Hello, /adv/.
I'll be graduating med school at the end of this year, in my shitty third world country. Here the course lasts 6 years and you have to take another 2 or 3 years in order to become an specialist.
The thing is: I'm panicking. I've never been so afraid. I'm afraid I won't save my patients and I'm afraid I'm not good enough. I feel too underprepared compared to my colleagues...
The only jobs available for new doctors in me country are emergency rooms in shitty public hospitals. I want to be good at managing emergencies but I feel that I lack the "something", you know? I'm good at thinking. I come up with the right diagnosis, the right treatment and the right doses, but when it comes up to Procedures I'm just awful. I can't do this shit under pressure.
Today I had to intubate this woman at the emergency room and I failed. My teacher was clearly disapointed. What if I was alone?
I feel like crap and I feel I won't ever become a real doctor.
I want to become an Ophtalmologist, but the admission tests are as hard as the ones to get into med school, so chances are I'll be studying for 1 year or 2 before I manage to pass. Meanwhile I have to work. But damn it... Sometimes I think about just quitting it all. I feel I wasn't made for this.
What would you do in my place?
I would;
Keep going, sounds like your doing a great job.
Work on the difficult area, perhaps by making some changes to your lifestyle and being a little more realistic with your thinking (I'm never going to be good = I need to practice more)
Think about your teacher as a mentor rather than a judge, ask for specific feedback and help. It's likely that a lot in your field feel (or have felt) this way.
Acknowledge that you're taking on a big and challenging career, and that generally, you will (and probably already are doing) more good than bad.
If you have people available for counselling or other forms of support, go for it.
Basically, seek out some help and support before you make a decision. Learning is like this, you're meant to feel somewhat hopeless or out of your depth at times- it's a sign that you're learning and you can definitely do this. You study to learn how to be good, not vice versa.
If you really feel after some long consideration that you're not up to the task, start working out a plan for what you're going to do.
>>18556714
Thanks for the detailed advice. I really appreciate that.
I wish I were just ~born a natural~. Or that I had rich doctor parents who would set me up with nice working opportunities.