My girlfriend is an actress and classical musician. We've

Stopping your undue jealousy is a great goal. I hope that your therapy and medicinal approach to your issues is totally successful on that front.

I see what you're describing as something different though, namely that you're not utilizing a very common problem solving technique. You're in a situation which, jealousy aside, cannot provide a satisfactory outcome for your values. You're then asking how to overcome that obstacle. Anon, if the rock has no blood in it then the question isn't how to squeeze it. You've gotta know when you're squeezing for blood in the wrong places. Jealousy or not, an actress girlfriend cannot provide for your expectations of uniquely shared intimacy. You're barking up entirely the wrong tree.

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Also worth noting: we run into conflict when I even suggest compromise, like her still accepting roles that aren't heavy on things like french kissing, etc. Even then, she insists she has to take roles and is expecting me to be supportive, even if it involves something like that.

>>18620085
She wants to break up with you

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>>18620096

I'm going to take a wild guess and say that no, she doesn't, since we're in a strong relationship and she tells me every day she loves and adores me and spoils me at every opportunity.

You're wrong. She has already made up her mind weeks ago that she's break up with you.

>>18620039
As someone who did a lot of acting in high school and college, I can tell you that kissing on stage or on set is fucking awful and not intimate in the slightest. You perceive it as intimate because you're a part of the audience, but to the actor/actress it's just another scene to get through.

There is no compromise to be had here; she either takes the roles or she doesn't. There's no in between. If she wants to pursue acting as a career then yes, she does HAVE to take any role she can get. Telling her she can't because of your mental problems isn't very fair to her.

This is a strictly a personal problem on your end and is just something you're going to have to deal with or end the relationship if you can't. You've only been together for 5 months so don't act like it's the end of the world.

>>18620176

>don't act like it's the end of the world

good pun

Aside from that, I'm just generally worried. I've heard a lot about actors growing emotionally attached to one another because of the roles that they play, and I'm afraid of that happening. It's hard for me to understand how physical contact with someone like that, especially in scenarios of deep and very passionate kissing, can be a detached experience for actors/actresses.

>>18620138
And yet she keeps doing the exact thing that hurts and worries you the most, and rejects the possibility of a compromise. Something is not adding up here.

>>18620219

She's insistent that I'm overreacting because it's 'just acting', and that she 'has to do it' if it comes down to whether or not she gets a role. According to her (and it's most likely very true), actors/actresses who are starting out don't get a break if they don't want to really do something because they're cannon fodder.

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>>18620039

>What can I do to stop this jealousy?

Continue to take therapy and be as honest and objective with yourself as possible. If you make your mental illness her problem and insist she live her life according to the strict guidelines of your irrational insecurity then every girl you ever love will eventually grow to resent you and leave you.

This is a promise. Either you learn to address your issues in a healthy way that don't require your girlfriend to sacrifice her well being to appease you or get used to all of your girlfriends leaving you. Those are your options.

>>18620039
I didn't even know RJ was a real thing aside from just feelings.

Anyway, about your situation. I would never find myself dating an actress for the same reason you're on /adv/ right now. My suggestion? You've only been together for 5 months, break up and move on. You telling her to quit her career is like her asking you to stop being jealous. It just won't happen just because you ask. Save yourself the future heartache and finish it on good terms.

>>18620239
Anon, I'm just giving you my outsider's perspective. I understand her reasoning and in normal circumstances I would tell you to just get over the jealousy and let it go. But since you suffer from RJ and BPD, I understand that even with meds and therapy it will be harder for you to get over it. I'm sure she knows that too, and she probably knows that her rationalizing while maybe excuses her actions, doesn't change much how you feel about the whole thing. It's a big red flag in my opinion; it shows that she cares more about her budding career than you or your relationship. And it's okay, it's her right - but it makes everything between you two more shaky and it doesn't help you with overcoming your jealousy. So either she does it without realising the possible negative impact her actions will have on you and the relationship, or she does it because she values her possible career more, or because she knows what the outcome will be (the relationship turning bitter and deteriorating) and that's what she's aiming for.

