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Something is wrong with me.
I hate. I just hate everything. I hate my parents. I hate people. I hate how my own perspectives are viewed as flaws, but flawed perspectives are viewed as valid. I hate how I am undermined. I hate how I am looked down. I hate how being a man ultimately makes me a rapist, bigot, etc. I hate how there is the idea of cis and cis gender. I hate the fact that all of a sudden being white is a crime. I hate degenerates that call themselves educated yet lack the emotional capacity to hold a conversation. I hate people that praise college and university and think that a diploma or degree automatically makes them educated. I hate the fact that the education system failed me. I hate the fact that I was constantly neglected and picked on. I hate the fact that I was so obsessed with killing myself that I became too depressed to be motivated to progress in high school. I hate the fact that I have no real purpose, no matter what job I get it never amounts to anything. I hate the fact that my passion is conflict. Whether it is a physical fight, boxing, hema, arguing and debating and negotiating, competitive sports and games, or just being in a high intense situation, I hate the fact that I enjoy the thrill of danger and intensity.
I just hate. I hate love. I hate relationships. I hate being vulnerable. I hate the feeling of love and cuddles. I hate society. Just fuck it all up.
I just hate and I have tried to vent this out. Through gym exercises to excessive masturbation, to drugs and alcohol. Constantly believed myself to be ugly, yet I have been told I am physically attractive and I cannot believe a single word of it. The irony being that I generally have more respect for myself, and my cat, than I do for anyone or anything else.
Some days, I just want to watch the world burn. And I fantasize a chaotic world of violence and despair, where the weak are strong and the strong are weak, and the polarity of everything is shifted.
What should I do?
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See a psychiatrist.
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>>18588279
Accept the present, because time will go on even if you remain in some derivative reality based in your own mind.
And be nothing but honest with what you feel and think while you reflect on the how's and why's, because without self understanding you'll just be programmed by circumstance, the environment, externals, etc.
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