I'm going to get married somewhat soon, but I'm having

dont get married

only get married for religious purposes
And besides: women who have had more than one sexual partner are way more likely to divorce than women who have only had one

>>18593669
Talk to her about this. Tell her how this incident makes you feel.

Cheating doesn't have to spell the end of a relationship. I'm in a relationship where my partner cheated on me. We worked through our issues, and now our bond is stronger than ever. I fully believe they won't do it again because now we have the communication skills to discuss when we have issues that need to be worked on instead of looking for a solution outside of the relationship.

>>18593669
I dunno man, even if she did fuck him, you guys had only been on one date. Talking about being a "couple" after one date is artificial because neither of you knew each other well enough and weren't emotionally involved or attached enough to really be a couple yet. Now, I hate women, but this one sounds alright honestly. If you can marry a girl that's only had ONE other sex partner, that's a fucking miracle in this day and age. She doesn't sound like the type to cheat.

>>18593695
Er, meant one sex partner other than you

>>18593687
Explain more? I've tried to discuss it with her several time and she just gets quiet and says she can't change it. Maybe this was ok. But full on cheating never is, if someone is willing to put you through that kind of hell just for some sex they're shortsighted garbage and always will be. That kind of selfish mindset isn't something that just gets talked away.

>>18593715
When most people cheat, their intention isn't to hurt their partner. They're looking for something that feels like it's missing, either from their relationship or from themselves. Maybe she didn't understand that it would be so harmful to you since you hadn't gotten serious yet.

She can't change it, true. But you can still tell her how it makes you feel. Oftentimes, our issue isn't with what actually happened, but because what the other person said or did has made us feel like the security of the relationship has been threatened. We no longer feel like our partner is there for us, like we can no longer rely on them, it's no longer safe to open up and be vulnerable with them. You can begin to heal those wounds by talking about that rough time, what it was like for you, ask her for reassurance, and talk about how to make sure it never happens again.

Then again, I'm saying all of this when I only had to deal with my partner kissing someone else, so I'm kind of dealing with easy mode. But for me, it was still heartbreaking and I spent about a month thinking there was no hope in fixing things. We were both willing to try, though, and that's the most important requirement to bouncing back from infidelity. Other couples experience much worse infidelity and still come back strong. That usually requires a couples therapist though.

>>18593695
I don't care how many partners she's had. Like I said, I'm in no place to judge there. But what makes you think she's not the cheating type after something like that?

I want to believe along the lines of what you said, I just dont really see it.

>>18593669
so how did they save the babies?

>>18593732
She had no experience with relationships or love. Her parents repressed her. Everyone makes stupid mistakes early on before they learn how to be in a relationship. And she may have not even banged him. Probably kissed him at the very least though. But, she left him for you and didn't look back, so it really doesn't sound like the usual whore shit most women are on.

Normally, I'd tell you to gfto of there, but this girl sounds different to me. If you drop her, hook me up with them digits, my dude.

>>18593729
I guess the security and feeling that I can be open is what's really gone. It was a while after that until we did anything sexual after that. But when we started again she wanted it constantly. I actually brought up that we should stop and wait the rest of the time until marriage because eeverything sexual became a sort of test to me, I had to be really good or I might get replaced too. Im not a very emotional person and I've started to feel like I need to say fake sappy stuff or some guy may talk a little sweeter to her and she'll feel the need to jump ship again. I kinda see each date like and interview against every other guy she meets who my try for her.

I get they weren't in a relationship but they way she talks about their situation sounds like she wanted it to be and she left that so easily.

>>18593669
>legally giving away half your stuff and most of your free time to someone who will cuck you in about 5 years
Top kek, enjoy marriage OP

>>18593762
I'd highly recommend the book Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations by...Sue Johnson I'm pretty sure. Title is cheesy as fuck, but it really helps you learn to see fights in a different way, but mostly to help you open up and allow yourself to admit that you're scared, sad, and hurt, and give you and your partner the opportunity to reconnect.

>>18593681

Thats a neat opinion i respect ya got there. Apply it to your life.

>women with multiple partners more likely to divorce

More likely. Not certain.

