What is a wife to think when her husband has dissapeared about

As a woman 100% sounds like he does not GAF and may cheat or is thinking about it or is depressed or dealing with a secret heroin addiction. Suggest relationship therapy, snoop through his phone email, or force him to fess up.

I cannot snoop his phone it's password locked.
We have kids.
I think he might have a meth problem or a coke problem. He did some work with a good friend of mine who told me that he was concerned. Said he showed up wired, worked for a few hours, demanded cash and then made some calls and left.


He tries to say that he's just doing drugs. But I know drugs and whores go hand in hand.

I don't understand why he turns off his phone if he isn't with a woman and he is scared to pick it up and I will hear her voice.

>>18616268
The fact he trans his phone off is suspicious, especially if this is out of character for him.
>Red flag

>he says he was just driving around drinking by himself
Loser
> claimed he was doing coke with a male friend
Homosexual

So how do I get him to confess?
I know he's a hardcore liar and will lie to the bitter end unless I throw a total fit.
He's honestly the kind of person I could find evidence and he would still try to lie it away.

>>18616283
I never picked up a call when I first started taking drugs. Couldn't handle talking to anyone because I was too fucked up. Drug or women you need to talk about this with your husband. Hopefully it's women, drugs will destroy your family completely.

>>18616306
>find evidence

Then you confront him. If he still lies than you have a serious choice to make.

>>18616306
hire a private detective to find evidence and go to your lawyer with it for a breakup or go to relationship counselling immediately

btw i'm very sorry this is happening to you, it's so hard when the people we love hurt us

from my perspective it sounds like he is a piece of shit bit i'm sure all the ocytocin of having sex and years of life together and kids is keeping you around

if there's something to be salvaged stay if not find your way out and leave

>>18616322
Well I know he has a drug problem.
But I think it might be both now.
He was also recently diagnosed with bipolar 2 he's been on medication for about 2 months and seems a little better.

This is the 5th time it's happened and I specifically told him not to leave tonight and go disappear. The second I fell asleep he was gone. I called once and he turned off the phone. He came home and said he was just driving around drinking. Says the phone died right after I called. But he has a car charger.

I went off.
I told him I am tired of his drug problem, that he is getting old and disappointing, that he isn't a good influence for our kids, and that I would rather raise them myself then keep raising them with him doing this all the time.

I also told him that I believed he was cheating. Which I do.
I don't think it's just drugs. He lies to my face about drugs so much, I am sure he could lie about a woman.

>>18616331
I'm starting to feel ready to leave. I work full time very hard at a good job and I make more money than him right now but he doesn't treat me with respect at all. I have multiple advanced degrees. I feel like I deserve some respect for all I do.

I never get 5 hours to turn off my phone and disappear. He would accuse me of cheating and my kids need me. I'm a very loyal wife and good mom, and whatever is going on, I don't think turning off your phone and disappearing is okay.
It used to make me cry and spazz out but this time I didn't cry and I am starting to consider leaving.

>>18616268
obviously cheating
initiate divorcerape.exe

>>18616344
How old are the kids? Do they ask why dad leaves for Walgreens?

>>18616381
No they are too little

>>18616373
Why do you say that?

Everyone is saying get evidence how do I get evidence?

Tell him you're going to divorce him if he does it again?

>>18616268
He's secretly gay or seeing a women.

Talk to him about it.

>>18616418
I said that last time and it stopped for about 3 weeks.

He wouldn't get out of bed today and he told our kids he wanted to die and they were going to have a stepdad soon.

>>18616437
I have tried. He vehemently denies it.
The weird thing is except for these moments he seems in love with me usually. He texts me all the time how much he misses me when he is at work. But then he dips out and gets really nasty the next day usually has me in complete tears.
Then he will apologize a day or two later and tell me how much he loves me and promise to never to it again.

>>18616438
The more you say the worse this sounds. He has severe issues and is not taking responsibility for them. I would leave asap.

