I keep obsessing over my wife's past sexual partners. She's

Why did you marry her without addressing this insecurity of yours?

I have a policy that I don't get upset about things I can't change. Its dumb and pointless. Also jealousy is a terrible trait for anyone so I just bury that.

>>18550420
I have addressed my insecurity with her, but not specifically about her past sexual partners because I think that would creep her out. I also have paranoid thoughts about her cheating on me all the time (which are unfounded), which I do talk about with her. However, it just makes her almost offended because she is the most loyal person someone could ask for as a significant other.

I'm seeing a therapist about this stuff, but it isn't helping so far. I keep obsessing about her having sexual excitement with another person (before she met me, 8 years ago). I know full well that it is totally insane, but I don't know any coping mechanism.

How do people deal with the fact that their girlfriend/wife has fucked other people and sucked their cocks, and taken it in the ass, or whatever???? How can one be totally ok with that??????

>>18550420
The more past sexual partners a woman has had, the more likely she is to cheat, the more likely she is to have an STD (especially HPV), and the more likely she is to divorce or break up.

In general more past sexual partners means she's jaded on relationships, and less likely to be capable of having a functioning relationship.

No man except literal cuckolds ever _want_ another man fucking their girlfriend/wife, past present or future.

It's pretty reasonable to only want virgins, for most of history guys wouldn't even marry non-virgins. Can't wait until things go back to that.

>>18550417
Were you a kissless/hugless/handholdless virgin before you met her?

>>18550455
This used to bother me as well till I talked with my wife about it. She told me that after being with me and knowing what love actually is the thought of what she's done with her ex makes her feel disgusted. Not that it was anything perticulaly bad, just normal sex, but that she wished she hadn't done it because what she has with me is so much more important and real. I never worry about her cheating or anything though, she's very devoted and we have children together now.

>>18550417
Statistically speaking it might as well be 3 or 4 hundred, virgin or not virgin is the only distinction that matters.

>>18550518
/r9k/ bitter kissless virgin neckbeard memes: the post.

>>18551255
This used to bother me as well. Then I had sex.

>>18551260
He's right you know...

>>18551255
This. Can confirm that after finding what is commonly called a soul mate you will hate your past self for not "waiting" for him. But this is retarded as my former self had to learn the hard way to select between what I think I want (eg what society has told me what to look out for - a good job, equality in a relationship, looks) and what I really need (eg be a good housewife and fullfill what is today called a guilty pleasure in our current society). Therefore without those "mistakes" I would have never gotten to this "knowledge" and happiness with my spouse.

I know all those statistics about more dicks = less happiness, but I do believe the thing that matters is what your mentality and conclusion has been. Did she fuck around just to have fun or did she actually tried to look for the right guy and just didn't had a helpfull envoirement?

That's just how our society works today. In earlier times your whole family has looked out for a guy which will match you, because they knew their daughters better than their pubertal daughters knew themselves.

>>18551268
Go ahead and post those old, debunked meme graphs.

Have you ever thought that she is just saying that to make you feel good?

Never trust a woman's word.

>>18550417

I make her scream more than they did with my alpha dick and unbelievable sexual stamina

I don't really have advice for you since I don't see how anyone could persuade you "don't get insecure about your wife's sexual history" without talking to you for months to figure out the logical steps and the root of why you're insecure. However, I can share my own thoughts and maybe you'll feel less bad or less like your problem is insurmountable. I'm also an incredibly jealous and paranoid person and I hate the idea of a partner cheating on me, and I get very jealous when a partner is ever giving too much attention to another guy at a social gathering unless I know they're old friends/in the past she's explicitly stated to me how unattractive or annoying she finds that guy. On the other hand, I never cared at all about the half dozen or so dicks most girls take before they reach me. It's even usually something I end up discussing with them the first or second time we have sex. I realise this isn't helpful to you but maybe it'd just help you hearing an example of someone who's similarly insecure about infidelity but has no hangups whatsoever about your specific issue regarding your wife not waiting for marriage like some fundamentalist muslim chick

>>18551274
If you don't mind a girl's past then fine good for you I guess but I personally would probably not be able to tolerate it

>>18550417
Well OP you are not alone. Only a fraction of the male population understand there was never one special princess created just for them.

The rest of which you belong, they'll buy a used car or some other previously own shit or pet and not obsess but a female, a living breathing, trying to make there way through life, human being cannot give themselves, enjoy themselves or love someone else prior to knowing you even exist.

I don't think your wife should be dragged into this self centered, ego driven world you created in your mind because you want her to apologize for not waiting for you and/or allow you to punish her for atonement.

Learn to cope with shit you cannot change and if you can't get away from her.

