How do you have confidence? I mean real, lasting confidence?

ive been think about this lately. to me it seems illogical to have confidence in any capacity because no matter what you know, there is a shitload more that you dont know.

Yes I do
Competitive public speaking is what pulled it out of me

>>18550551
Fake it doesn't seem to work, because people shit on you harder when you don't deserve to be confident.

I guess this is what a therapist is for, so I have someone to fall back on.

>>18550538
Drill instructor thing never works indeed.

My advice to people with low self-confidence has been to not drill yourself into "just doing it", but to go out there and keep failing. The more you fail, the less you give a shit when you fail the next time, and eventually, one of the failures turns into a success, and you'll feel lucky.

>>18550573
I feel like what I want is just someone to be soothing to me. But maybe I'm wrong and what I want isn't what I need.

>>18550561
You know I find I don't have any issue public speaking, but I can't approach women, I'm awful at competitive games due to my lack of confidence not allowing me to do things I know how to do, and I'm constantly the lowest rung in my group of friends, the one that everyone gets to pick on and can't speak back without people getting very angry.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iYVO5bUFww0

>>18550613
Competitive is the key part
Real debate is a great way to increase confidence, not the screaming some people call debate

>>18550656
Maybe, but I'd probably just wilt too easily and fail to be better than my opponents in every match.

>>18550689
That happens in the beginning but you develop skills and understanding of the sport and build off of that

>>18550538

I carry a gun. Laugh all you want but it's a force multiplier.

>>18550787
and a penis shrinker

>>18550538
by success and positive experiences

someone who knows he can overcome difficulties because he has the ability, this comes from experience

basically I was depressed(thinking how much I suck and am not worth living and failing etc.) until I had a chain of thought that was like:
What would be the worst state of living that I would be ok with? I came up with the answeres, I love to learn new things and I want to see with my own eyes babies becoming adults, anything else is bonus for me.
Since then I have a shifted perspective, I am no more comparing myself to the threshold where I wanna be, but to the lowest possible state that I would be ok with still living. Since then suicide was never again a solution and I am quite happy for every chance I get to learn more and get higher up from my minimum.

Basically you are looking from your position upward when you should rather look from your position downward for happyness

>>18550873
A gun will help you realize you can overcome some difficulties too

>>18550538
for me confidence is all about not giving a fuck

nervous for an interview? just walk in there like you don't give a fuck, forget that the interview is important. being relaxed makes you perform better in the interview, reinforces the fact that you are a successful person, and then you gain legit confidence that you can carry around with you.

>>18550573
Not OP but I feel like replying to this because it speaks to me. Recently I've found that failing repeatedly works to prevent nervousness in osu! (a rhythm game where you have to hit thousands of fast approaching notes and missing a single one ruins your score). I'll just play a song 100 times and eventually I'll be so used to fucking up that I get immunized to being nervous.

However in real life I don't get the opportunity to fuck up 100 times because in real life if I fuck up a social situation once, it's not like I can instantly hit the retry button. I dwell on the fuckup for weeks and become emotionally scarred by it. This leads to me avoiding socializing from fear that I'll create awkwardness or embarrass myself again. So in social situations failure does the opposite for me, it reinforces my lack of confidence and makes me want to isolate myself even more, probably because failing in a video game doesn't have the emotional repercussions that failing to socialize with someone does.

>>18550538
Fake it till you make it doesn't work for anyone who thinks very hard about it. You have to meet your own standards of yourself before you can be confident in who you are, which is a shitload of work if you have high expectations for yourself. And lowering your expectations doesn't work because then you feel like you've cheated yourself, which defeats the purpose. Just start actually doing the things you've been planning on doing until you're to the point you want to be at, or die trying.

>>18551107
Sorry, I just woke up.

But that's the thing that gives me trouble. One of the reasons I'm so cynical towards going to the gym now is because a couple of years ago I was fat, lost weight, and lifted weights. But even when I could see the results of what I was doing in the mirror, I just wasn't feeling any better about myself.

>>18550538
Some people shouldn't be confident. For good reasons. If you've done nothing, experienced nothing, have nothing, why should you be confident?

The key is finding something about yourself you can be confident about, and build on that.

Success gives you confidence, but not just any success, this is indeed highly subjective. Only success in something YOU value will give you confidence. What do you value? You may not even know. What do you want to accomplish, or give your best at trying to accomplish, in life?

Do you need confidence right now? If you have none, even that is a good situation. In that case you have nothing to lose. Start a business. Ask your significant other to marry you. Change careers, apply to a college in that field you always wanted to study. What do you have to lose?

>>18550538
People who don't know their limits or don't bother understanding their limits have confidence. This means either being a retard with inflated ego or a successful person with ego in-check.

You want the later. You do not want the former. Later gives you a stable ground to work with. The former gives you all types of misfortune in life.

>>18551803
I want success with women. But it seems like to need success to have success with women.

>>18551848

*latter