I've always been a really big doormat. I was horribly abused

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I've always been a really big doormat.
I was horribly abused by my mother physically and emotionally growing up (had my head slammed against things, been hit, been threatened with a knife, been told I was hopeless, been called a stupid bitch and a fucking idiot as a very young child etc etc) and now as a 19 year old I need counselling to deal with the trauma.
I never had a good relationship with my older brother either. He used to hit me and say horrible things to me when we were younger (called me fat, said he couldn't wait until I die, drew pictures of me decapitated, etc.). But he started being my friend after he became unpopular in school.
These days it's still the same thing with my mom. The only difference is that she can't physically hurt me anymore because I'm older and a lot stronger than her now. My brother and I still have fights. He always talks about himself and doesn't really give a rats ass about me, but I've never said anything until we had a massive fight the other day.
I've also had big fights with my mom too recently and she's just treated me like complete shit while sucking up to my brother. She's only ever nice to me if she needs money. But she doesn't ask properly, she treats it like it's her money and not mine.
I've spent the last few days feeling isolated, depressed, and anxious because of the way they treated me.
I've started to treat them really coldly for the first time because I'm angry and now they're being really nice to me and it's starting to make me feel really bad for being cold.
Like I said, I've always been a really big doormat. And I don't know whether I'm genuinely in the wrong for acting cold or whether this is just me not standing up for myself again.
What should I do?
Please help.