>>18551281
>I make her scream more than they did with my alpha dick and unbelievable sexual stamina
lol another day, another lie to yourself

>>18551272
She had dated some guy in high school for 2 years. After she finally sleep with him he got really controlling and abusive. She broke up with him and then we started dating about a year after that. She told me right from the start that being with him had been a mistake, and that she felt that way even more so after we had been together for a while and gotten serious. She's kind of old fashioned and always wanted to be a wife and mother. I think her first bf was just kind of a misstep and her trying to find that. She's very committed to me and our family. It was a lot easier to except that she'd been with someone before because even in that relationship it's not like she was just being a whore, she was trying to find someone to be serious with. That guy was just not the right guy. I would not have married her if she had just been a slut. Some girls are trying to have committed relationships at all they just sleep around a lot. Those girls you have to worry about cheating, they just like dick. Girls who just wanted a marriage you don't have to worry so much, they got what they wanted by settling down, cheating would only ruin the good thing they set up for themselves.

>>18551301

I'm only meming anon. My dick is average and I'm not very alpha but I can fuck for basically an unlimited amount of time due to days spent edging for 16+ hours when I was a teenager

>>18551309

Personally throughout my first relationship I was hugely susceptible to the whole "grass is greener" thing, it often made me feel dissatisfied and I wondered whether sex would be even more mindblowing with other girls. Now that I have a bit of experience I can actually tell whether I think the sex is good or not, and decide more level headedly whether I'm happy in the relationship.

Imagine if your wife were a virgin. I bet her mind would be wandering all the time, thinking about other guys' dicks, whether they'd be able to fuck her better than you can, whether they'd treat her more nicely or line up with her desires more closely. Lucky you, your wife's ex had shitty compatibility with her and you look great in comparison.

>>18551262
I had had sex with other girls before my wife. They were just sluts, sex with them was ok but it's not like I was trying to marry them or have them be the mother to my kids. Girls who give it up easily are not really wife material in my book.

I feel that this ultimately boils down to not really respecting her agency, especially if you have had other sexual experiences and think that for you it's fine, but it's unbearable that you are not the only person ever who was intimate with her.

I'm not trying to be crude here because I know from this place that this is an insecurity that is more common for men to struggle with. But if you are hoping to free yourself of these compulsive thoughts then tough love is better than telling yourself you are right to feel the way you do.

The reason that your wife had sex with other people is because her sexuality is an independent force within herself. I am quite sure that this in other instances turns you on, that you are not pushing sex on her but are interacting with an energy that she simply has and is part of who she is.
She slept with others because she has free will and was a person with desires and what not before she met you. If she didn't, if she somehow imprinted on you and could never find anyone else attractive, how much would it really mean that she chose to be with you over all other men and marry you? The very fact that she could walk away, the very fact that she could cheat, the very fact that she can be with other men is what makes it worthwhile and valuable that she chooses not to do so and spend her time with you. Only give herself to you.

>>18551324
Wouldn't that make you a manslut and therefore not husband material?

>>18551309
>they got what they wanted by settling down, cheating would only ruin the good thing they set up for themselves.
Exactly, but don't expect a nuanced view on relationships with most people here. For some it's just easier to blindly believe some superficial stats which only show one side of a coin.

>>18550518
>for most of history guys wouldn't even marry non-virgins.
For most of history men had no real say in who they married and got a wife to have and look after their kids, not to love tenderly.

Also no. Just because the few official sources show that virgin brides were the norm doesn't mean your average farm girl was actually a virgin when she got married. Don't ask, don't tell.

>>18551324
I agree with your stance on women who put out easily but you are not a husband material either. Fucking some random women without deep or meaningful bond with them, just to dip your cock... I wouldn't want you as my husband or father of my children. You lack integrity.

>>18551316
No I don't think she'd think that way at all, she's only been with me and one other person and she only sleep with him like 3 times. I think she's intelligent enough to know that us two aren't the only types of men out there. If she thought like that she'd still have reason to be curious. She's never wanted to have bunches of experience with different people or to see what it be like with others. She made first dude wait two years and me a year and a half, if she was that curious she'd have had sex a lot sooner then that. She seems to be most happy and get off the most to just being a wife a pleasing me. She likes giving me head as much as sex because she says it makes her feel like a good wife. We have a pretty open relationship and try anything that either one of us wants just about. It seems like most of her interests lie in being submissive to me and devoted to me. Like it turns her on that were committed to and belong to each other.

>>18551343
It's also good to remember paternity tests and birth control didn't exist those days.

>>18551324
hold yourself to the same standards then faggot

>>18551352
And home remedy abortions did. As did alternative methodes to make yourself "infertile" like washing the vagina with vinegar etc. That wasn't because the only kids they might have were legitimate.

>>18551350

you'll probably feel less insecure if you do more stuff with her that none of her exes got to do with her. Cum bareback deep inside her anus, fuck her while you grip her by the throat, make her cook for you wearing nothing but an apron and come in to fuck her halfway through then leave when you're done and wait for your meal

how can you possibly remain insecure about her sexual past after doing all those

>>18551350
>It seems like most of her interests lie in being submissive to me and devoted to me. Like it turns her on that were committed to and belong to each other.
My man didn't believe that in the beginning and always thought he had to give me even more pleasure in return. Took a while for him to understand and appreciate. Nice to hear that you've gotten a good one.

