Every day I think of a friend I made for a few months last year.

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Every day I think of a friend I made for a few months last year. I fell in love with her then she revealed she was married and I tried hard to stuff my feelings away. It ate me up studying with her after learning that fact but I did so partially because I loved being around her, hearing her voice and seeing her smile was like heaven to me. Having to "share" her with other study partners made me even more jealous and bitter but never angry because her mere presence calmed me down.

During the last few weeks of the semester another girl approached me and I thought we hit it off, for some time this kept my friend off my mind. Eventually, though, the new girl turned out to not actually want much to do with me and took weeks then months to return messages. So in spite of that, after my friend moved and that girl ghosted me, I tried to keep my chin up and tried again with another girl. This one was nice at first but then rejected me and told me we could still be friends. Like a sucker I believed it and like a sucker I got treated like shit. She became cold and tried hard to make me jealous or feel unwanted. It nearly drove me insane and I started hurting myself(punching, very long walks, cold showers, teeth grinding, self-wounding etc.). I never really got better from that even after I cut contact with her and it affected my classes and got me further into my bad habits.

All of this ties into my main issue: Every single day since last year I've been thinking of my friend and the thoughts have become more and more prevalent and I think those events made it worse. She was the only truly kind female I've ever had in my life but all of the intrusive thoughts of her really hurt me and I wish I could make them stop.

Any advice? I want to move on and feel better.

tl;dr: Can't stop thinking about oneitis.