How do I build self-confidence? I'm weak as fuck, fat as

>>18609515
bump

>>18609515
You should lose weight.

>>18609883
i am

what else?

>>18609515
pls respond /adv/

>>18609515
>>18611143

>How do I build self-confidence?

You hate yourself, at least going by what you write. Start working on not hating yourself. Think about a couple things that would make you respect yourself and do them.

But be realistic. "Get a GF" can't be the first item on the list.

>>18609515
Losing weight or improving on your flaws won't help. If you have low self-confidence, you'll always find something to hate yourself for.

You need to find the reason why you're so intent on depreciating yourself like that. When did it start? What type of situation makes it worse? Etc.

Self-hate is a learned behavior so you gotta find out how and when your learned it, then unlearned it and replace it with healthy self-image.

Once you do that, you'll be able to improve. Trying to improve through self-hate and self-guilt doesn't work, those are unhealthy motivators and it just leads to more shit.

It doesn't matter...

Listen to my post and not the others.

>>18611161
>When did it start?
It's always been there. I was quiet and somewhat afraid to speak my mind when I was young so it just snowballed from there.
>What type of situation makes it worse?
Going outside. Talking to people I'm not comfortable with etc etc

Everything you don't like about yourself can be changed, it just requires effort on your part. If you don't like something, change it.

>>18611238
I really do want to change. Are there any good books on this?

>>18611241

Stop looking for an isolated and passive way to "solve" the problem.

The solution is going out, doing shit with people and failing sometimes. You can't wait until you are "ready" to do it.

>>18611232
You should give it some thought. Being quiet isn't a bad thing, but why were you afraid of speaking your mind?
You could get a therapist to talk about it with. Most likely they'd be able to help you pinpoint what kind of thinking got you there, and how to reverse it. DBT skills in particular are good, so if you can afford it, you should consider seeing a DBT therapist.

There should be DBT (dialectical behavior therapy) resources online as well.

I don't suffer from low self-confidence myself but I gotta ask, would you talk about a friend the way you talk about yourself? "Weak as fuck, fat as fuck, ugly as shit, nothing to be proud of" and so on? Would you say that about another human being?

>>18611248
Failing can be crippling to people who have low self-confidence. Going out and trying until it works isn't a reliable solution.
OP sounds like he wants to go out and socialize, but is crippled by fear and low self-confidence. Pushing him will worsen the problem.

>>18611282
>Failing can be crippling to people who have low self-confidence.

Yeah, and realizing they won't die just because they lost a friend is a necessary step. He is already trapped in a vicious circle of low self esteem. Retreating more into himself won't save him.

you said it yourself
you consider weak as a negative thing, so become strong, start a sport, start physical work
you are ugly, fix your teeth with a dentist, get a fitting hairstyle, dress better
fat as fuck, stop being fat then
no experience with the opposite sex, start talking to women, i dont understand hows befriending a female helps but do that if you think thats a good thing

you already know what to do, do it
or not, and remain in self pity till you are too tired of yourself

>>18611282
anything can be crippling, ppl who succeed take risks, that doesnt mean you will always succeed if you take risks, more over theres entirely ZERO guarantee you will succeed at all, but if you dont even try, you will never know

>>18611284
Telling him to rely on trial and error won't save him either. Ever heard of exposure therapy?

>>18611161
>Losing weight or improving on your flaws won't help. If you have low self-confidence, you'll always find something to hate yourself for.

This is fucking retarded advice. I have low self confidence and used to be fat. I'm not really "fit" but I'm a normal body weight now and can dress well without looking like the fat dude that's trying to dress well but still looks bad because he's fat. I also can take my shirt off in public(beach, pool, etc) and not feel like everyone is judging my gross flabby body. Girls are also a lot nicer to me in general because I look better and it makes attempting to be more outgoing a lot easier when girls are at least mildly receptive. I hadn't kissed a girl(outside of like 7 years old) until I was 26 and managed to get laid a year after.

>>18611288
My point isn't OP shouldn't try anything.
My point is, he shouldn't try anything overwhelming for him, cause that would only reinforce his insecurities.
OP should start small, and build self-confidence from that, as well as from a better mental health.
There's a difference between cowardice and caution.

>>18611313
>This is fucking retarded advice. I have low self confidence and used to be fat.
Then... is your self-confidence sky-high now?

You suck at everything. You shouldn't have confidence. Stupid useless ugly fat people with lots of confidence are the worst.

Instead, you should work on correcting all the faults you listed above.

>>18611310

Will a book help him more than real life?

>>18611370
So... no, you've never heard of exposure therapy. I got my answer thanks.

>>18611317
It isn't, but it's a shit ton more than it was when I was fat, and all I had to do was change what I eat and drink. I'm working on being more social, but it's still easier to talk to girls when if they think you're hitting on them while making small talk they don't have a mild look of disgust on their face.

>>18611393

Tell us about it, so OP can use it.

>>18611406
People with low self-esteem are either people like you, who hate their flaws and want to change them, or people whose self-esteem is pathological self-hatred. The latter can't be improved on with lifestyle changes, it requires introspection and / or therapy, then lifestyle changes.
It looks like OP deserted the thread anyway so there's little point in arguing what's best for him.

>>18611414
You can also google it.

Exposure therapy in general is about facing your fear little by little.
The first step is to ask the patient to make a list of actions related to their fears, from 1 to 10, 10 being impossible for them and 1 being comfortable.
A therapist specialized in exposure therapy will then give exercises to the patient, such as
>face lvl 1 situations every other day, and lvl 2 situations once a week
and they'll adapt to the patient's progress, the ultimate goal being to ease them step by step into an environment they couldn't deal with before.

>>18611444
Test

>>18611444

So he needs a professional, not a book. He needs to stop isolating himself and facing his fear. For example, by going out and dealing with people. As I said.

Good thread

>>18609515
>weak
>fat

sounds like you already know what your problems are, you just need to believe you can change them.

Boo fucking hoo. Download the StrongLifts app, start meditating everyday & check back with us in a month. You gotta help yourself first, OP.

I feel the same as op but am 5'8 and cant gain weight if I try. Not sure if my face is average or below average, although it's not hard to find uglier guys my age. My figure is feminine as fuck for 24(wide hips, curves, ect.) and makes me think I'll look more awkward and pathetic if i start lifting.

>>18613558
>24(wide hips, curves, ect.) and makes me think I'll look more awkward and pathetic if i start lifting.
I feel you bro. Unless I wear baggy clothing my body looks like a fucking pear.