My gf sent me two texts after we got into a mini argument over

Stop speaking over texts for starters, man up and go speak to her.

Don't let this dude cuck you. Stand your ground.

She asked for your permission, she obviously knew she's in the wrong but asked you, so that when you said no, she could turn it around and make you out to be the bad guy.

Be a man and stand your ground.

You're not stopping her from seeing her friends, you're stopping her from developing romantic relations with another man and cucking you.

>>18555217
sounds like she's 12, let her go

>>18555217
You are 100% wrong, but why does she type like that???

>>18555237
She's an hour away but that dude lives near me. What should I tell her? She keeps saying I don't trust her or something...

>>18555291
your girlfriend lives an hour away? what are you doing with your life dude. Also who the fuck are you to tell her who she can and can't have lunch with?

>>18555217
The whole point on spending time is dumb, since it goes for you as well.
Assuming you haven't been actively trying to control how she spends her time, I'd say you let her, since being faithful is also her responsibility and spending time with men shouldn't be seen as this dangerous situation that she couldn't possibly control. I believe this is more a matter of respect. Respect for the boundaries you've a mutual agreement on, if you haven't made those clear and verbal... then you should get to it.

>>18555299
She's only there temp. Her home is near me.

We are moving in together next month.

>>18555303
Lol... she is talking to me like everything is normal again. I told her yesterday that it bothers me but she can do what she thinks is right, just let me know what she decides (if she goes, I will make note of it).

I don't want to come across as controlling. That's why I said that. I'm trying so hard to make her happy. Is she testing to see if I'll stand my ground? She always tells me that she doesn't mind if I hang out with my girl-friends at all.

She makes it sound like it's a trust issue but I keep telling her that it's not. Guys will try to advance things.
She says she will stop seeing them if they do. I don't buy it.

Wtf am I doing with my life at this point...

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>>18555217
Don't get cucked op, that dude probably fertile cumming ur gf right now

>>18555217
>but there r times where i want to go bck to how things were, go bck to tht routine

DROP HER

Like others have said, she is extremely childish. This isn't worth it OP unless you are also a fucking child.

>>18555424
You sound like the bitch in this relationship. Break up already, you got too much to learn to waste your time on what seems like a quality woman. You need to be with awful cheating whores throughout your twenties to deserve being this mistrustful.

>>18555455
What?

>>18555217
Why you telling her not to hang out with her friends? That's fucked dude

>>18555479
It's a guy, who I haven't met. The fuck do you mean?

>>18555487
so what? that's controlling as fuck. do you throw a hissy fit if she smiles at a male cashier too?

>>18555217

I'm going to present to you another viewpoint.

>I said no because she told me this guy used to like her, and I don't want my girl hanging out solo with another guy. I think it's extremely disrespectful.

You think it's extremely disrespectful for her to hang out with another guy. Period. There is no wiggle room there.

> i appreciate the effort u put into us, but i dont want to stop what i was doing jst bcuz im with u. i want to introduce u to how things r in my life. but it kept feeling like ur pulling me further and further away from it.

However, she does not see it that way. In fact, she thinks YOU are not respecting HER right to autonomy. She had her own life before she met you, and she even WANTS to incorporate you in to hers, but she senses (and is being flat out shown through this) that you are not willing to, and only want her to change for you.

You are drawing HARD lines in the sand here.

You say: She cannot hang out with other guys. Even her friends. It's disrespectful to you. Period. That is a statement that allows her no wiggle room.. It just says: You're mine. My property. My way or the highway. You have no say in this.

That is being overbearing and uncompromising.

I know if my girlfriend tried to restrict who my friends were, as much as I like her, I would have shown her the door.

Because fuck that.

Maybe some other guy would be cool with that (and i know a few who are), but not me. That's not who I want to be with.

But right now things aren't that far gone.
She's not being resentful. She's honestly trying to tell you how she's feeling. She WANTS this to work.

