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Riddle me this fucking shit /adv/
Why does it seem like when you want a relationship, you aren't able to get one and when you don't want one you are able to?
I was depressed a few years back. I thought getting a gf would solve a lot of things since I struggled a lot with self acceptance and other things. After so long I just gave up and started filling my time with tons of hobbies. Car stuff, gym, painting, etcétera. I also stopped being compliant and just started being asocial. Not mean or rude, but clearly made a point that I didn't want to participate in shit like small talk or anything more than exchanging pleasantries.
And lo and behold, people now seem much more interested in getting to know me. Both men and women try to approach me and talk to me, and include me in shit.
Yet now I just don't give a fuck about a relationship, to be honest. I'm quite content with how I am, and a relationship would be a big time sink that could be better spent elsewhere.
So why does this happen? When you want people they turn you away, and when you don't want them they're suddenly interested. It makes no sense.
The gym had a good effect on my looks, to be fair (lost some 30-40 pounds the last year). Is this just the halo effect st work?
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>>18551187
OP read your own post again.
Would you want to hang out with depressed you, or the one with cool hobbies? Well the same thing goes with chicks
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>>18551205
I understand that, but I just mean how paradoxical it all is. When you want to attract someone for support and stuff people are put off by our neediness, and when you are content and self reliant people are attracted to you but you don't want them because you're content and self reliant.
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>>18551187
Because you're giving the impression of being at rest in yourself, which again means high self reliance/self esteem. This kind of personality have the same effect on most people that shit has on flies.
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Idk but I can relate. Also that exact car you posted in the photo was what kept me going some time ago. My main goal in life was to get a job, save up and buy that BMW model. Now I lost all motivation and just wish to die in my sleep. Idk why I thought this is relevant.
Anyway I think that what you described is not uncommon at least.
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>>18551271
>I understand that, but I just mean how paradoxical it all is
Yes. Yes it is. But that's how things work.
>>18551205
>>18551300
Is right, and nicely checked
To broaden the issue, consider this:
WANTING is an expression of not having. No matter what you wish to attract into your life, the best way to achieve something, is to let go of the wanting of it (like you did when you started focusing on other stuff.) When you're in this state of mind, the objectives will face a lot less resistance by your own subconscious acts. Wanting something will trick the brain into making decissions that prevent you from getting it (just yet,) so letting go inevitable clears the paths you need to walk in order to meet with the objects of desire.
This is how magic works. Stop believing that you are separate from your goals, and all shall fall into place according to your will. Start imagining your future from a place of already having achieved it, and it makes perfect sense that what you desire will form a connection to your present.
tl;dr the brain seeks confirmation and truth, so wanting and needing only makes you do and say stuff that keeps you in that mentality.
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>>18551720
This is actually a really good point. If you want something, act like you don't want it so you can concentrate without desire clouding your mind.
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>>18551187
One must love yourself before others can fall in love with you. Life is nothing but irony
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