I wanna die so fucking bad, but I can't bring myself to

>>18617241
The answer to life is 42 FYI
Killing yourself is useless it will just make someone have to clean up your shit , literally when you die you shit your pants and do you really wanna be that guy who the corner remembers as ramen shit guy ?

>>18617241
Why are you wanting to kill yourself?

I am in a similar situation, only it's my dad I don't want leaving behind. Every time I was almost at that suicidal breaking point I would think of my dad and I'd stop my harm, knowing life was worth living if it meant that my dad wouldn't have to carry the weight of my death on his shoulders.

I ended up calling him and opening up about this, and his response was essentially "If you really wanted to die, you would've done it by now".

It broke me for a bit. Felt sort of like my only "reason" for living gave me some sort of... permission to die? Or almost dared me to go through with it? ...Even though my "reason" has lost its value, if that makes sense, I still know I can't kill myself. It's easier for me to enter fits of despair and self harm without my dad as my motivation, but it's also easier for me to think realistically about how I can't pull the plug even if it's the last thing I think I want.

What I'm trying to say is...if your mother is your reason, then it must mean you were at least LOOKING for a reason.

Similar to how you can want to die without any clear reason why, you can also want to live without any clear motivation or goal. Although knowing "why" you barely want to keep existing helps you stay afloat, you've got to learn how to keep going without that "because" in your life.

I have to keep living "because" such and such.

"I have to keep living" is good enough. Don't put all of your eggs in one basket, especially one that is as unreliable and as ever-changing as another human being. It ends badly.

You don't need a reason to keep living, you just sort of... have to. I'll promise I will continue, maybe you can too.

Maybe nobody will understand why you want to die, maybe you won't either. You might not ever know what you WANT when you're alive, or why you are alive. Being alive is all you should do.

I just hope you can trust some random internet schmuck when I say I feel for you and I hope you make it.

Live for your mother, man. Go out and get a job, make her happy.

Once she hits the bucket feel free to jump off a roof.

Kill your mom first.

>>18617241
Why do you want to die?

I am a suicide survivor who use to feel the same. Maybe we can talk about it.