Why do people always only tout the "just move on" advice

>>18630571

>Especially in my case, where all my moods and thoughts just pop up out of pure random. Never with any warning sides. Never with any consistent or logical pattern. Just out of the blue when they want to.

It doesn't seem like moving on is a choice.

Sounds like you don't have a choice because you're not really in control of your own mind if stuff just does what it wants whenever it wants.

Or maybe I should say you don't try to exert control over your own mind, and then you run into all these issues. There are no guaranteed, 100%, will work on anyone tactics to do anything. Most people advise other to move on because we only have one side we are provided, and we can only tell the poster what to do - we can't fix their boyfriend/girlfriend for them, and we try to determine if they've made any attempts or progress towards trying to communicate, dealing with the problems and who the problem is actually caused by.

So moving on is simplest because it's easy to tell a person to extract themselves from something dangerous. It's also an easy way to get the poster to look at the pros and cons of moving on. Immediately posing the question gets the OP to think about what life would be like leaving him/her, and if it would actually be worth it.

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>>18630571
I agree that just saying "move on" isn't always the most helpful due to how vague it is; however, I truly believe that is the best piece of advice. What else is there really to say? In the end, what helps people get over the loss of someone is generally the passage of time. This time frame varies considerably depending on the individual but many times it is a conscious effort. With time the mentality of opening a new chapter happens naturally for many and for some the process can be expedited through experiences or stimulus.

Distractions never work because they don't address the core issue. Reflecting on yourself does work if you take it a step further and develop a plan that will help you execute your goal. Thinking about how you're going to make money means nothing if you don't take action.

Ultimately we are always in control of ourselves. You may not want random thought to remind you of her but you are in control of how you respond to those thoughts. I know it's hard to dismiss the thoughts but it is entirely possible.

>>18630571
Lets see, not one or two times but you always and from everyone hear the same advise, move on, but everyone is wrong.

People don't get into the detail because its exhausting to get pulled into a particular situation, however, no matter the situation the only recourse is to eventually is to move on, you know, let shit go and not let it control you.
You reject letting it go because you don't want to let it go and if 50 of us were to delve into your particular situation you will defend staying right where you are even if we point out its irrationality. Is there pain in moving on, is there a sense of loss, does it pop into your mind occasionally, all yes and you carry a scar, but you get better, it doesn't control your life and you live with it.

Or to be more blunt stop crying over something you cannot do a goddamn thing about and move on.

>>18630571
>Why do people always only tout the "just move on" advice
Because it's true. Eventually, those feelings will just fade. Maybe you've found a new girl and one day you realize that you haven't thought about the last one in months. Saying "move on" isn't some weird mental task that they are trying to suggest you do, it's just something your mind will do on it's own *if you allow it*. I can't stress that last part enough. You will move on IF YOU ALLOW YOURSELF TO MOVE ON.

>>18630571
>You will walk away from her when she has violated your integrity, and you will let her walk when her heart is closed to you. She who can destroy you, controls you. Don’t give her that power over yourself. Love yourself before you love her.

Tldr move on.

>>18630687
That never really works. You don't see, hear, or make contact with them. But the effects still play out regardless. Attempts to minimise the effects or move on just results in high levels of stress. More so than anything the relationship could've caused you. :/

>>18630718
Out of sight, out of mind.

No matter what happened to you, by not thinking about it and accepting it happened to you, sooner or later you will be free again.

>>18630731
>Out of sight, out of mind.
Doesn't work (as said in OP).

>by not thinking about it and accepting it happened to you
Doesn't work (as said in OP). Those thoughts, as with all my other thoughts, just pop up at the most random times (much like every other thoughts) with no real way to predict them (and no logical pattern or consistency). They just come and go whether or not I want them to. Always have since I was a kid. And attempts to reduce them, whether intentional, or just going with the flow, induces stress and adversarial effects. :/

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>>18630743
Psycholog.
CBT.

>>18630571

>Why do people always only tout the "just move on" advice when it comes to relationships, instead of saying something?

Because grief is a simultaneously simple yet complicated process. The destination is simple but the journey is often not. Its You're looking for a complicated answer where there is none.

There is no secret to getting over a relationship. It takes time. It takes space. It takes a concerted effort to move on. Simple yet complicated. Don't read too far into it.

>>18630746
Been in that since preteen days, and had to see around eight different doctors (excluding the post stroke ones). There's only so much they can do. :/

>Everyone keeps giving me the same advice
>When is someone going to give me advice I WANT to hear??

If "advice" was just going to be what you wanted to hear already, why even ask?

>>18630571
Nothing will work for people like you OP. People that have their head shoved so far up their own ass they shit and eat the same shit in a constant loop.

>>18630866
>People that have their head shoved so far up their own ass they shit and eat the same shit in a constant loop.
in what is he like that.

>Nothing will work for people like you OP.
then you probably fail at giving advice.

>>18630922
He keeps picking at the scab and over analyzing everything. At some point you have to say fuck it, I cannot figure this shit out and when the thought pops in your head again you don't jump back in the hole.

>>18630951
>He keeps picking at the scab and over analyzing everything.
examples?

>At some point you have to say fuck it, I cannot figure this shit out and when the thought pops in your head again you don't jump back in the hole.
sounds exactly what he's doing, only to have no difference in results.

you sound very abusive btw

>>18630866
Pretty much this, the entire op is:
>why do people say moving on doesn't cause stress? I didn't actually move on and it made me have a meltdown

>>18630970
>examples?
proof of what I am talking about. Like the child that keeps asking WHY to every answer.

>>18630996
>Like the child that keeps asking WHY to every answer.
that's an imperative characteristic, though. essential to one's well-being. the opposite of which being mere neglect and bigotry.

>>18630996
>Like the child that keeps asking WHY to every answer.
That's very important for the child's development. Hell, even as an adult that's a hugely crucial skill to have. You need to question as much as you can, as often as you can, even the consequences are stark and unrelenting.

>>18630571
To answer your question simply anon, it is the only valid advice that can be given for a generic break up question. Most relationships end, and most people move on. This process can take months or even years.

However, while extremely rare there are sometimes certain relationships one can get involved with that are all consuming. So consuming that moving on is not an option, because the relationship is the cornerstone of your existence by which every other aspect of your life and psyche is held together. This form of obsessive love is found only in those 0.01% of relationships for the poor bastards genetically susceptible to them. For them pain can only end by getting what they want, years of therapy (if it works), suicide, or accepting and living with the obsession daily. I hear you anon, the stress is killer.

>>18631010
>unrelenting

>>18630571
Maybe because you should just fucking move on.

>>18631496
How?