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I loathe the only thing I'm good at.
I can write narrative fiction really well, but I hate it. My friends like it when I write, and they give me prompts, but that's one of the only reasons I do it. Writing sentence after sentence, or even just getting started is like pulling teeth and feels so fucking unrewarding.
But at the same time, I rely on it for self-confidence. When I see my friends, or people that are extremely talented, I feel like shit because I can't do anything very well. My writing is the only thread that kept me from killing myself because I felt like worthless garbage. It's the only thing that impresses people. Still, I don't want to do it.
However, there is something I like doing, but am shit at. I like making music with a DAW, but making electronic music is too weird for anyone to care about. My friends will read anything I write but will try to subtly avoid listening to anything I've put on Soundcloud.. Still, I'm not that good at it and going much further will cost a fuckton of money I don't have.
So my options tend to be:
>Write and get attention but hate doing it
>Make music and get ignored but love doing it
It should help that I have a ton of social anxiety and appearing talented is something that is extremely important to me, and I define myself based on others' opinions of me.
As a result, I'm not really happy anymore. Nothing really sucks me in except making music, only nobody (online or people I know) cares about that and that depresses me. I'm not happy if I'm not productive, so video games don't make me happy like they used to.
Thank you for your help, /adv/.
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Anon its better to do what you like. who knows, maybe you wont get ignored. try both and see what fits you thr best.
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Make things for yourself, not for others.
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Why do you want to impress people anyway?
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>>18576775
I just want people to want to be around me
I know I said "friends" in the OP but really I'm just "sorta friends" with them
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>>18576787
Nothing guarantees you the kind of people that are going to surround you if you become a great artist are the kind of people you want to be around.
Maybe you should take a look at yourself and wonder which are the qualities that made people in the past accept you. Have you been kind lately? genuinely interested in the well-being of someone else? are you improving yourself physically, mentally? if you're thinking of death you gotta wake the fuck up, you don't even need to compare yourself to someone else, I take that you're 20-30 yo you have plenty of time to fix your shit
Maybe you can do the shit you want to do with little care of who likes it or not, have respect for your own judgment.
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>>18576897
Thanks a lot for this, man. This made me realize that I have to make myself happy before I can make others happy
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