My boyfriend just doesn't get it. He's been begging

>>18568763
>My boyfriend just doesn't get it.
stop addressing 4chan like we're your friends you dumb whore

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>>18568763
>hang out with ex bf
>"baww why my bf is so jealous"
looks like you are not cut out for mature relationships, OP

>>18568763
is this bait?
I can't even tell anymore because sone girls are really that oblivious

>>18568763
>Do you guys think it's time to finally pull the plug on my relationship?
Yes, long over due, the relationship with your ex should already be over. It will destroy any chance with any guy now and in the future. Your current bf knows who means more to you and you are about to prove it.

I suggest you let your bf go so you can spend more quality time with your ex, reconcile with your ex if you want or can but more importantly do not enter another relationship until you are over your ex and ready to put a new guy first.

>>18568790
I'm pretty sure it is.

>>18568790
bait or not we've all known plenty of women that have a special "friend" or ex and they will defend that relationship over all else. They will call us jealous, crazy, irrational, possessive to beat us into submission so we will accept our number two position. The reality. Its very, very rare for a relationship to be one guy and one girl. The girl has two or more men she is dating, each man knows about the other, and the girl manages to convince each they are primary.

Bait threads are so easy to identify.

>>18568763
if you like to spend time with your ex so much why don't you get back together, you fucking whore?

>>18568864
My boyfriend comes before any of my friends, but if he told me that I wasn't allowed to hang out with my friends I'd drop him in a second.
Not because I care for my friendships more than I care for him, but because I don't want to be told who I am allowed to spend time with.

You should blow your ex to assert dominance

>>18569014
then get over it, sometimes you have to sever ties or reduce contact.
i hated it when my gf did this to me, but it was never an ex gf or anything like that.

>>18569014
Friends and exes are and will always be different things

>>18568763
Doesn't matter if anything will happen or not, it's disrespectful of you to keep testing his trust and to keep putting yourself in a situation where things could happen

>>18569170
I wouldn't "get over it", I'd dump the guy. No issue with that.

>>18569547
Agreed. I'm not friends with my exes or anything, I think it's inappropriate.

>>18569014
Being told not to hang out with friends is unreasonable

Being told not to hang out with someone who used to fuck you every day who you once probably believed was your soulmate is reasonable

>>18569576
Being told not to hang out with anybody is unreasonable. I don't want a dad.
You tell me it makes you uncomfortable, and if we can discuss together what to do. You don't tell me "You don't hang out with him because I don't like him".

I wouldn't hang out with an ex in the first place because I think it is disrespectful, but still.

>>18569610
Semantics.
>You tell me it makes you uncomfortable, and if we can discuss together what to do.
How is that literally any different than telling you that I'm not cool with you hanging out with an ex?

It's still going to have the same result, either you do hang out with him and I think about breaking up, or you don't

>>18569610
This. Find a compromise, don't bark orders. Something that seems reasonable to you might not seem reasonable to someone else

>>18569610
>I think it is disrespectful
>But if you tell me that it is disrespectful that is unreasonable I don't want a dad
I don't understand femanons

>>18569610
>Being told not to hang out with anybody is unreasonable.
No, the scenario just defined is perfectly reasonable. Friends are one thing, exes are another. Learn to accept this, or acknowledge that you're going to be fucked unless you manage to find a boyfriend who's okay with the idea of being second banana (possibly literally).

>You tell me it makes you uncomfortable, and if we can discuss together what to do. You don't tell me "You don't hang out with him because I don't like him".
No, you say "don't hang out with her/him because you used to fuck them and it's inconsiderate as fuck to me"

>I wouldn't hang out with an ex in the first place because I think it is disrespectful, but still.
Make up your goddamn mind you vapid twat.

>I don't want a dad.
He doesn't want you either.

>>18569620
What compromise is there between hanging out and not hanging out with an ex?

>>18569618
No, it's not semantics. Discussing about something that makes you uncomfortable and trying to find a compromise is an adult thing to do, you trying to impose what you want is another.
Then, if we can't find a compromise that works for us both, we'll break up. But if you try to tell me what I can or cannot do, I'm out.