And if you do too, show her that. Talk things out. Learn to compromise. Or else find someone with whom this wouldn't be a problem with.


P.S. For all yall who scream "cuck! Cuuck!" Have some fucking balls.

If you're so insecure that your own merits/charm/cock can't keep the girl, get the fuck out of the relationship and just stick to fuckbuddies/hookers/your right hand.

>>18555217
I think you're in the right here, OP. This dude is definitely trynna fuck her, that's how guys are.

That's usually how girls are too when you've already got a gf. It's hard for a girl and a boy to be friends without it developing into something, that's just how it is.

>>18555217

I agree with this wholeheartedly: >>18555506


Try to decide boundaries in your relationship together. For example you can agree that it is fine to be in a public place one-on-one, but not alone at home one-on-one. You can agree for example that it is inappropriate to get drunk without your partner around. Things like these. Just decide TOGETHER what you are comfortable and uncomfortable with.

>>18555511
>It's hard for a girl and a boy to be friends without it developing into something, that's just how it is.
I had three very long friendships, stuff that lasted for 10 + years, without even one inappropriate moment. I had male friends through my teenage years even, when everyone wanted to fuck everything.

>>18555511
>>18555520
>>18555528

This is why I'm so confused.

I always hear mixed things and everyone seems to be black or white on the issue.

I love her a lot but I'm afraid of her losing respect for me, if I allow her to do these sorts of things.

>>18555217
I wouldn't let her, if she dumps you over it not much of a loss with how annoying she writes.

>>18555528
You're the outlier, then. Most people aren't able to handle it from my experience. And I've seen alot of relationships crash and burn because of it, with people ranging from ages 16 to 30.

>>18555559

I actually really love her tho. I just don't feel like I should be stepped over. If I let her do this she will lose respect for me as a man.. and the attraction will fade. But everytime I try to 'restrict' her she throws a fit and starts to tell me how the relationship isn't right for her and whatnot.

It feels like a lose-lose, and at this point including completely lost.

>>18555546
>I love her a lot but I'm afraid of her losing respect for me, if I allow her to do these sorts of things.

Young blood, let me tell you a little secret.

You don't get respect by fronting and pretending putting your foot down like you're the man--all so you can stroke your own ego.

You EARN respect by your actions that PROVE your someone who is worth that respect.

She ain't some stray dog where if you blink it shows you ain't dominant.

She's a human being and all you're doing by treating her like shit, is treating her like shit.

People don't gain respect from being treated like shit, they gain enmity, resentment, sometimes fear, but (outside a few with their screws loose) never respect.


Stop letting random internet meme's dictate your own life, and instead actually fucking living your own life, actually try to listen and understand what it is that is going around you, and realize your own beliefs need to be founded on your own hard earned experiences--rather than third hand misinformation and fears.


If you're so confused by all the shit everyone is telling you, you can go ahead and ignore it.

But at the same time, PAY MORE ATTENTION TO WHAT'S GOING ON IN YOUR LIFE. Critically think about it.

Think about the actions, the consequences, and where it all comes from.

Don't just blindly try stick to your own pre-conceived notions--especially if they have no real backing or understanding behind them.


Being a man worth respect isn't about putting your foot down--even when you don't know what the fuck is going on. Being a man worth respect is about being able to take things in the moment, being able to step back and admit when you don't know what's going on and either reassess or even ask for help, and then executing with absolute confidence when you've then GAINED that understanding.

>>18555546
>if I allow her to do these sorts of things.
Get out of this mindset.
You don't allow people to do anything. In your relationship you don't allow each other and you don't ask permissions.
Sit down and discuss what you are comfortable with and what you are uncomfortable with. If you want the relationship to last, learn to find a compromise instead of trying to win and dominate each other.

Trust and respect your partner.