And you think its because maybe they dont have the same religious values as the life long one partner type, and so don't carry around the idea of divorce as a mortal sin? So they opt to leave a terrible marriage when its not working instead of staying in?

>>18593669
How long have you been together?

If she was caught in a weird situation and its way behind her i dont think you have an issue...

>>18593752
Yea, I know she's special. And I really don't have any reasonable worry of her actually cheating. Just knowing that she did that during our relationship, even if it was in its infancy, just eats at me. And I dont know how to deal with it without calling it quits and probably never finding someone like her again or acting like the sappy book cuck I was talking to in this thread. (No offense brother, I really appreciate it and it sounds like good advice for some, but that just isn't me)

>>18593792
It kinda seems like nobody sees an issue but me, maybe I am being unreasonable.

We've been together for a year. Marriage is when the first one graduates college. Shw only has a couple classes left and I'm a sophomore

>>18593813

wait, getting married before both finishing college?

>>18593820
Yes

>>18593838

I feel like you guys should date longer than a year before marriage if you are having doubts about it already. Are you finishing your degree somewhat later (part-time student etc) or are you still around 20--just trying to make sure you aren't trying to marry at a young age

>>18593669
You make it sound like you went from oral to marriage in a week. Don't marry someone you can't discuss this stuff with.

>>18593853
23 currently. Expect to be 25 at bachlors. and 28 at my master's. I did some time in the military is why I'm so late.

She is a little unmotivated as far as school goes but realizes its importance and can afford to screw around a little. shes 22 and will likely be 23 at her time of graduation.

>>18593857
Oral happened very fast, first date. But she got awkward and didnt want to mess around for around two months after that(felt guilty). We had sex constantly for about six months after that and then decided to stop until marriage about five months ago.

>>18593804
You probably shouldn't have agreed to marry her then.

>>18593669
Why do you want to get married OP?
I dont mean this like >>18593771 but in >>18593804 you sound like you have some real concerns with this moving forward. Not being able to air this out in a relationship will make it eat away at you. These feelings don't go away, they keep stewing and cloud your vision in future crisises in your relationship.

>>18593893
I want to get married because she really is perfect, I can't think of anything besides her lack of drive that I would change if I could, and that's more of an annoyance than anything. I know its cliche but I really wouldnt. Shes one of very few women I've honestly enjoyed just talking to and she's one of the sweetest people I know.

But knowing that this happened during our relationship is like a disgusting stain I can't get rid of. Like I said earlier, infidelity has always been something I wouldn't tolerate. And to me what happened was just too similar. I've tried talking it out but she just gets quiet and says she can't change it, and its true. It feels like a dead end sometimes, but I know its a dumb reason to end a relationship like we have.

>>18593931
Dude, grow up and admit you don't want to get married and now you're looking for an excuse to get out.

>>18593939
She was fucking another guy for the first week we were together, thats not a damn excuse and if I really want out I can just call it off, there's no need for excuses, I'm trying to avoid that

So it's the general consensus that I'm being unreasonable because we had just started dating and it was a mistake?

I'm just trying to be sure because I feel like this got derailed quite a bit and I want to think it over

>>18593954
Well it didn't stop you from proposing, so why is it a big deal now, but wasn't before?

>>18594067
Its just as big a problem as it was when I proposed. I know to leave her over its is kinda throwing the baby out with the bathwater. I know I want to marry her. But I can't get this to stop bothering me.

>>18594074
So you knew there was an irreparable issue in your relation, one that was big enough to give up your relationship over, and you still proposed to this girl?

Either you're lying, or you're stupid. Those are the only two options here.

>>18593931
You're doing your self a disservice by continuing without solving this when you say that you won't tolerate it.

>>18594050
Im getting the opposite impression that you're being unreasonable in not pursuing answers. Even as a mistake, she made a concious decision to sleep with someone else whilst she was knowingly with you.

