Accepting your partners former loves. Does anyone have a positive

>>18595014
My girlfriend has dated and been with a few people. I've been with more, so I have more to say involving exes. There was a time when I would be upset at the mention of an ex. The worst was when she said her previous ex satisfied her a bit more in the bedroom than I currently did. It hurt a bit, but I used is as motivation to get better, which I did and continue to improve. In truth, it still bothers me a teeny bit. Still, I don't let it get to me. For her, she can get hung up on the fact that I had past loves. When that happens, I always explain to her that the love I feel for her is different than any I could've her experienced. And then EVERYTHING better. I plan on marrying her, so our pasts will be totally moot at some point.

>>18595032

Ouch, her honesty in that department was probably a bit insensitive to you, she didn't need to compare you to an ex to get across the point that your love life could improve.

You took it like a man though, I don't know how I would have reacted to a statement like that, thats a massive blow to any mans ego.

>>18595039
Even though I took the honesty well, I can't say it didn't kill internally for a while. What really helped was knowing that I was a much better person and boyfriend than her previous. Not even a competition.

I've never dated but want to get married one day
the thought of knowing that the guy I might end up loving has loved before me, that he's shared intimate moments with another woman who wasnt me kills me
That even though he's with me and loves me, there'll be one day when something reminds him of her and he's melancholic about it, silently to himself, regardless of how much he loves me.That makes me sad, and I accept it'll happen, but it still kills me
I want to be his only one

>>18595014
I think most of the people share that sentiment.

But I would however say that I feel a bit different about it. I have no problem with past loves, my gf has had a 8 year relationship with the guy who took her virginity.
In that 7 years he cheated on her, and she fucked a guy from her teen years on a holiday for revenge. But they got back together.

And you know what, the longterm boyfriend doesn't matter. Its the ONS or random hookups that really bother me.
Its usually something to with wanting to feel special for having sex with her, like how can you do the same kinky shit to a random guy as to your bf?
Then what is the "physical" benefit of being in a committed relationship?

(for example I dont do oral on girls that are not someone Im seriously interested in)

>>18595094

That's an interesting perspective, before my first relationship the though never really crossed my mind, I think before I knew what love felt like I didn't realise how irrational and possessive it would make me.

What you say is true however, I am in love with the girl I am with right now, but I have had fleeting moments where something would remind me of a past relationship and I'll smile to myself. Its more in appreciation of my past and where its brought me as opposed to pining over an ex. I wouldn't trade the girl I'm with now for anything or anyone.

>>18595014
I am an extremely possessive person - I am the kind of person who wants to spend all her time with her partner and wants to share everything, know everything and love everything about them. My husband and I literally spend 90% of our time off together.
You can imagine how hard it was for me to accept that he shared himself with other women.

My way of dealing with it was simply realising that if he didn't, he wouldn't be the man I love so much. That sharing himself with those women, being with them, learning from them made him the person he is today and is part of the reason why I love him so much.

>>18595109

I agree with you, I hate some aspects of what love does to me, I hide it all because its destructive behaviour so no relationship I've had has known the full extent of how possessive and jealous I truly feel because I stifle any behaviour that comes across that way.

Whoever is with me generally thinks I am the most trusting, carefree person but little do they know :/ haha

>>18595117
I'm not even jealous. I don't doubt that he's faithful, or would ever go out of my way to control him, or anything like that.
I am just greedy. I always want to touch him, talk to him, be with him, go out with him, hear his voice, look at him. When I love someone I get extremely obsessive. I'm possessive in a "I want to be everything you think of, I only think about you" way.

>>18595039
Almost every woman will tell you some thing their ex did or had that is way better than you. Women constantly compare and contrast and you pay. If the ex was better she will use that as a club to beat you into submission if the ex was worse she will be looking for any little sign that proves you too are a dick like the ex and punish you (really him) for that.

>>18595123

Mmm yeah jealous might not be the right word but thats what I describe the feelings I get which seem to be similar to yours. If my partner has a great time without me or really looks forward to seeing a friend of theirs and misses them a lot I feel a little jealous in those situations. I am very trusting and don't doubt their feelings its more that I am greedy like you say.

>>18595014
I've had loves and so has she, in fact one of my past loves was much deeper and doubt my current will ever get there however I never mention her or any other ex's name and surely would not relate some story in detail or speak of our sex life. My gf on the other hand, and every other woman I've been in a relationship will talk about guy after guy after guy including new guys they just meet.

At the grocery and my gf will talk about one time when she and an ex blah, blah, blah. We'll be in the car and pass some landmark and here comes a story about how they fucked and almost got caught blah, blah, blah. She was at a party once and ex had just dumped her and these two guys were hitting on her so she fucked both that night and told ex, blah, blah, blah. She'll say her friends and family likes me more or loved the ex more or their dad saw the ex like his own son or they still have a relationship with the ex so she has to speak to the ex when she visits her parents, blah, blah, blah.

Women don't give two shits about you, not really except some content for a story she will tell her next bf.