hey /adv/, had a really good life until late 2008 when my mental

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hey /adv/, had a really good life until late 2008 when my mental health started to go downhill. 10 years later and even though I'm still relatively young and straight edge outside drinking my mental health has fallen off a cliff in the last few months.

I'm starting to hit a wall after 10 years of roughly 3-5 panic attacks a week and my anxiety/OCD progressively getting worse. In the last 2 years suicidal thoughts have started to enter my mind and this year they have gotten to the point where I've planned my suicide and I just need the courage. The problem is, part of my anxiety is a fear of death. I'm completely ready to die, but my anxiety is preventing me. I can't fly in planes and I can barely handle being in a car anymore. How the fuck do I jump off the suicide spot near me?

TL;DR: I'm afraid to live and afraid to die, what kind of life is that? How do I get the courage to commit lads? Do i need to right every wrong first or something?