I was flirting with my best friend's wife, and she was flirting

>>18588984
Honesty is not the best route that just something people say so its easier to manipulate the naive. You shouldve kept it to yourself and never did it again now youre causing problems for your friends marriage and losing a friend yourself stop thinking with your feelings and when making a decision think abiut what you have to gain or lose from the possible outcomes rather than how youll feel

Give him time, give him space...

Anger is something that only times diminishes, and sometimes even time needs some help to do it.

Still, only time, again, will tone down his anger.

Just to note out: I do think honesty is the right way, but messing with his girl was wrong enough already, so why turn right after that?...

>>18588984
Flirting like how. Just fun banter or were you guys getting into specifics? Also, why did you tell him when his wife didn't and what has she said to you about this?

>>18588988
>>18588990
In retrospect, I probably wouldn't have said anything, but I know he was already suspecting something. The cat's out of the bag now anyway. He's demanding logs of our chats now, which I don't feel comfortable giving out.

I know what I did was wrong, and if I could take it back, I would, but this is the situation now.

>>18588993
You better give him the logs. Be a friend and let him see for himself the type woman he is married to.

>>18588984
>and she was flirting back
Damn and she was doing this behind her husbands back with his best friend. Bet you aren't the only guy she's doing this shit with and good you have a conscience and told him the whore she is. Tell him everything.

I wouldn't have messed with her at first.

I agree that you should show him the logs, but if you don't feel confortable with it, don't. It's your life first, in any case.

We can't change the past so only now matters. And now comes the consequences of the deed. The best you can do as a friend is to accept them, as well as you accepted your mystake.

>>18589002
I don't want to open up too much because I feel like shit about it. This went on and off for about a couple weeks before I told her to stop. Then later on we had a voice chat about the whole thing. I know they've already been in a rough spot, but this might be the final nail in their coffin.

I think my relationship with him won't be the same for a long time, maybe ever. And that really sucks, cause I really loved this guy.

I guess for what it's worth, I can at least say it never advanced beyond flirting.

>>18589009
It won't. I didn't go as far as you did and mine with best childhood friend was never the same. All that happened for me was she told me she wanted me and only with my friend so she has a reason to see me. I considered it but in the end told her no. I never told my friend I knew she was unhappy, or that she spoke to me about this shit or the reason she didn't want him anymore. She broke up with him and as he whined and begged she told him how much she wanted me. Blew the fuck wide open.

If I were you in an attempt to salvage something is to protect your friend. I realize you laid the bait out there for her but she went with it and it was you that had to put a stop to it. Seriously, she's looking outside the relationship and it just happened to be you to tell.

>>18589009

I mean you still didn't answer the question. There's a difference between flirting where you're sending lots of smilies and being too forward with compliments and suggestive jokes/banter and "Hey babe lemme see that sweet pussy again".

If you won't show him the chat logs, he's going to assume the worst. I'm hoping that you said something to her like

>>"Hey this is fucked up, we need to stop and you need to work shit out with your husband."

and not

>>"He's catching on, we gotta quit"

The former indicates that you actually care about them and are reigning yourself in (which allows for the possibility that your friend might eventually forgive you once things work themselves out between him and his wife) while the second implies that you would've kept going further if you guys could've successfully hidden it for a longer period of time.

>>18589033
Yep, that's what I'm afraid of. I think the damage may very well have been done.

>>18589035
I won't lie, I was enjoying it, but I told her flat out, "No more. Your husband is a good guy and he deserves better than this." That's more or less exactly how I worded it.

I can't show him the logs, because it's just too much. It never got graphic, but there were definite implications about sex and leaving him. Is it salvaging my own ego? Probably. But it's also for his own sanity. I just can't do that to him. I've laid out what happened to him, and he can assume the worst, but I can't show him that stuff. It's too much. Maybe that means I'll have to take the slings and arrows from that decision, but that's just what has to happen. I'd rather have that than him lose his mind over the logs.

I wish I had a better way of putting it into words. I know what I did was shitty. I'm trying to write him a long message to put some of these thoughts on paper. I'm not asking for forgiveness, but I just want to try to explain it.

>>18589055
The thing is that if you don't show him the logs, he's going to assume that you were talking about fucking each other and fantasies anyway.
Hell, he'll probably imagine it much worse than it was but you are still right in that it would hurt him lots to see it black on white. Still I think you should, because it's not just about whether or not you are a shitty friend (you have to accept that this friendship is dead, no it won't ever recover) but about whether or not he should leave his wife and the last thing you can still do for him is give him the proper information to make an informed decision.

>>18589055
You have to get it across to him somehow she is on the prowl for new dick. You can't let him try to salvage this and she make him even more a fool.

I ask again, what has she said about you telling him and has she the guts to tell him she wants out? You keep assuming she won't tell her side and it may be the truth, worse than the truth or pin everything on you and lie.

>>18589002

>He was flirting back
>he has a good conscious

Lmao, bet you'll call me a roastie or a women but are you so transparent that you can't see that he was an asshole as well?

>>18589095
I realize he started it and ended it but she's married or do you not think that matters?

>>18589099
Not that poster but while I think it matters that she's the committed one, I think it also matters that OP is his friend. It's not exactly like OP is a random stranger who happens to enjoy this woman's promiscuity, he actively hit on the woman of his "best friend".

>>18588993
Why don't you feel comfortable giving him that? Because you're hiding something?

>>18589108
I'm not giving OP a pass here but he is trying to make it right and it doesn't appear she is. Even as an asshole friend that hits on the wife she could have shut him down by saying if he continues she will tell her husband. She didn't and if she will do this with her husbands friend how many other acquaintances, random guys and ex's is she doing the same with. And these guys won't feel bad and tell the husband.

>>18589250
They are both scurrying to cover their ass. OP told him because he already suspected (>>18588993) and now that his friend is angry he is doubting whether he did it the right way after all.

I'm not saying his wife isn't a cunt, just that there is no reason to think OP is much better.

>>18588984
If only my husbands friend would show interest in me, oh god. I have to leave the room after a few minutes, afraid my husband will see lust in my eyes. Husband asked his friend to pick me up from the airport one time when he was working late and my imagination went wild. On the flight home I had removed both my bra and panties, not believing anything would happen but you never know. Disappointed when I landed my husband had sent me a text he got finished early and was waiting instead of his friend. Rushed to put on my bra and panties before exiting the gate area.

>>18589260
And why if OP wants to save any piece of his friendship he needs to fully disclose not this half ass shit. The wife can spin this and the husband will believe her to be the innocent victim

>>18588993
It's called shame. Give him the logs.

>>18588995
this. It is good you regretted, now make sure you never do this again and be a good friend.
You may save him from being married to a fucking cheater.
Help him find the truth. Even if the truth makes them divorce it is only for the better, he might hate you, because you did flirt, but now this is the best thing you can do.

Man the fuck up and give him the logs. Its the best chance for you to redeem yourself. You owe this to him OP.