I don't hate her or anything, she's a good person. The last thing I want is for her to commit suicide.
I feel like such a horrible person for not wanting to be with this girl. I've tried being happy about the marriage, I've tried to only focus on the good things I have with her, but I just keep coming back to wanting to be by myself. When I do get time to myself, I usually try to savor it by watching tv shows I don't normally get to watch or playing video games and then dreading her coming back and losing my freedom to spend my time how I please. Don't get me wrong, I don't want to be alone forever. If we were both in our 30's I feel like I would act differently about this. I'm afraid it's too late since both of our families and all our friends are coming to this, everyone is so excited for us, we've already paid for a lot of the wedding; I would be ruining all of my family and friends' expectations for my own selfish wants. Still, I just don't see how I'm supposed to get married when I'm so unhappy about it. (2/3)

Should I stop whining about this and just be happy I'm marrying someone who's a good person, or should I break up with her anyway? And if I should break up with her, how do I keep her from killing herself? (3/3)

Sounds like there's some aspects of your relationship that you need to work out, such as how much alone time you need.

Alone time is a valid claim, but you can only have so much of it (otherwise you're not really in a relationship), and your partner needs to know that it's not because you're mad at them or don't like them anymore.

The most logical solution would be to sit down and talk these things over with your fiancee, and she will probably understand as long as you word it nicely. It's good to air these things out now before the pressure of being a "just-married" perfect couple settles in.

If you wanted to be single so you could see other people that would be problem, but it seems like you just need more time to dick around and do your own thing.

On the other hand, if you really really really don't want to get married, call it off. Swallow your pride and call it off. The gradual deterioration and divorce years down the line will be worse than the short-term embarrassment. However, make sure you're doing it for the right reasons, and not just because you want more time to play video games.

>>18632629

Okay, now that I've read this post, disregard what I said previously.

You can't be with someone out of pity. If she's at risk of self-harm, you need to inform her family. It sounds like she has a really rough situation, but you can't marry her just because you're afraid she'll kill herself. You'll just end up resenting her.

>>18632634
>>18632641
She has one more year of school here and all of her family is scattered in different states and nowhere near here (at least a 7 hour drive). Her family would have to make a car trip just to see her. I'm not sure what I could do to help her in such a dangerous state if we were to break up.
Tbh I kind of do resent her. I'm not sure I ever loved her, and I told her I did, but she was so fucking depressed, saying that made her happier than I've ever seen her. Anyway, I resent her because I've never been on my own until last summer, and I resent her for the fact that I'll never be able to live completely independently without supporting someone or someone supporting me. I feel like I'll never be able to do what I want with my free time because I'm the past I was a kid and lived with my parents, obviously. Now, I'm gonna get married and I'll always have to consider her and do what she wants before I can consider myself. Again, this is why I feel so selfish about this.

Also, I totally understand thinking I may just want more time to play games and shit. I'm definitely a gamer, but I do have other hobbies and friends that are important in my life. I practice kickboxing and jiu jitsu, I like to go to the bar with my friends, I like to travel with my friends, I like to read and listen to music etc. Sorry, not trying to prove myself to you, just saying I'm not a loser who just plays video games.

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>>18632618

>I'm getting married in a few months, but I'm not happy about it and don't want to get married. I don't even want to be with this girl anymore.


I didn't bother reading the rest of your post. These first two sentences are the beginning and end of your problem. Leave her.

>>18632713
Honestly I would like to, but she will try to kill herself if I leave her. She has no friends, no family anywhere near here (at least 7 hour drive away), and is poor. She has nowhere to go, I can't just leave her to die.

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>>18632739

>Honestly I would like to, but she will try to kill herself if I leave her.

If she tries to or threatens to kill herself you call the police and have her committed. No ifs ands or buts.

You're not responsible for her mental health, she is. If she is actually suicidal then she doesn't need a codependent relationship with a man who doesn't want to be with her. She needs therapy. Listen to me very carefully.

You are not helping her by staying. Understand that. Internalize it. Accept it.

Allowing her to hold your life ransom with the threat of suicide will not only destroy your life but it will continue to enable her to destroy her own. She needs professional help and whether you want to believe it or not you are standing in the way of that. You can't save her life, only she can. Let her go, OP.

>>18632767

Seconding this. OP, please listen to this anon.

As someone who was kept in a long-term relationship by a partner who threatened suicide, I can tell you that it's best to leave as soon as possible. She alone is responsible for her mental health.

Besides, you'll both be happier that way; she can find someone who actually wants to be with her, and you can do your thing.