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Not sure where else I should post this...
I'm losing friends.
Losing almost all my friends.
I understand ""why"" I'm losing my friends, but I don't think their reasonings are justified. Most of them claim I'm too egotistical, that I make myself appear better than I really am. That I hype myself up too much. I'm not going to list everything I've done, but I've done much more than the average 18 year old fresh out of high school. Travelled the world (on my own dollar & supervision), finished basic training for the military, and have nearly escaped death more times than I can remember.
Now, the people who I would call my brothers, the people I would have done anything for. ANYTHING, I would have killed for them, I would have sacrificed anything for their happiness. I always gave them the truth. Always always. I always gave them my perspective on things even if I knew it would hurt their feelings.
Despite this, I guess I have come off as an asshole. An egotistical asshole at that. I mean, if I have a friend who doesn't have a job, doesn't have s liscence, doesn't even have his grade 10 at 19 and I tell him he has to get his shit together or live a life as either a hermit living off his mom, or a homeless man. Am I wrong for telling him that?
I've tried to get him a job
I've tried to help him get his liscence
I've offered to wake him up every morning to come to school with me.
I've even talked that man out of killing himself when all others turned him away.
Despite ALL of my attempts, he ghosted me since I've come back to the country.
Other friends I can say the same for similar situations. Whether they aren't working out & gettig fat, or working themselves into the grave & constantly complaining, or even my best friend. The one person I trusted more than anybody else. Tells me that he feels like he's wasting his youth.
Despite my attempts to reach out and give them my effort to better not myself, but them. They feel like it's an attack on them...
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I understand that nobody likes somebody trying to force them into something, as I am the same way. But isn't it up to a "friend" to ensure the people they claim to be friends go down the right path in life? To offer advice and consoling when they need it?
Never have I thought I'm better than any of them, but I understand when they are going down the wrong path. I've lost many people to this personality of mine. Many, but the fact that somebody I have been nothing but charitable to would give cold shoulder, has me shook.
Really shook.
I don't know. The friends who are starting to turn their backs on me claim I "alter" the truth. That when I tell stories I'll leave the bad parts out and only talk about the positives of my life. that I blast too much.
But I won't deny that I hold myself in high light. I've gone through depression, I've had my life dreams shattered because of my own stupidity. I've almost been killed by another, I've dug myself into the deepest pit and wallowed in pity. But I got out of that by seeing my strengths. And by utilizing them.
Is it wrong of me to want nothing but the best?
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>>18559280
I'm sorry to say this OP - and please don't let it make you more cynical but THOSE PEOPLE AREN'T YOUR REAL FRIENDS. They probably used to think they were, but they're not. If what you're writing is true, then your presence makes them feel worthless. That someone who they've been with for a long time at the same level ended up at a better situation makes them feel jealous and worthless(some may have secretly hated you).
You seem like a nice guy, but you're not helping yourself in this situation and your friends do not want your help. Leave them, for your sake. You are the composite of the five people you are the most with, so there is one important question you should ask yourself when "choosing" who you hang around with: Are they better than me(in any aspect)? If no, leave.
Of course, it seems harsh to talk about friendship and your friends this way, friends you would have died for and TRUST ME, I've been in nearly the exact same situation as you OP and that is why I'm telling you this... They would not have done the same for you. Find those who do, and try to learn from them, and better both yourself and them.
...Or maybe you're just an insufferable douche, what do I know.
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>>18559370
You may be correct, one of my friends has told me that he's ashamed of the way his bodies become, and that he's ashamed of constantly playing video games.
Perhaps they are envious of me, but that doesn't make me feel better. I've always tried to get these guys to go out and do something.
Yet they waste away. Either by blindly following their parents, or drinking & drugs
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>>18559458
These men are sound like they are depressed by the nihilistic worldview shown to them by postmodernist philosophy.
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>>18559465
I tell them that the key to life is happiness.
Whatever that may be, whether making crazy stories, or just helping out the less fortunate.
But they do things that they constantly complain about... Like fuck. If they constantly complain about their life. Why don't they do anything to change it? Why am I being ousted for encouraging them to change?
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>>18559472
I understand completely where you are coming from. I have friends and family who were/are in bad situations, not enjoying their life, etc. They have become more hostile to me as they have seen me go from a similar situation as they are in, to a much improved life. I got into fitness, I started learning skills so I could work toward a career, changed my outlook on life, etc.
You have to realize that there is a large subset of people who put other people down in order to feel better about themselves. Often the people who take this route are not willing to improve themselves to make themselves feel above others.
Wether or not one believes in a god, the religious narrative of "extending yourself to help another" always shows that the one who needs the help being extended to them has to make the most effort themselves to change their situation.
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>>18559486
What do you advise to do in this situation?
I've dealt with this many times before, and the way I've dealt with it is to move on. I cut ties with said person/people and concentrate on myself. Doing what makes me happen, eventually forgetting about them. But every time I have done this, they eventually come back into my life. Asking for my company, but I always refuse. Because in the end the relationship will never be what it once was.
Especially with my friend which I've known since I've been 10, what should I do to mend or fix this tension between us?
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>>18559501
Ask yourself if they are really that good of a friend if they are showing envy for your improved life, yet refuse to do the work themselves to attain it
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