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I got went to a top 10 school for electrical engineering. I wanted to do art or design but immigrant parents said fuck that shit become doctor.jpg. Despite failing grades I was determined to "stick with it" and not drop out like a pussy. Then I got kicked out of the engineering college after 3 years for failing over and over again. I'm garbage at pretty much everything they tried to teach me so I have 0 carry over tech skills. I ended up spending an additional year to squeeze in and get a bullshit liberal arts major just so I could get a degree and not drop out completely. On paper I've got a <2.3 GPA with a non "difficult major" on my transcript so nobody will ever take me seriously in an academic context.
Somefucking how a year ago I landed a >50k paper pushing job in a high cost living area, it's essentially peanuts here. I'm in a lot of debt and i have no fucking clue how to recover and move forward with my life. My job is depressing as fuck and i flirt with suicide ideation on the reg. Worst of all all of my peers and family are super accomplished highly educated high earning mofos who seemingly love their life's so i feel like double the fucking failure.
Is enduring this pain and frustration gods way of punishing me for fucking up in school? Is it possible to come back from this in one piece? My original dream was to work as a graphics designer or some shit for a hip studio but I have no idea how to get into that lifestyle, at this rate what if I get too old?
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Are you able to live independently on the money you earn?
What do you find so depressing about your job?
Have you found anything online that explains how people become graphics designers?
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University is the new household. Men start their own shit.
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>>18552407
I pay my living expenses myself and don't have much left to save ATM.
My job is boring as fuck because I'm a basically a glorified secretary filing word documents and helping old people print shit. There is nothing I'm learning on the job that will help me with what I want to do. There's 0 room from creativity. It's dull as shit and I'm burned out just from enduring the boredom.
Ive done my research it's all about the portfolio, I've taken some online classes and am trying practice work before I start freelancing for free on the side. I'm broken every day after work and the road ahead of grinding freelance work for some dudes pizza shop for free after a 10+ hour day for god knows how many years is just daunting. I just want to pull the plug and kill myself or just take an entire set of new loans out and start my entire life from scratch with grad school or a second bachelors or something.
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>>18552455
I feel your dilemma dude. Have you considered making a lateral move to a smaller cost of living area? You have some experience in the field your currently working in. That way you could save up some fuck you money.
Can't say I've been in your situation before, but the best advice I can give is to live as cheaply as possible (by moving if necessary), devote your weekends to graphic design, and look towards leaving the labor force for a few months to focus exclusively on graphic design after you know the field from many weekends of working at it.
You say you work 10+ hour days. How many days per week do you work? How many hours per week?
I would also advice seeing a therapist. I know it seems like a huge waste of time and money, but I found it to be very helpful. Insurance might cover some of it too.
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