Very often I feel like my mind "splits" into two parts,

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Very often I feel like my mind "splits" into two parts, my normal thoughts and a huge mess of existential dread, panic attacks, anxiety fits, and suicidal thoughts, the way I express it is I feel this overwhelming "blankness" in my forhehead, sort of like a numbing sensation and I would just look like I'm zoning out with my eyes wide open. What's going on in my head is I can hear the rational part of my mind go "what the fuck are you doing dude stand up and get some water and watch some rick and morty or something", and the other part screaming with sometimes the most fucking terrible thoughts and feelings I've ever had, recalling childhood trauma and trying to predict how fucked up I'll be in the future. What's going on with me?