>>18616449
I will be honest.
It feels both:
A) very hard to be rational
B) emotionally painful
C) frightening to be a single mom

I mean, I do love this person. I have given much of my life to him. But he promised to work to be a better person and overcome his emotional and behavioral issues. He's been abusive in the past and he is becoming increasingly more emotionally and verbally abusive.

I feel that I've been manipulated and badly taken advantage of, but it's very hard to "escape" from all of this.

Going to give you the perspective from a child who's father was a cheating meth/herioine addict.

Leave him. For the sake of your children, leave him. He is cheating on you, and he will most likely give you an STD at some point because he is being reckless. Even if he's using condoms, which I promise you he isn't, he can get something from sharing dirty needles with friends who are having unprotected sex

The stress you're having is going to affect your children. You will eventually begin to fight, and the fighting is going to emotionally damage your children. He's going to become careless around your children and do things that will fuck up their trust in people and relationships when they go into adulthood.

My dad used to use spending time with me as an excuse for taking car rides out to a meth house, where he'd leave me locked in the car with the radio on while he spent hours doing drugs inside. I was trained to lie and say we were running errands and my mother never suspected that I was being left alone while he got loaded and had sex, and I had no idea what he was doing in those houses. Just that I was doodling in the car and listening to whatever I wanted.

The best years of my childhood where when my dad was in prison, because there was actual peace and stability in the house. When she dated, her boyfriends were positive role models and I really liked them, and would beg my mom to stay with them instead of going back to my dad.

My parents eventually divorced anyway because my dad left my mom for a drug addict girlfriend whom he's still with, and he's still doing drugs.

If you want to wait until you have evidence, then go for it, but for the sake of your children, please leave this guy. Otherwise your children are going to be paying for therapy when they leave the house and resent the fact that you ruined their chances at having a stable childhood with adults they could trust.

He's bipolar. Trust me on this from experience. He most likely has very little tolerance to temptation, and will end up doing whatever he wants, and rationalizing every moment of it. I'm certain he is doing the drugs and cheating too, and he'll be sincerely sorry after, but do it again anyway. There is no cure for bipolar depression, only meds that help sometimes. I'm sorry that you are going through hell trying to save your marriage, but you're going to be so relieved when it's over and behind you. Best of luck...

He just popped into the bedroom after slamming around the kitchen to demand the box of cheezits he threw against the wall earlier.

Then he told me that I am wrong for telling anyone that he dissapeared last night and trying to convince me that I am a bad person for telling a close friend and a family member that he disappeared when they asked me today if things are any better between us.

I think he is insane and very controlling. But I have been dealing with this for a long time now and my mind is confused.

When I do think rationally and accept that something bad is happening I feel better and more beautiful and if feels easier to breathe.

But then I question myself and feel weak and beaten down by him and afraid that he is right and I am just a dumb cunt who is failing all his tests.

File: Cycle-of-Abuse.png (31KB, 650x452px) Image search: [Google]

31KB, 650x452px

>>18616491
Get help. Get outside help from a professional. I don't know if that's a medical professional, a church counselor, or a battered women's hotline, for the love of god get help. You've already been conditioned to take his shit and you're finding excuses to accept his behavior. He will begin beating you next, and by then you'll probably be too afraid to seek help when you need it most. Talk to someone, be honest, record incidents, just please take care of yourself.

>>18616488
Thanks for telling me this.
This sounds EXACTLY like him. He always seems sorry after but he could do the exact same thing literally even hours later.

He will also lie his ass off right to my face.

He's becoming incredibly agitated and verbally abusive and slamming doors and threatening to kill himself.
I'm sure he will keep me up all night even though I have an important business function tomorrow and also a good bit of work to do before Monday. Not to mention caring for my kids.

He will keep coming in and out of the bedroom slamming doors getting more and more violent until I am crying and threatening to call the police. He may physically hurt me by grabbing my wrists until they are bruised or slamming my head to the floor

He will be very very sorry and love me tomorrow

>>18616268
He's either fucking someone else, doing a shit ton of drugs, or committing some other crime.


