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So I've been browsing /adv/ for a while, first time here, you can tell because I try to identify myself instead of being anon. Came looking for advice to change my life, but left with something I didn't expected. And this is the fact that sometimes, we humans just need someone to talk to, full honesty, with no shame, no fear of being judged. So I was wondering, why is it easier to do so with someone online who you don't even know...why can't I feel this way with even my closest friends...I don't get it.
I was talking with a girl, we met online, skyped a lot, but our meeting was gonna take a long time, and she didn't wanted a long distance relationship, so I gotta respect that. But we were treating each other like a couple already, and we talked and trusted everything. We "paused" everything until we get to meet, but I don't feel like I can talk with her anymore about anything, it's sad, and it feels really sad to think about being forgotten. Is it about strenght? Should I change myself to be ready to meet her, or to be ready to not feel the pain?...
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>>18605243
Hi Op, welcome to the land of truth. Hugs to you.
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how big is that distance?
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>>18605243
So, about the trust you have in Anon, on a site where you can easily be told to go and kill yourself. You trust that nobody on /adv/ can really get to you, yet some might be supportive, so its worth trying.
Fear of rejection drives a lot of what we do. Over-thinking is another related problem. And anxiety is in the same basket. Most of us will not build an intimate relationship with someone when there is fear of rejection, and to build that trust there is an initial process of exchanging little tokens of intimacy, which can increase and increase over time. If you are aware of it you can speed it up by going a little faster (not too fast).
Biologically there is a hormone, Oxcytcin, which greatly encourages such intimacy and trust. In the beginning of a relationship it floods you, and kick-starts the intimacy thing.
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>>18605263
I won't be able to travel until maybe 2019, we will both meet in the USA, but she's still too young. I just wanted to make sure she wouldn't forget me by then, and work my ass off until that time, maybe talk daily about what I accomplished on that day. But now I can't even talk to her properly.
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>>18605282
I guess my only solution is to be her friend until we can meet. But it hurts, maybe because we got too confident on each other. Now we just gotta treat us like we treat other friends.
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>>18605290
Yes, keep contact. Most likely you and she will start local relationships and this one will become a memory. But. But. But. There's always a chance.
I speak from experience. I met someone ten years ago, was amazingly trusting and intimate, but long distance. Really long distance. So had to let it lapse. Both had local relationships. But we just got together after 9 years and we are engaged.
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>>18605331
Man that is honestly beautiful, and I'm glad you where able to acomplish that.
I wish you guys the best.
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>>18605348
tnx OP
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>>18605243
Omg webkinz....that brings back childhood memories
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>>18605243
Ditch Skype. Use Wire.
Also, don't stay in contact unless both of you believe its going to end with you two in a relationship. If both parties don't hold this expectation, then this is just going to drag you down and invest in something that may never pay out.
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