Yes, it's another boring relationship thread. Skip on if

There's nothing anyone here can tell you that will stop you from being a stupid bitch.

>>18583483
>How can I stop this cycle, while also keeping our relationship fresh, exciting and happy for both of us?

You're kind of trying to have your cake and eat it too there.

Nothing stays the same forever.
All relationships have to grow and evolve.

Wishing you'd permanently stay in the fresh, exciting, and happy phase is trying to delude yourself, and this doubly so when you're trying to suppress your emotions and inner doubts in order to achieve that.

If you want this relationship to be stable, to grow, and to become more, you need to talk to him about what you're feeling and where this is all coming from.

You say you don't believe in "soul mates" and that's fine.

Having a predestined, unshakable connection to someone that materializes out of nowhere is a pretty fantastical and childish sounding concept.

But conversely, if you DON'T believe in soul mates, that means you probably believe in building connections. That your relationships have to be earned, fought for, and grown through hardships and shared experiences.

You can't say, "I don't want to deal, and I'm going to run away and pretend nothing is happening, hoping he pretends the same" while also saying "I want be happy honeymoon relationship that never fades", that's naive at best.

Talk to him.

Somethings got to change.

I would recommend this book called Hold Me Tight. It's this book that focuses on Emotion-Focused Therapy and also looks into attachment styles. Basically, when we're kids, we turn to our parents for comfort, security, and attachment. We have this deep need to connect with other human beings, and we depend on having a solid, connected relationship with them in order to feel confident enough to venture out into the world knowing they'll be there to comfort us if we need it.

Society likes to say that human beings shouldn't rely on anyone else for their happiness and shouldn't depend on anyone or else there's something wrong with us. But the way we are as infants and small children, needing and relying on connection, carries over into adulthood. You are emotionally attached to your partner and depend on them for comfort much like a child is with their parent.

Pretty much every fight and argument can be boiled down into one or both partners worrying about the answers to the question "Are you really there for me? Do you have my back? Can I depend on you to comfort me and hold me and love me, or is it not safe to do that with you?"

>>18583528
So when two people fight, if their sense of attachment and connection feeling shaky is what's actually underneath the fight, it helps to keep that in mind. You guys are stuck in this cycle where you push, protesting the sense of disconnect and distance you feel from your partner. When it feels like he's drifting from you, you feel terrified. You feel alone. That's a dark, scary place to be, and so you call out to him to try and get him to come back and connect, in the form of getting upset and, as you say, bitchy.

Your boyfriend doesn't see your actions as you crying out for his touch and love. All he sees is an aggressive bitch criticizing him. He feels like he can never be enough for you, he can never say the right thing with you. This scares him. He feels powerless to help you. The hurt and pain and negative emotions overwhelm, and he doesn't know how to deal with that other than to shut down and withdraw. In turn, that only reinforces your feelings that he's distant and disconnected, so you protest even louder to try and get him to realize you need him.

You need to talk to him and share with him how scared you are of losing the relationship because of how much it means to you. You need to open up to him and help him understand what it feels like when you think he's drifting away, how scared and alone you feel. And you need to understand how scared and alone he feels when he sees you upset with him but doesn't know what to do about it. Come at it from a place of love and empathy.

>>18583528
>>18583506
>>18583551

Sorry for the late reply guys, OP here. I just wanted to thank you sincerely for the advice you have given - it has really helped me realise where I'm going wrong.