>>18594074
I'm not suggesting you leave them, but this will make your relationship more sour the longer you continue without confronting it, solo or as a couple.
I see that you want to avoid the uncomfortability of a conflict between you two, but these things are the foundations of a strong relationship.
If you can't voice concerns or have an adult talk of your feelings about something the other has done, you'll just get more stresses and anxious as it goes on. Thats not a healthy relationship OP.

Sounds like you're being unreasonable to me. If she was fucking some guy while you were just talking and flirting, she didn't do anything wrong. And you said she called it off with the FWB after you two talking about being a couple. She did nothing wrong. In fact, she cut off the other guy for you.

>>18593669
I don't get why:
> She told you about her fuckbuddy
> the *tried* part in "she tried to brake it off"
> why the guy wanted to talk to you (extreme WTF)

>>18593669
>marrying a non virgin
>marrying a girl who had a fuckbuddy
>marrying a girl who thinks it's okay to be fucking multiple guys at once
>marrying a girl after she told you she cheated on you

is your name anthony burch

>>18593954
Hope you see this OP and want to give you a female perspective for that transition from one guy you are fucking to a guy you like and would like more.

Soon as I start to like a guy I cannot let another guy touch me. Doesn't matter if we have had the talk or if we've been on a date even but two people know, even without it being official. My point is when I like someone being physical with another guy is not comprehensible. I like someone so I don't want someone elses hands on me.

Your fiancee only told you because the fwb was going to rat her out and for her to go see him twice (that you know of) tells me she was still sleeping with him and she may have been sleeping with him or may still sleep with him occasionally. If I were you I would not marry under these circumstances.

>>18593784
Being a criminal is more likely but not certain to get you killed. Nice flawed logic.

Girls and guys have to live up to values that directly tie to their worth. Like how a man needs to be able to provide, a woman needs to be trust worthy and self disciplined. If she's fucking every guy, she's decadent and lacks self control, this behavior only exists because of the safety net modern society provides.

Life is about making choices. Make the wrong choice, and bad things happen. Stop enabling irresponsibility.

>>18594742
>the *tried* part in "she tried to brake it off"
this is the one i'm most confused about, what does "trying to break it off" mean? you either do break it off or you don't

>>18595196
>the safety net modern society provides.

You mean allowing women to work, and provide for themselves?

>>18593931
Do not get married. You have not been together long enough. Wait at least 3-4 years to get married.

Preferably live together first.

>>18595428
That had nothing to do with what I said, so I'm not going to put in the effort of arguing with you.

>>18593669
Before you marry you need to find the former fwb and talk to him. Ask for honesty from him and do not tell her you are going to speak to the guy. You will find your sweet girl deceived the fuck out of you.

test

File: ACX3PWX[1].jpg (111KB, 854x637px) Image search: [Google]

111KB, 854x637px

>>18593750
They sneak in and hang him. It's the only way to kill him without him falling down.

Listen to both of these in full

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YGAck1h_Heo

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J-dzkjmNFeY

>>18596201
thanks for that.

>>18593931
It's not infidelity to be seeing more than one person at a time if you're not in a committed relationship, that's why it's called dating. I think it's normal for casual dating and it was the first time you two went out that you became a couple. Then she broke it off with her fwb. That seems like a pretty normal reaction/situation.

>>18596201
>>18596201
>>18596357
If he had attached a baby to his neck he would have been truly unstoppable

>>18594050
I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. Despite what everyone believes most women aren't fucking two guys at a time or confused but they like one guy and he is the one they give themselves to and certainly would not continue having sex with a fwb if she truly liked another guy. Sadly, I think your gf mislead you from the start about the relationship she had with the other guy and when it truly ended. I couldn't marry someone that I mistrusted and they were the cause of the mistrust from the start. It amazes me you continued to try to be with her when she had only one foot in with you and her whole body with the other guy.

>>18596375
Dating multiple people concurrently is one thing but fucking one man and dating another whom she misleads may not be infidelity but it is proof she is deceitful and a liar. I don't care if she called the guy a fwb or not it was a type of sexual relationship with him but she presented herself to OP as available and he believed her when in fact she was still deeply involved with the other man.

>>18593669
Who cares? If you love her, even if she was currently cheating on you, you'd want to be with her. You plebs haven't got a clue