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Hey guys,
I had to leave abroad to work with my girlfriend, however, she broke her hand in a fit of rage by striking a tree and broke the fist.
Given that that happened two days before the trip, I had to leave alone while she stayed hospitalised.
She is supposed to come in a month when they take the plaster off.
The problem is, the first couple of days everything was fine, the communication was normal and everything. She kept complaining though that her mother is smothering her, that she can't stand the thought of operations and procedures, and seemed generally not in too good spirits.
Now she seems distantish and nearly always frustrated when we talk. Most of the sweetness we previously enjoyed is gone, and I do not know what to do. I hate it here alone, the job is delivering newspapers at night and I am not good enough a driver to carry the tasks out.
I'm going nuts. She doesn't seem very much supportive, claims being alone is not that much of a big deal and says is learning new things.
I am afraid we'll drift apart, and the lack of the love I was accustomed to is driving me nuts.
She does suffer from depression and is prone to episodes of feelings of total abandonment, saying no one -- not even me -- cares about her and trying to discuss things with her ends up with "Sure, whatever, no, nothing" being the answers to most questions.
She says she'll come to me in early September, I honestly just want to go back home now. Her step-father would be driving home in like two weeks and I could hitch a ride with him.
Can anyone help and advise how to deal with her seeming too frustrated with life in general to show me any affection? I love her to bits, she says she does too, but I don't know how to cope.
Thanks for any input
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tl;dr: depressed gf had to come abroad with me, stayed because of broken hand, seems growing distant, promises to come. Feel absolutely wrecked, help
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Shift the focus to her, bro...
I mean, it's clear to me the focus is on you. You want her attention, you want her love... Meanwhile, she's in the hospital, with a broken hand and a smothering mother.
You travelled to a shit job for a few time.
Did you notice the difference there? She BROKE HER FUCKIN HAND man... She is depressed with a smothing mother... She is the one in need of support.
Sorry to throw it like that, if it hurt you. I have best wishes though!
What I think you should do is go there visit her. Surprise or not, your call. Bring her something that shows you like her and is there for her, even if you are afar.
You presence alone will help her, will support her. And that will most likely bring her to realize you love her, and you want her good. At least on this episode you'll be very helpful to her, a great boyfriend.
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>>18589001
nice get
If she's recovering, she has a lot of time to sit and think. If she's prone to abandonment anxiety, or any anxiety, this is when it will be strongest. Being operated on can also be traumatic for some people. Do not smother her. Do not worry, do not be desperate. Be kind to her and be patient. Show that you are a strong, dependable person who will be there for her. Note that I said "show". Don't talk about it, don't promise this or that. No one wants to depend on a person who freaks out.
Going back in two weeks is almost september. Did you two make a mutual goal to stay in this country? Then stay and do what you can to prepare for her arrival. Chill out, occupy your time.
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>>18589018
>>18589018
>>18589018
She's been let out of the hospital already, actually, for a couple of days. I try to show my support and love over texting and skype but it sometimes meets derision from her side.
I mean, shit like this happened when we were physically together too, but hugs and drawing her attention to someting else quickly healed it. I don't know how to accomplish the same here, maybe I should focus more on the positives when we speak together?
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>>18589025
See, nowadays she doesn't seem anxious but as if she's built up some kind of wall. But the rest of your advice does sound good, I just suppose I have to find my inner peace and show that I am indeed strong? Because I do freak out as you said
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>>18589028
Got it... Still, she probably feels bad right now.
Again, I think you should give her more and more of your love. Most of the times we are lacking something, we should give it more and see it returned.
Give her the love you want to receive, don't expect her to do the same, but it's most likely she will return the love.
Quite poetic, I don't like to be poetic in here, but it really is like that. I do think you should focus on the good, and you should listen to the bads without judging and all.
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>>18589037
Well she's showing off her new undies atm now so I guess we're moving forward. I myself am prone to exaggerating and freaking out but this may be the only chance to grow the fuck up.
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