How do I be supportive in a relationship with an alcoholic? He's

>>18569940

How much does he drink? Are you sure you're not just applying your definition of alcoholism to someone that isn't? I mean, it's your right to not be with someone whose lifestyle you don't agree with, but just make sure you're being there for him.

He's going to lose friends over this, it sounds like, so being supportive means helping him find new constructive activities to fill the void of his drinking buddies.

You should be compassionate with him when he slips. It's almost a guarantee that he will. He should find some kind of resource to help him through this, as well. AA did not work for me, but there are some people that it has helped. You can look into therapists that specialize in addiction recovery, or even perhaps get a physician to prescribe naltrexone.

I'm an alcoholic that has quit and restarted many a time.

>>18569957
He ended up hitting on a girl and asking her out while drunk one night and lied about it. He said he would never do that and that it was the alcohol. I said fine, stop drinking then.

Originally I thought it was too much and this was a good way to take a break from drinking. (A bottle of wine a night/ half a bottle of tequila a night/ 2 pitchers of beer by himself in a few hours etc) he would continue drinking by himself after I went to bed.

Once he stopped though, he went through withdrawl and had at least one minor seizure. That made me think the drinking is definitely a serious problem for him. (Plus halucinations, anxiety, shaking..)

I've cut out drinking around him and we're going for walks and stuff but I don't know any activities he'd like to do. He took a week off work for this. He admitted it was hard being around alcohol his first day back at the bar. And he goes to AA.

>>18569977

So he works at a bar? Yeah, that's gonna be really tough. I suppose if he had full on withdrawals, there's a bigger problem at hand, so that definitely sucks.

But yeah, going for walks isn't enough. You need to actually do things. Keep in mind, for many, drinking so much isn't about just getting drunk, but the social interaction that comes with it. If my pals and I are bored? Bar. If I had a long day at work and need to commiserate with someone? Bar. Sports game on and we wanna watch? Bar.

And you can't just go sit at the bar and drink soda. The bartender is going to get mad that you're taking up a barstool for a paying customer and therefore costing them tip money, your buddies are going to give you shit and peer pressure you, and frankly it's not easy to get as loose and fun without a couple of drinks.

Some people replace this with working out. Or nice dinners. Or a club that has some kind of activity. My recovering addict friend pretty much only exclusively hangs around with recovering addicts she has met through therapy. You need to find him that. His life is on a drastic crash course of change if he is truly quitting.

>>18569998
Do you know of any support groups on facebook or such that we could get in contact with to find those kinds of people? We're in ottawa, ON Canada.

He's very pridefull and wants to do this on his own. I made him promise that he'll at least go to the doctor if he has another seizure. Not sure how help him besides being there.

>>18570008

I would just Google "addiction therapy in Ottawa." I know in the US there are some resources that list counselors in the area. As far as finding people to be friends with? That I don't really know. My friend that I mentioned got really involved with halfway houses and other treatment facilities to the point that it became her job, and she developed friends from there.

The biggest issue with that compared to your boyfriend is that she was a heroin addict, and your boyfriend is around plenty of people who may not be "addicted," but are frequently capable of drinking around him. It's less likely to be offered heroin on a random day at the grocery store, or whatever.

>>18569940
Hes trying. That merits support.

If he wasnt honestly trying and kept talking about how bad it was and how he wanted to stop but never skipped a drink or asked or a doctor or joined AA id say fuck it.

But hes fighting. So he deserves all the support you can muster.

>>18570063
Well that's why I'm still with him. To be honest I knew he drank too much, I do too, but I never expected him to go through withdrawl. I also didn't know he was drinking at night while I was sleeping even on days we weren't "having a drink".

This is a huge change for me as well. We always went to a bar for a date or drank during dinner. We both don't know what to replace it with. (We've been going through a carton of orange juice a day lol)

I'm worried that the only reason he's stopped is because I said it was a deal breaker. I worry he'll start drinking in secret instead of telling me he slipped. I suppose he can hide one drink, but not a full relapse? Though I know some people do. Working at a bar can't help and it takes a lot for it to be obvious that hes been drinking

>>18570094

Hell drink in secret if you flip when he drinks. If he fears a conflict. If not hell stay 100% honest.

>addiction in general

Different things effect different people differently. My fiancee and I are heavy smokers and drinkers.

If i quit drinking i just need a few days and i feel a little upset i cant have a beer, maybe ill get a bit testy and im in the clear. My fiancee loses her shit and cant seem to keep away.

I cant go 2 hours without a cigarette or ill flip a goddamn table. My fiancee puts one out says shes done for awhile and carries on no problem.

Recognize that for some people its much harder depending on the substance. Your experience and theirs wont match.

If your boyfriend is going days or weeks without alcohol and still repeating to himself "just one..." then his neurology is fighting a much harder battle than you experience.

>youre the reason

Why feel bad? From what I can tell, hes taking on a daunting task, and hes doing it all for you. Not only is that sweet af, but that also shows youre a definite factor in helping him stop.
I get it. My fiancee is one of those who shouldnt drink. She gets a hard addiction, and when shes drunk her behaviour is way out of character and destructive and she has a hard time quitting. Some people drink all they want without causing problems and they dont have to quit. Its a weird double standard.

But if your bf is that type. He needs to stop, and you need to support him. And honestly in our early years i bitched at her and lectured her and it did fuck all. Made it worse, even.

She stays away from alcohol a lot better when i support her attempts to stop, and dont be an ass when she relapses. She knows herself what a problem is, but its her fight. The moment i step in and start being a dick about it, there is a direct correlation to more booze.


>tl;dr

Hes trying; and "youre doing great!" and "thats ok you had a drink. Keep trying" works way better than "you WHAT!?"

>>18569940
if you marry him you marry his alcoholism. personally I'm not going to date anyone with a mental problem *that they don't have under control*