>>18569626
See >>18569625

>>18569621
we're encouraged to think that anything short of complete blind selfishness = we're being insulted, disrespected, or otherwise """""oppressed"""" p sure that has something to do with it

>>18569625
>>18569635
The compromise is she is only allowed to fuck her ex only once a week instead of whenever she wants.
Or, they can only flirt and sext over texts but not spend time in person

>>18569625
Maybe she can text him but not hang out with him alone. Maybe they can hang out, but not smoke or drink together. Maybe you, her, and the ex can all hang out with other people

>>18569625
the compromise is between you getting what you want all the time and you giving more of a fuck about what somebody who's not you wants sometimes

>>18569626
But if I say it makes me uncomfortable, it just pushes you away and makes you want to spend more time with your ex.

There's no winning in this situation. Wanting to be with your ex at all is an instant dealbreaker.

Best to nope out entirely if this ever comes up.

>>18569621
I think it is disrespectful, someone else might not.
You can talk about what you think and discuss what if there is a solution that works well for both of you.

Just to make you an example - I have a friend I've known since I was 2 and he was 4. Grew up together, our parents are best friends. We grew up like brother and sister.

My ex boyfriend wasn't jealous of him in the slightest. I slept over his place, we travelled alone together, etc. My current boyfriend doesn't feel the same. He asked me to discuss about it and told me some things that make him uncomfortable, I happily obliged and avoid doing those. On the other hand, if he told me "cut your friend off" I would have told my current boyfriend to fuck off.

In a relationship you discuss things, you don't just bark orders.

>>18569624
Again, different people have different boundaries. You're mistaken if you think that EVERYBODY wouldn't be fine with it.
If my boyfriend gave me an order like that, I wouldn't date him. I'm still my own person and while I can decide to stop seeing someone if it bothers you, it has to be my own decision and not yours.

Also, as I said in the first post, I don't think it is appropriate to hang out with an ex. I also think it is not appropriate to give orders to your partner or decide for them who they have to see or not.
Maybe learn to read before calling people "twats"?

>>18569635
We only see each other if we're out with common friends, you're present whenever I see my ex, we don't drink when I'm out with my ex. I don't know. Plenty. Depends on the situation.

>>18569649
I could say the same concerning you favoring a relationship with your ex over your current relationship

>>18569651
I never had that issue. I always respected people who wanted to talk to me about things like adults instead of being dramatic.

>>18569655
Well you're truly a rare one then

>>18569654
thought you were op, my bad

>>18569655
Most girls would consider bringing up a grievance about it at all as being too dramatic

>be uncomfortable with gf being with an ex
>she gets upset that I dont trust her so she fucks her ex

>be cool with gf being with an ex
>they fall back in love fuck

No winning either way, no matter how hard or soft you voice your concern over spending time with exes, it's all the same "you don't trust me" result

>>18569660
>it's all the same "you don't trust me" result
Which is perfectly reasonable. Anyone who lacks the self-awareness to understand why hanging out with your ex is shitty to your current partner can't be trusted. It's a no-brainer.

>>18569660
Again, you can just talk.
In my situation with my childhood friend, my boyfriend had an issue with me sleeping over/us sleeping in the same bed.
My boyfriend simply told me "There are some things I consider way too intimate for friends, such as sleeping in the same bed. Can you please avoid doing that? It makes me feel uncomfortable, I wish I was the only man to share that with you". I agreed without even arguing.

For the ex issue, you can simply say "It makes me feel very uncomfortable to think you still share such a strong a bond with someone you dated. Can you please tone down things with him?".

>>18569667
"It makes me feel very uncomfortable to think you still share such a strong a bond with someone you dated. Can you please tone down things with him?"
"No, what's wrong, you don't trust me?
>now you're the bad guy

Girls like you who rationally discuss things like that are not the norm anon.

>>18569667
>Can you please tone down things with him
>Don't tell me what to do. I don't need you to be my dad.

>>18569676
That's why it would be better to just share your feelings about it without asking her to cut off contact with him. You share your feelings, she shares her feelings, and then from there you can both try and come up with a solution.