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Translation from thot talk to normal speak: "I might want to fuck this guy and maybe I'll want to have a thing going on behind your back, how dare you suspect anything and tell me no when I ask for permission, also you're less important to me than he is xoxo".
Do what you want with that one.

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>>18555217
jesus fucking christ, why dont you fucks just type normally? I was gonna give you some solid advice but fuck this trainwreck

>>18555546
their impact on my life has been so much more

OP, this whole thing is senseless. Her asking and you telling her no. I'm with you in being troubled by this guy you have never met though he seems so instrumental in her life. You would think she would suggest the two of you meet but she won't. That said it is futile to attempt to be a gate keeper nor should you be. It is her life and she can make her own decisions about who she wants to see or befriend or fuck for that matter. Next time she will just sneak and lie instead of giving you a heads up and you can bet she will still do lunch with him but you'll not know and why she is acting like everything is fine.

But, you too have every right to decide who you want to be in a relationship with and the boundaries you are comfortable with and not apologize for it. She has made it clear her friends are more important, especially this guy. If you are ok with the demotion and she goes with him then shut up, say no more. If you are not then end this relationship when she goes, it is not on equal footing and never will be.

>>18555585
>and the attraction will fade
brother that ship done sailed, she told you he means more to her and a greater influence in her life. Doesn't matter how much you love her she doesn't feel the same about you.

>>18555584
It depends on the individual friendship. A lot of people cannot be friends with people of the opposite gender, a lot of people can.
Personally my friendships with guys worked every time we treated each other like friends. The problem, in my experience, arises just when you treat your friendship like a relationship minus the sex.

>>18555585
>I just don't feel like I should be stepped over
Don't blame you but she's already done that. You telling her she can't go will not change it even if she doesn't go. She will resent you along with having no respect.

>>18555613
First thing my wife did once we got serious was introduce me to all of her friends, male and female. I didn't ask, she thought since we were to be partners they should know me and me them. I did the same and some of my female friends are closer to her now and her male friends closer to me than to her. Not hard when you have nothing to hide and no one has any hidden agenda.

When a woman doesn't want you to know her male friends she is protecting them and doesn't want you to know, she knows, the male friend is hell bent on more at some point. You would be able to spot it right away.

>>18555636
Again, it depends on the person.
I met my boyfriend when I was very young and back then I kept my life very compartmentalised. I was very insecure and I put on a mask in front of my friends, and I didn't want my boyfriend to see that.
Growing up, it went away and now I am much more sincere around everyone I know.

Maybe they could also never had a chance for the friend to meet the boyfriend, since OP's girlfriend doesn't hang out with this guy very often, apparently.

>>18555585
That's not how attraction works tho

>>18555589
Absolute church

>>18555671
She told me she sees him once a year and he has a gf.

Yeah idk OP, I'd drop a dude immediately if he told me he essentially didn't trust me enough not to cheat on him to have friends.
Huge red flag to me. If you don't have any trust in your relationship what's the point of dating?

>>18555720
>She told me she sees him once a year and he has a gf.
Then ask her to invite him and his girlfriend over for a pizza when you move in together, so you get to know him.

>>18555506

This guy has it right. You sound controlling and insecure OP.

>>18555797
But the thing is, I really don't wanna be. I hate dealing with this stuff because I just want to focus on work. It's so hard when I feel like she just wants to hang out with other guys.

>>18555424
So she made the boundaries and you weakly agreed to them. Time to rework them.
It's not controlling if you both are satisfied with the arrangement.
Besides, I think you also have respect confused with obedience. You're not her master. She's not some animal that needs its behavior managed or an object that has to be safeguarded from horny thieves.
What's your opinion of her, really?

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>>18555217
>the way she writes and the content itself
Her IQ is below 90.

>>18555870
My opinion is that I love her.

But she doesn't incorporate me into her life much. She lies to me, a lot. When I call her out on it she flips out at me.

For example, she never told me that she still talks to her ex. She says they are just friends now but she hid this from me until I had to do some snooping around and figure things out for myself.