>>18551348
No that's how I learned integrity. I sleep with a few girls who were easy when I was young because I though that was the thing to do. After 3 I realized that that wasn't fulfilling at all and that the girls were just dumb whore who would put out for any guy, I felt stupid for having fucked them despite the whole "guy should be experienced thing" and then stopped doing it. I then only looked for a girl that I wanted to get serious with and waited to have sex again till I found her.
>>18551330
See above, honestly it's not that different of a situation as my wife, she just knew from the start that marriage was what she was looking for. Where as I bought into the whole experiment, sleep around thing for a short time before realizing how pointless it was.

>>18551360
Your talking to the wrong person I'm not op

>>18551371
>I sleep with a few girls who were easy when I was young because I though that was the thing to do. After 3 I realized that that wasn't fulfilling
Right, so you're allowed to make bad choices and have them in no way reflect your actual good character, but women aren't.

>>18551371
> I then only looked for a girl that I wanted to get serious with and waited to have sex again till I found her.
Integrity would be to look for women which have been redpilled in the same way later. Women also get told that fucking around is a-okay. How can you wash away your sins and "demand" aa virgin with your past while trash talking women with the same realisation and behavioural betterment?

>>18551353
I had to learn that I had those standards first and as soon as I did realize that's how I felt I did hold myself to them and only look for a girl who was like minded.

>>18551371
>No that's how I learned integrity. I sleep with a few girls who were easy when I was young because I though that was the thing to do

That's how some women learn integrity too. And they put out easily because they are young and think it's the right thing to do. You are on the same level = not a good husband material.

>>18551382
No you idiot, my wife mad a bad choice in her ex and I still married her. God you twats can't fallow a thread for shit.

>>18551391
My bad but
>she just knew from the start that marriage was what she was looking for. Where as I bought into the whole experiment
does sound like you were her first.

>>18551384
I didn't demand a virgin, my wife wasn't one. I said only that I looked for a girl with the same mindset as me. As in she was looking for a serious relationship and marriage and had realized that fucking strangers is unfulfilling. I would have been ok if my wife had had 5 other partners before as long as she realized that she didn't want to sleep around like that anymore. I would not have been interested in a girl who had like say 20 tho, because she obviously just likes having sex with lots of people and being sluty, that's fine some girls like that but that's not the kind of person I'd like to be married to. I thought it was good my wife had learned for her ex as I had from mine and that we had both figured out we wanted something different.

>>18551402
Okay, that clears it up. It did sound like you changed your mindset and had become one of those non-virgins-are literal-trash-because-women-never-actually-change faggots.

In this case, probs for getting back on track.

>>18551388
I have no problem with a grim that learned from it, lots arnt doing that tho. Lots of girls and guys just simply like to sleep around and do it for years, that's fine for them if that's what makes them happy. But that's not them learning from it or anything. People can do what they want I just personally learned that wasn't what I wanted after a few tries and then I only wanted a girl who was like minded as me, if she's had a few partners that she's learned from that's fine but if she was just actively sleeping around because she likes to then I would not have been interested. Not saying those girls are bad just that I was looking for something serious and not for someone who just wanted to be fuck buddies

There's nothing wrong with the way you feel. If you really care about a girl, other men having her should bother you. Where you went wrong was marrying before dealing with it.

Don't listen to the girls in this thread. The most important thing for girls is finding the man of their dreams. To suggest that sleeping with a bunch of guys makes them less appealing threatens the most important thing to them. Of course they'll respond with denial and hostility.

>>18551401
Nope I wasn't, I said before that, that she'd dated a guy in high school and she finally sleep with him after two years and that he turned into a dick after that so she dumped him. My point was she was better then me, even with him she was looking for a real relationship. Where as with my firsts I didn't realize that's what I wanted yet and was just trying to get pussy. Took a few times before I realized that I wanted a commitment not just a pice of ass

>>18551424
I have slept with one person in my life, the only person I ever loved. I fucking adore sex and it's been years since I've had it because I don't fall in love easily and I don't want to have sex for the sake of having sex.

Still I think feeling this way - not just being a bit bothered thinking about it, but actually having a huge issue with it - isn't right. No I'm not looking for a guy either who dumped his dick in any wet hole standing still long enough for that to happen. But that's a far cry from not respecting that your partner had a life before you. OP doesn't describe resentment that his wife gave it up for just anyone, but the very fact that he isn't her one and only ever. To me that has nothing to do with love.

>>18551424
I am always amazed a males innate, irrational sexual jealously that created such rigid rules to judge a females worth continue to this day.

>>18551432
>To me that has nothing to do with love
You are correct anon. Its possessive sexual jealously.