so for like the past year of my life i've really off and

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so for like the past year of my life i've really off and on had lots of anxiety over my sexuality.

"hocd" seems silly and idk why i have this problem, but i really feel like i'm constantly questioning whether or not i'm bi or gay.

i mean, all of my actions and feelings in the past tell me that i'm straight. i've enjoyed all of my relationships with women and i've definitely had strong feelings for women and i fantasize about girls that i like every day, but there's like this nagging "what if i'm wrong" thing that's in my head every day and it drives me crazy.

i've never had a "crush" on a dude and i really struggle to see myself with a guy and most of the time it just makes me really uncomfortable. i don't think i've even ever had or wanted to have an experience that was just outright gay, and the sexual attraction to other guys is slim to none.

but it's really frustrating and i just want to move on with my life and feel comfortable being myself again. before i was genuinely happy being a straight guy, and i still have those feelings, but it's clouded by this weird anxiety and i don't know why.

i mean, could it be that i'm in denial? that seems really hard to believe to me but idk. or is it just a mental thing? i've had other similar obsessive, looping anxieties before, but this one is definitely the most troublesome. i just want to feel normal and comfortable again but i can't make this totally go away.