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>>18620253

This was probably the most helpful post of the thread.

Thanks, anon. I'll remember this.

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>>18620265

We've been friends for longer than that, and I genuinely love her. I feel so strongly for her that it really hurts me to think of life without her. Still, it's incredibly painful that she won't even slightly compromise for the sake of our relationship.

>>18620266

I don't think she's aiming for our relationship to end. I think she anticipated me being able to cope with it, but I can't - at least, not right now. We've barely been able to work through my RJ over her past relationships and intimacies, and only now have we reached solid ground on those. With this revelation, it's just pulling back the curtain on one of the things I was afraid of most: her being intimate with strangers (even if I'm the only party perceiving it that way) and her developing feelings for someone else.

I'm extremely torn and don't know what to do. I love her, and I'm trying really hard to not let it bother me, but because of other conditions it does to an extraordinary amount. I want to stay with her, but I love her so much that I'd rather sacrifice the relationship and my own happiness to let her pursue her goals unhindered.

>>18620294
Anon, while >>18620253 is absolutely right, it has to be taken into account that you have a disorder that makes the jealousy issue more complicated for you and your partner than it is for other people.

So now either you manage to work out your issues with her acting-kissing other people asap, she stops or at least puts on hold acting-kissing until you manage to take care of your emotions or your relationship will deteriorate. I understand that you don't want to hold her down, I understand that she wants to live her life and pursue her goals. Unfortunately your situation is a bit more complicated than usual and it makes these things less likely to work out if nothing changes. I must honestly say that I'm surprised she isn't more understanding towards your jealousy issue, I assume she knew about your disorders before you two started dating and she must know that even for many 'normal' guys having a gf who habitually engages in acting-kissing would be a bitter pill to swallow. And the fact that he won't budge and go for any form of a compromise baffles me too. I have a feeling that you love her more than she loves you or that she is less emotionally sensitive than you. I'm either case this is a serious imbalance that has to be taken care of.

>>18620350

How am I supposed to approach that, though? She's told me that she's deadset on not letting anyone or anything get in the way of her career and goals (she had a very intrusive childhood and is comforted in the security she has around her career plans). I don't know how to come forward to her about it anymore. I've told her, she refuses, just says it's acting. When I tell her I will have to leave if she can't compromise, she tells me I'm being irrational and that in the way I do my job, she has to do hers. It hurts. I don't know what to do.

>>18620371
>When I tell her I will have to leave if she can't compromise, she tells me I'm being irrational
The problem here is that while she is right, doing what she does and expecting you to just deal with it is irrational too. She is aware of how painful and hard to overcome this situation is for you and yet doesn't have enough empathy or will to make it easier for you. It's not how things work in relationships. The message here is very clear: her career >>> you and the relationship. Some people are okay with having partners who prioritise their careers. Are you? If you are not, then I'm sorry but I don't see this thing working out. The unfortunate combination of her dedication and ambition and your mental issues makes this relationship *extremely* challenging. She is unwilling to compromise and unwilling to understand why you can't just be rational and get over it and you are unable to get over it. If you can't count on her changing her mind any time soon and can't change your mind and feelings regarding this kissing thing anytime soon... What is left? Nothing, because the conflict is there and will most likely escalate creating more and more resentment and bitterness between you two. My verdict is that you two are too different on emotional levels and simply not compatible. It's not my place to say whether you should or shouldn't stay in this relationship - it's up to you. But I know from my own experience that making it work when you're incompatible with your partner on a fundamental level is exhausting and eventually ends in a failure.

>>18620198
i used to be an actress/ have experience in plays and movies

i can tell you that probably over half the time cast members date other cast members etc... usually throw big ass cast parties too

>>18620096
on the contrary, she's trying to follow her career and is doing her best to put with this freak at the same time.

>medicating jealousy

jesus fucking god america

>>18620727
Agree anon, hard to get my head around the insanity. Retroactive jealousy, how far up your own ass does someone have to crawl to find that one?