Look on the bright side OP, he could just be murdering prostitutes.

>>18616411
Hire a detective.

>>18616488
Why do you say he is cheating too.

We don't use protection. I can't believe he could possibly be bringing home STDs.

Also let me ask.
As bipolar, does he KNOW he is lying and being a douchebag and torturing me? Is he basically a sociopath who knows but doesn't care?
Or does his sickness make him think he is a totally upstanding person and nothing he is doing is wrong?

>>18616527
Being bipolar doesn't have anything to do with being a douchebag and torturing you, bipolar just makes impulse control null during manic episodes. He has to have the original personality to make him lie and a sociopath to act that way. Bipolar just kills your impulse control and makes you seek pleasure, and maybe his idea of pleasure is torturing you but the torturing isn't part of bipolar.

https://psychcentral.com/disorders/manic-episode/

He may have inflated self-esteem and see himself as a type of godlike figure, but it won't make him violent and wanting to purposely hurt you unless that's how he originally felt before the manic episode.

>>18616535
I see. Yes he has very inflated self esteem. He has a very big dick but he gets the delusion that I should support him financially and do everything for him because his dick is soooo awesome.

Last night I told him specifically his dick wasn't that awesome and he is having some sort of mental breakdown today.

I mean, it's a nice penis and the only one I have had or wanted for six years but it isn't so awesome that I want to be basically his mom and be treated like crap.

>>18616535
Oh great sexual indiscretions is a symptom.....

Yea this is DEFINITELY what he has. I never realized this is what they meant by manic.

He like won't sleep at all, acts like he is the boss man and starts treating me like I'm total shit that should worship the ground he walks on, and then goes out and does drugs or turns his phone off and does God knows what.
Will he ever get better?
He's been on meds for two months. I haven't seen much improvementz

Great so it sounds like he is definitely cheating too.

I'm just crying I don't know... that describes him exactly -- It just hurts.
I guess I didn't understand really what bipolar is and I thought that he had some behavioral issues he would grow out of.

I wonder how many times he has cheated on me....

>>18616546
He might, he might not. It's an entire crap shoot with bipolar disorder. Some medications work on certain people, some people struggle for years to find the medication that works for them. It's just not the medication alone though, he has to want to change or the pills won't do shit to control the basic desires.

I have bipolar disorder, and it took me 4 years to find medication that consistently works. During that time, I had to have a "handler" that I trusted to watch over me, but the entire time I was the one who wanted me to change and no one else. I had to have someone hold my car keys for me, hold my money, and basically take care of me during manic episodes. The episodes were short though, maybe one month out the year, but they were followed by depressive episodes that were absolute shit.

The thing is, I still have mini manic episodes even though I'm properly medicated and I have to use a fuck ton of self control to manage myself and my desires. It's a battle he's going to be fighting for the rest of his life, and depending on what kind of person he is, he might give in his desires from time to time and there's nothing anyone but himself can do about it.

>>18616578
Wow.
Well this has been enlightening.

I honestly didn't understand what bipolar was - I didn't understand the manic part as mania. I see so clearly now, he fits all the symptoms.

It's really painful for me as a spouse though. I'm not sure that I can tolerate it.

>>18616546
Hold on.... your husband was diagnosed as bipolar, and you hadn't done any sort of research on it?

>>18616655
Not OP, but I don't think he was diagnosed. Other people here suggested it and she feels he has it.

>>18616550
you should get tested, anon

>>18616268
usually when they stop responding they are getting high/drunk

>>18616667
She says he was. See >>18616335

>>18616782
Jesus Christ, then she really didn't do her homework. What a shit show. I'd hate to say it, but she seriously lives in denial and I don't really think things are going to change if she doesn't want to see the big picture.

OP, your relationship is fucked. If you don't leave him soon, expect to live the rest of your marriage in an awful relationship walking on eggshells until he eventually divorces you because he found a new sugar mamma who won't give him shit about his problems.