I'm 21, girlfriend is 19. Been together for a couple months

CONTD >>18570859

Then last night I stayed up all night playing videogames with my friends. I don't usually do this. I'm a college student with some free time. I just wanted to play games with my friends.


Today she got mad at me because I slept in and couldn't talk to her. EVEN THOUGH SHE HAD TO LEAVE AT 8 AM. She was expecting me to wake up and text her all day.


Then when I actually woke up there was an emergency with my mom so I didn't text my girlfriend for like an hour and 20 minutes (I was sleepily texting her everytimeI get a text).


She got upset at me because I didn't text her during the emergency or as soon as I woke up.


And here we are now. She's still fucking mad at me. Literally feel like a horrible boyfriend right now but I know I'm not. She's just making me feel like I am.

"You don't try"

"You didn't even do what you were gonna say" (Text and call more than usual)


What the fuck do I do?


This is the only thing that's wrong in the relationship. What can I do to fix it? Is there even anything I can do to make her not act this way? Do I just abandon?

>>18570859
She's insecure and probably doesn't fully trust you on some level. Try to talk to her about it.

Realize however that this is probably just her being her. And that leaves you with a choice: deal or walk. I know which one I'd choose.

>>18570859
sounds like she has a lot of insecurity, possibly abandonment issues.

is she a good gf despite smothering you? is she loyal, good hearted, and nice to be around?

It may be worth sticking around if she agrees to go to therapy to work on her personal shit.

>>18570859
>so I tell her that she should force me and control me to talk to her

seriously are you a kid? do you have fits constantly?

Also why date someone 4 hours away can you not find anyone in your are? Long distance is always bullshit.

>>18570876
Oh, to add to what I said here:

This behavior will probably get more overwhelming, not less, if you ever live closer, or even god forbid together.

>>18570896

Thing is I realized what I said was fucked up and I apologized profusely. Apologies don't mean shit so I offered to SHOW her that I wanna talk to her but its like how can I show her more than I already do? We facetimed for 10 hours yesterday. Texted everytime we weren't facetimed. What the fuck more can I do?

>>18570877

She really is amazing in every way. This is the only thing. I just feel like I'm always walking on eggshells right now. She is pretty insecure.

>>18570876

She is insecure. There's no talking to her right now to be honest she's just insanely upset over this. It feels like I cheated on her or something.

>>18570859
Cheese language inbound. You should read a book called the five love languages. It's cheesy, and it's sappy, and it's kind of dumb, but it helps. If you don't feel like reading 120 something pages, I'll give you a basic rundown:

Physical touch, gifts, acts of service (doing laundry and shit), quality time, and words of affirmation: these are the five love languages. Everyone's got a primary language, and it's usually different for both people in a relationship. As a result, when you're trying to show you love and care about your gf, it can often feel like one of you is speaking Greek and the other is speaking Russian.

Another thing is the concept of the love tank. When you do something that makes your partner feel loved, you fill up the love tank. On a full love tank, your partner feels super loved and secure in the relationship. On an empty love tank, it's hard for them to feel loved, even if they know you love them. They can feel resentful, clingy, insecure.

So basically try and figure out the top two or three languages your girlfriend speaks, and also figure out your own. Talk about it. Talk about ways both of you can help each other feel more loved.

>>18570912
>She is insecure. There's no talking to her right now to be honest she's just insanely upset over this. It feels like I cheated on her or something.

Ok.

Try to get her to goto counseling. But, seriously, its time to walk away. You did your best but it isn't on you to solely carry this relationship. Maybe you leaving will be a wake-up call to her by some miracle...probably not though.

God forbid I ask, but: Where's her dad?

>>18570922

That's beautiful and I'm gonna get that book. I love that analogy of the love tank. I'm gonna take your advice to heart.

>>18570923

Her dad is present.

Her family members are all very close to each other.

She was hurt by her ex and part of the reason why she gets upset at me is because she feels like I undermine her issues. Which I really don't. I try to set things straight when she tells me stuff but she takes that as me arguing back and undermining her problems.

>>18570937
>You did your best but it isn't on you to solely carry this relationship.

>>18570937
Thanks for listening dude. It's definitely helped my relationship. I can be kind of clingy with my guy, but that just lets me know my love tank's getting low. It sounds like your girlfriend has the same love language as me: quality time. If that's the case, I can understand why she's upset that you want your own time. It's easy for us to just assume everyone speaks the same language we do--like I couldn't imagine someone feeling genuine love just from getting presents. But I think if her language is quality time, she might be assuming that's your language too, and so you not spending time with her is like saying she isn't a priority in your life. I'm not saying you're wrong for wanting alone time in any way though, just trying to help you understand where she might be coming from

>>18570937
>I try to set things straight when she tells me stuff but she takes that as me arguing back and undermining her problems.
Can you elaborate on this a bit more?

You're lucky you have someone who tries to talk to you. Take it from me, that's a lot better than the opposite. I feel like your gf in my own recently turned long distance relationship. I try to talk, start conversations, and think about her constantly, yet she doesn't seem to think about me at all. It's come to the point where I question if she even cares at all anymore. Do try to see it from her perspective. I understand you do give her plenty of attention already, and that definitely warrants her to step back and stop being clingy. But jeez, being on the side that doesn't feel loved at all hurts.

>>18570948
>Take it from me, that's a lot better than the opposite.
I get that it sucks for you, but it probably sucks for OP too. Imagining putting so much work and effort into your relationship, spending nearly every moment you have talking with your girlfriend and burning yourself out, only to find out she wants even more from you. It's like the relationship equivalent of fucking a chick who begs you to go deeper when you're already balls deep. I wouldn't be surprised if OP feels like he's not enough to keep his girlfriend happy, and that's an awful feeling just like feeling ignored is an awful feeling

>>18570912
have a heart-to-heart with her. shes gotta realize that her mental health is hurting your relationship, say this to her in the kindest way possible. tell her that you need her to start working on herself for your relationship to stay healthy and for things to work out.

>>18570945

The reason I didn't text her as soon as I woke up today was because of an emergency. I woke up to my mom crying. She's going through some shit right now.


She got upset at me for not texting her or taking a bit of time from my mom to text her. Her argument is that it would have taken 10 seconds but at the time I wasn't even thinking about it.


My argument is that I woke up to my fucking mom crying and I had to sit there and console her and talk to her until she was okay, which took a bit more than an hour until I heard my girlfriend text my phone so then I realized that it was now okay for me to leave my mom and go talk to my girlfriend.


My girlfriend gets mad at the fact that I texted her back as soon as she texted me after that period of time because If i immediately texted back then that means I could have texted back sooner.


>>18570948

But like I said she's not on the side. Like I'm sorry but I have a life outside of our relationship. Just because its a long distance relationship doesn't mean I should be face-timing her/texting her/calling her from the moment I wake up to the moment I go to sleep. You know? It's exactly what >>18570970 said. It just feels like she's disregarding all the good shit I do like driving to her and talking to her to the best of my abilities (which is actually a lot. We spend like AT LEAST 3-4 hours a day facetiming). It feels like she's focusing on the ONE BAD THING rather than the many amazing things in our relationship.

>>18571032

I can't say that because she'll say I'm undermining her issues.

pls help