When I confronted her about it she flipped out about how I breached her privacy. I smelt that something was up and I acted on my suspicions.. and I was right.

>>18555878
I read the first line

For pete's sake anon, break the fuck up with her. Honesty is the foundation of any relationship. In fact you KNOW she lies to you a lot, and that's only the times you've caught her, meaning she lies a lot more.

I do not know why I have to explain this to you because this is an 18+ website, but if you have to SNOOP ON YOUR GIRLFRIEND, then she should not be your girlfriend. baka senpai desu senpai

>>18555929
*correction: I read the other lines

Denying her to see a pal from high school. I dont really remember or recognize the peers from HS since it has been a lil more than a decade since I graduated, but I wouldnt mind hanging out with them.

Besides it is only lunch, if she was going to cheat on you she wouldn't have mentioned it and wouldn't have asked your permission for some reason. It seems silly her asking ya for permission.

Nb4: They could cheat! He had a crush on her in HS.
That was ten yrs ago, and people change. I know this chick I had a crush on in high school and I've seen her a couple years ago and I really wasn't that interested in her anymore.


Tldr: You overreacted on lil shit. She ask for your permission to see a dude (funny as hell asking permission). If she was unloyal she wouldnt have asked ya.

>>18555878

Oh, that changes a lot of things... you KNOW she lies often.
And you didn't trust her much in the first place... you're setting yourself up for a long, miserable ride.

I think you have trust issues as well, and this situation will help you none.

You claim to love her, but all you've said so far exudes fear and doubt. You don't need this.

>>18555506
Nah man. I mean there are categories for people and with some you're more comfortble knowing they meet with your gf. I mean here are some examples

>an old buddy of her she's known for 10 years, you know the guy, you befriended him
>two girl friends she knows from uni, you've never met then but your gf often tells you about them
>a group of friends she used to do drugs with
>some guy you've never seen in your life and who was interested until 2 years ago

I'm sure you'd be more ok with the girl friends and the old buddy then with the junkies or the guy who tried to get her.

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>>18555217

Just let her go meet him.

If she's the kind of woman who would cheat on you with this she's the kind of woman you do not want to give the seed for your children to and spend the rest of your life with.

Save your kneejerking for another time. Hell the fact that she's telling you she's going to lunch with him is actually a pretty good sign unlike our fabled NTR comics may suggest.

>>18555217
This relationship will not last. You're both immature.

You might not be sapiosexual but what she wrote is far from intelligible, consider that one

Anyways in all seriousness, the issue here comes with trust. Neither of you have built enough trust around for a proper relationship anyways. You have no reason to think she's not going to go further and she's clearly concerned about you being concerned about it, so she clearly doesn't know you enough either to trust that.

Also you didn't talk this through like adults, instead the message was essentially "hey honey, I'm doing something that might concern you, just so you know, I'm not asking you whether I can do it or not, I'm going to do it anyways", and of course your reaction, while perhaps wrong, was appropriate. Disrespectful is right in the sense that she didn't "ask" really, she expected a yes or an argument over it.

However keep in mind how to read the real intentions rather than mistrust right away, because at some points it might be just a genuine hangout with someone that could also be trusted. It's not always like this.

Anyways with the long winded response it's clear she wants to have a little bit more control than she's willing to admit, coupled with the initial message it's clear that what she wanted to do was to test the waters and to perhaps confirm suspicions in her own mind that you're either too trusting or controlling.

Either way I'm sorry if this sounds bad but she might be looking for an excuse, to find something wrong within you, and you just gave her that response which goes one of both ways. If you want to really keep a relationship you need to make her understand somehow that this is not a matter of controlling what each person does or willingly accepts, that your relationship hasn't matured enough and that she took the wrong approach which shows there's an underlying reason or suspicion.

Also long distance relationships don't work. They do not work, they don't, they never will, this is a painful fact.