>>18569671
Something that might be good to bring up is that by hanging out with the ex, she might be sending him mixed signals. He might start thinking he has a shot or something

>>18569667
Your scenario is just retarded because if a man seriously has to explain to you why your sleeping in the same bed as another man bothers him, then he probably should have been arrested for dating an elementary school girl.

I don't know in what world someone has to be calm and polite when trying to explain to someone why what they're doing is bumfuck retarded and inconsiderate on a nearly autistic level.

>>18569682
>Something that might be good to bring up is that by hanging out with the ex, she might be sending him mixed signals. He might start thinking he has a shot or something

>"He's a good man, he would never do that. I can't believe you don't trust me."

>>18569686
>>18569636

>>18569691
It's not that you specifically think she's going to cheat on you with her ex. You can just be uncomfortable with the level of intimacy between them. And even if "he would never do that" it still would risk her giving him mixed messages and preventing him from moving on by giving him false hope

>>18569709
Preaching to the choir.

That's just how girls would respond to such a concept.

>>18569686
Because not everyone is like you, and when you get in a relationship you might want to talk about things that make you uncomfortable instead of
>assuming everyone feels like you about things
>getting mad because people don't feel like you

>>18569676
Then skip that part and just bring up your feelings.

>>18568763
This is bait.

Go back you your containment board, you virgin robot.

>>18569723
That part comes after the feelings.

>>18569717
True, most girls--more like most people--have shitty communication skills. It's hard for people to just open up and share their feelings with people and maintain empathy and understanding while navigating tough topics like exes. But communication skills can be learned. There's hope for everyone to maturely handle conversations

>>18569723
Protip: Most girls don't care about guys' feelings, and most of the time sharing any pushes them away.

>>18569723
>Then skip that part and just bring up your feelings.

>"You're being way too dramatic. I'm going to go smoke a joint with him tonight. You don't get to decide that I can't. You would only be upset if you don't trust me."

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wait , finally ?
so you were always going to ....
go fucking die.

>>18569735
Then break up. Why would you be with someone so insensitive anyway?

>>18569730
What experiences have taught you to feel that way?

>>18569738
Beggars can't be choosers
Every girl I've been with has been that way

>>18569746
Then you have shit taste in girls.
I know maybe one girl who would act like that. Most of my friends would be pretty understanding and would try to accomodate their boyfriend's needs, as long as their needs are reasonable.

>>18569746
Why be a beggar? Preferring being in a shitty relationship over being alone isn't a healthy mindset. Being comfortable with yourself and enjoying your own company is arguably the best way to set yourself up for success in relationships. If you hate being alone, you'll tolerate shitty behavior, thus attracting the wrong sort of people, and you'll risk getting more and more resentful as those toxic people treat you badly

>>18569745
My last girlfriend got upset because I told her that I wasn't comfortable with her going to raves and doing ecstasy with her guy friends

I made no demands, I pretty much just told her that it really made me uncomfortable, she replied with the same "you don't get to decide what I do" bullshit all over this thread

I felt she was the most compatible girl I've ever been with up until that point
We never really argued, always discussed pretty much anything without getting upset
But not that I guess
I just don't get it

>>18568763
if smoking joints with ex is more important to you, then end it
if your bf is abusive or a control freak, then end it
depending on the relationship i could be very unconfortable having a gf hanging out with her ex, in the end its a trust issue you guys have to deal with

Plot twist: OP a man, is gay, woman-hating baseless.

>fuckin havin ya for a laff m8s, it's probably just bait anyway
>tfw you ARE that ex tho
>tfw it's occurred across multiple relationships
>tfw one visit turned out to be 'the visit' and we had great sex

The problem is that there's nothing wrong with OP's boyfriend. It's just that she's selling herself short to a cuck-- probably because the ex doesn't want it, or she doesn't want the ex and sticks to low-balling it.

OP's boyfriend should not have drawn this situation; in fact, if their relationship was worth carrots and peas, it wouldn't have. If this is indeed not bait, the biggest problem here is that something is fundamentally wrong with the situation. OP came to 4chan, and that's always been a big teller for me.

