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This will sound edgy as fuck, but I've thought about it logically and there's no other way to put it. I feel like there's a deep hatred inside of me that plagues everything I do. I've had 7 girlfriends throughout the course of my life, literally all of them dumped me because I got clingy and pathetic, jealous and just overall uncomfortable to be around with. It's like I have this self-fulfilling prophecy, I'm incredibly afraid of people leaving me, so much so that I push people away. I just lost my best friend because of this. It's scary because I'm not bad looking, nor too antisocial or anything. But there's something inside of me that just wants me to be miserable, and I don't know why or how to control it. Has anyone ever felt this way? Should I seek psychological help? I never saw it as a serious thing until now, my friend pretty much told me I was the one responsible for everything that happened to me and the reason he's leaving, and he's right. I can deal with losing girls but he really was my bro since we were like three years old and his leaving completely destroyed me.
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>>>18589979
>I was the one responsible for everything that happened to me and the reason he's leaving
kek. What did you do to him? Kill his mother? First thing, get better fucking "best friends" next time, you cretin.
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You're giving us a textbook definition of Borderline Personality Disorder.
The fear of abandonment, the self-sabotage, and especially, the sense that you have a "deep hatred inside". Many people with BPD see themselves as bad or evil people.
You don't have a deep hatred inside of you, that's just a part of your personality complex. What you need is a good therapist who will give you actual advice and not just listen to you. TELL THEM EVERYTHING. EVERYTHING. Spare no details. This shit can and will be overcome if you have the right therapist by your side.
Source: I have BPD and have been slowly getting better with the help of a good therapist. Don't expect it to be fast, it took me years but I'm finally learning how to have healthy relationships with people.
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>>18589991
I kept bothering him about him going out and spending more time with a new group of guys he met rather than with our group. He just told me that he had enough, that he was blocking me on everything and that I shouldn't try to contact him ever again, that he's tired of my shitty and toxic attitude
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>>18589992
Came here to post this too. Good advice!
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>>18589992
>>18590002
Well know I'm scared, I never considered the possibility of having an actual disorder, I thought it was just low self esteem. I guess I'll start looking for a therapist. Thank you guys
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