Hi /adv/, I don't know what to do at the moment, perhaps

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Hi /adv/,

I don't know what to do at the moment, perhaps you can help out. Since a couple of years, I guess a year or 5, perhaps 10. I have these flashes of things I did in the morning.

It sometimes are minor things, like that I lied about something and almost got caught. Sometimes that I almost killed myself, accidentally btw. I am not suicidal. Or that I was in a fight. Sometimes more serious stuff. Betrayal and such. Sometimes also things from other people. But usually it are just minor stupid things.

It is like a train of memory, but one that hurt almost physically. I also get them in the evening. Best thing I can do is just let it go and wait until it stops, but it isn't pleasant.

Since I have children, they got worse. I am behaving much better now then in the past. Always on the correct side of morality, however it keeps coming. I tried to get help from a psych, but it didn't help, when I try to talk, nothing comes out. I have a very secretive nature. My speech just blocks.

It is driving me to drugs usage, just to shut it out. What should I do?