I think the critical point here though is that there's no reconcile. Not once does OP appear willing to backtrack and 'be the adult,' not realizing it's a two-way street. Tragic, because in the end, neither relationship is probably gonna be the last one for them... so if it ends on a shitty note, that's just a friend they never keep.

On the other hand, probably bait?

>>18569760
This experience seems like it was very painful for you. She was working with her own demons that made her quick to assume someone was controlling her life--maybe she'd had an over-controlling ex and you saying that triggered her emotional wounds. That doesn't make what she did okay, I'm just saying that there's a reason she reacted the way she did, and I'm willing to bet it wasn't because she didn't give a shit about your feelings. I hope you don't let her personal issues color your perception of other women--they are not her.

>>18569760
Hmm if it was anything else I would agree with her
But ecstasy makes you horny as shit
No good reason to be horny around other guys

You did the right thing by dropping her anon, all her guy friends probably fingerbanged her at every rave

>>18569760
Mine had a guy best friend who wad madly in love with her and I got the "you're so jealous, you don't trust me". He eventually got a gf and broke contact my gf at the time few months into the relationship. Same thing when she was getting close to a guy 4years later, texting him all day, setting up a date, telling her best girl friend he was interested in her. I've never protested against any people or activities in those 4 years except these two. She cheated and then blamed it on me being jealous and thus pushing her away. She was absloutely convinced that I was at fault.

Man I wish I knew what the right answer to something like that was with my next gf. I don't want to have to resort to getting back at a gf with other females that are interested in. I wish you could just tell a girl how and why this isn't right. The only other options left would be to walk out of the relationship or to let part of your feelings you have for her die off and just see where it develops.

I'm sure men do this blameshifting. People are just too fixated on "you can't tell me what to do".

Greetings /adv/isors. Do you live in the state of California? Ever find you need some more hands on advice than what you receive in the standard tfw no gf or ask the opposite sex thread? Come and join our California Discord server and chat with fellow anons about your worries and issues. We are friendly! Also feel free to just hang out and post the occasional meme. GT8sJZ9

>>18569845
>I wish you could just tell a girl how and why this isn't right.
start doing so

>>18569760
You didn't trust her, she's probably been doing that longer than dating you, I can see why that would upset her

>>18569853
>she's probably been doing that longer than dating you
what weight does that hold? and why?

>>18569845
Well I mean, you can't tell people what to do. You can tell them you think something is wrong, why you feel that way, but you can't make them stop. All you can really do is just say you aren't comfortable with her behavior, explain why you aren't comfortable with it (without saying "it's fucking wrong what the fuck is wrong with you" even if that might be tempting). If she wants to keep hanging out with her ex without regarding your feelings, that's not someone you would want to be with to begin with

>>18569857
That she's been doing it for so long without anything happening, there'd be no reason for something to happen now

Op, if you're here arguing with everyone who is telling you you're autistic and why, then why are you even posting?

That's like defending any morally depraved action and defending it by saying, "not everyone thinks like you." No shit, there's 7 billion opinions, but there's an expectation for things that are within the normal confines of social axioms and trying to convince people that outlier perspectives are normal, Dimbus

>>18569872
she wasn't dating anon all that time. any particular reason you're not taking their relationship into account?

>>18569902
op clearly dimbu nuffin

>>18569912
Because if nothing happened before the relationship, why would anything happen after?

>>18568790
Even if a girl is oblivious about it she wouldn't write it in such a stupid way. I don't know what's worse, shitty bait like this or the people who take it seriously.

>>18569852
I did just that multiple times

>>18569918
if a relationship doesn't need to get taken into account whether she's in one or not why would he trust her to do so?

>>18569960
do it sooner. before it has a chance to become an issue and before you gotten attached in case she thinks it shouldn't matter

Let me tell you something lady.

A man cannot be "just friends" with an attractive woman, he will want to fuck her. So unless you are unattractive, your guy friends want to fuck her

>>18568763
>Do you guys think it's time to finally pull the plug on my relationship?
With who? your ex or your bf?

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Why don't you chill with him and your bf?