Should you ever say anything if you feel your friend's standards

I do wish my friends would tell me if my standards were in fact too high

yeah, but be gentile how you say it.

>>18573695
>gentile
oy veeeey

>>18573695
>>18573692
How would you want to hear it?

Hardmode: the people that this friend says don't meet their standards are average. How do you tell a friend that their standards are too high without telling them or insinuating that they're not that attractive themselves?

>>18573685
You shouldn't do it if not asked to.

>>18573741
no one's going to ask because they're oblivious

>>18573741
What if they don't know and don't realise?

Not your place, fuck off. If someone doesn't want to fuck people they aren't attracted to, let 'em.

>>18573709
Well I suppose you are going to have to provide details after all

what features aren't to their standards and why are they incapable of affording them?

>>18573871
I feel bad posting this because she's really a lovely person, but she's just, well, plain. Not ugly, but not attractive either. She doesn't wear makeup (I don't even think I've ever seen her apply chapstick) and wears jeans, tshirts and Vans almost exclusively. She's also tall (5'7"/5'8"), overweight, apple/rectangle shaped and doesn't have great posture. All in all, she's not very feminine, and she doesn't put much effort into her looks. I've tried subtly giving her advice, but she's not keen on changing anything. Personality-wise when it comes to dating, she's rather shy which means that she expects guys to do all the work.

The guys she 'rejects' (as in, swipes left on Tinder) are pretty average dudes. She did recently lose her virginity at 24 to a friend's friend (who's a solid 7-8/10) when they were both drunk because she was sick of being a virgin. She isn't interested in dating him though, because she doesn't think he's attractive enough.

Normally I wouldn't want to say anything, but she's told me that she's at a point in her life where she wants a boyfriend and to be in a relationship. I know that settling for a guy isn't going to make for a good relationship, but I also don't want her to end up as a cat lady because her standards are too high either.

>>18574017
Oh boy I was basing my answers off of you and her being dudes I have no fucking clue how to present women with things they don't want to hear but need to.

I bet she'll get older and settle without you saying anything.

Mind your own business, really.

>>18574017
It may seem like explaining the situation as you see it would be giving her insight to solve a problem you think she has, but unless she thinks it is a problem according to her own rationale, your input isn't going to be that valuable to her. Most likely, it would just push your friendship further apart. I have been in the planning stages of this situation too, where you think you see the critical weakness in someone else's methods, but it just isn't valuable to them to be told about it unless they either ask for /adv/ or sense where the problem is already. You might like to consider whether your interest in telling her what you think is just catharsis for your own intellectual or emotional exercise.

>>18574496
Yeah, I probably won't say anything to her because I just don't know how to say it without offending her or acting all high and mighty.

>>18574590
A good call, I feel. So long as there are functional areas in her life beyond her misapprehension of her dating prospects, she is probably doing OK with what she has even if her response to the circumstances aren't 100% fulfilling to her. When I have realized this about a friend, it has been a relief to me if I had ideas about correcting them.

>>18574656
See, the thing is that she tends to bury her head in the sand when it comes to things that could be a problem later (particularly her finances), so while she's content now and her life is going well despite the dating, it's not going to be like that forever. It's an attitude I see lots of people have, but she's my friend and I want her to take an honest look at her life so that she can make changes so that she can be happy now AND in the future. I don't want to see her grow to be a lonely spinster and regret how she lived her life when she was younger.

>>18573697
underrated post

>>18574017
Just let her be. Seriously, she's not this 40 year old spinster. Her standards will change naturally over time. Or she might find someone who meets her standards who are into the natural look/chubby women. Are you perhaps projecting because you yourself feel as though you can't score someone more attractive than you? Why else would this be such a frustrating thing for you to see? Maybe work on your own issues first.

>>18574766
I'm not projecting, I'm in a long term relationship and that's what she wants too. I just want to see my friend happy, that's not unreasonable.

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>>18574719
I agree anon, it sucks from afar to evaluate someone else's situation and come to this conclusion. If you think you can find a good way to tell her that resonates with her typical rationale, then it may be worth talking to her about it. But telling her bluntly from your own perspective won't be very valuable to her. I wish you the best of appealingness if you go through with it. But also don't let it wear on your thoughts if she either rejects the advice or else seems to initially accept the advice, but later throws it away. Coming from experience here.

>>18574774
You sound like a condescending, controlling asshole throughout this entire thread. Stop trying to fix people who don't have a problem. You're not being noble or selfless, you're being conceited. If you can't handle having a friend like her, then end the friendship. Don't try and mold her into a person she isn't.

>>18574803
Why are you so triggered? Does this hit too close to home or something?