I'm not here to intentionally sound like a total edgemaster,

I can't afford seeing psychologists, psychiatrists or other doctors. Even if I could I'm not interested in WASTING my time with them again, they have proven over and over and over again that they are absolutely incapable of the profession in this country. Europe is garbage, don't believe what anyone else says.

I'm stubborn and I don't trust anybody, and I probably never can again. I'm still asking for any, ANY ideas on what I could do, or preferrably your own experience with seemingly bottomless anger.

If you live near the woods grab a baseaball bat and go smash a stump. If you live in a city then find a gym or something and pay them to use their punching bag. Either way vent all your rage at this inanimate object until you are too tired to hit it anymore.

After you do this start meditating. Lots of guided meditation videos on youtube. I suggest Yongey Rinpoche.

>>18546519
smoke weed nigga

>>18546519
What irks you? It comes from somewhere. Your job is to figure out where, and we can only try to give different perspectives on the highlighted issue. You'll have to look deep down to find the root.

>>18546531
I suggest a meditation where you forget you have a body. Afterall the Ansana is just posture. It'll help ground you down.

>>18546531
I actually have a punching bag of my own. I rarely use it for some reason, I got it to practice boxing on like two years ago, it's probably gathering dust in a corner now. Guess I could give it a go again, but I don't know, I mean I lift regularily and I'm still this pissed off, it actually genuinely has brought me fear that if I keep getting stronger and I keep being this angry, I'll actually hurt somebody some day.

>>18546568
It ranges from I don't know to everything. I can suddenly hate every itty little quirk about a person, for something they said that wasn't even vaguely intended to be insulting, hell I've even started feeling that way from praise because I to this review it in my head and can't decide if they were lying, if they were pitying me or if they were by chance serious. One moment we can have a lot of fun together and then they say something, and I immediately lose interest in their very existance, I even wish death upon them but I keep it to myself.

>>18546578
*because I to this day review it in my head

I'm very grudgeful. If I decide to hate somebody, then they're dead to me, just completely and absolutely rotten to the core.

>>18546578
Yikes. Okay get out of your head. Go talk to people and don't expect anything out of it. Just do.
The more you stay in that she'll the harder it gets to break. I've been there. My secret is that I don't know anything and that's how it rolls. Pity misery or anything doesn't matter to anything but you and some others.

Go talk to someone. It's therapy.

I suppose more than anything, I plain and simply hate myself. There's just nothing worth going into detail about it, I've just always been this way.
Reminds me, the idea of suicide has been with me since I was like 6 or 7 years old. I remember making a friend almost cry when I brought the idea up one time, that I didn't feel like there was any meaning to being around and that nobody would miss me. I'm still convinced that I was right.
This is getting real edgy.

>>18546597
I despise talking to people. I mean, if someone talks to me, actually even when they're somebody I hate, I'll simply reply. I reply just fine, no matter who it is and no matter what they're saying, and I do it with what I can only call habitual friendliness.
There's another thing that disgusts me about myself. Many people, strangely also those that I don't seem to get along with at all, mention that I'm such a friendly or nice person. Apparently I'm easy to get along with. But it's not who I am, not at all, the moment I get back to being in an actually genuinely comfortable position (that is alone with my own thoughts), that's who I am. Sometimes I even manage to let myself out of character a bit and bring up that I really, really hate people in general, but it doesn't deter them from talking with me.
Well my current job at a cafe also requires me to be nice to customers. I've even started separating it as "work personality" and "me".

I rarely get a good night's sleep. I could really really use some right now, but I feel impolite about making a thread and not responding. I need it though, RIP thread I suppose, but if it's still up later I'll go on.

Final word. I sleep poorly because I procrastinate with self harming thoughts that last until my mind seemingly goes blank from exhaustive overthinking, and suddenly my alarm wakes me up and I don't remember falling asleep at all.
I'll go to my bed now, and I'll probably spend an hour thinking to myself that I'm a fucking idiot for even bothering with any of this. I'll never be able to change anyway, I should just die, oh baby it begins. I'll maybe see you guys later.

>>18546601
Ah. It's fine be edgy if it helps get to the root, but you said it yourself.
>plain and simply hate myself
If you hate yourself then you hate everything you do or try to do, and you hate anyone who dares to challenge that notion of valid self hatred.

I hope you see this. Captcha refuses to let me post yo.

First step: overcome self hatred. Learn to love yourself. Whoever that self is with all its putrid, grotesque faces. Learn to love yourself first.

>>18546624
Hopefully you'll learn that none of it matters. A new mindset is only a few realizations away.

Become indifferent. When you stop caring is when you find joy in nothing.
Works for me.
But sometimes I like this burning sensation in my belly that makes me want to destroy something or someone. It gives me the feeling of an irrational, primitive motivation.

i'm not one to point to drugs as the answer but this irrational anger sounds like simply a chemical imbalance and you could find some mild OTCs to help calm you and i'd also look for a friend or something to help you settle down some

Aaaaand here we go again.

>>18546766
How can I love someone myself when I keep ruining every chance at something meaningful I get. I'm a worthless loser by fate.

>>18546786
If I could erase my ability to feel emotions at all I would.
>sometimes I like this burning sensation
>an irrational, primitive motivation
Replace like and motivation with fear and I guess we're similar.
>why fear?
Because if I don't keep myself in check I'll undoubtedly... let it out on other people.

>>18546519
>>18546525


THERAPY
H
E
R
A
P
Y
Just because you're too autistic to sit still for 30 god damn minutes and have a conversation with a fucking adult doesn't mean "it dunt work lel", it means you need to man the fuck up and realize you're on the verge of being a definitional retard.

>>18546871
I've tried different antidepressants for over a year. None of them had a single positive effect, not even one, and the latest variation I had made me so extremely physically and mentally tired that I simply dropped them after 5 weeks and trashed it. Never wasting money on that again.

Speaking of which, I admittedly am waiting for some protein powder, and capsules for omega-3 (fish oil), creatine and L-arginine. They're all for exercise though, and even if I said above that lifting doesn't seem to help, I guess I still want to try somehow.

>>18547195
Have you considered getting professional help (i.e therapy)?

>>18547201
Therapy is a meme that has no option to work on people like me, for many reasons mentioned in this very thread.
>stubbornness
>zero interest in talking
Especially not with the 100% incompetent doctors in this country, there's really no excuse for how they got hired, not a single one of the dozens I've been forced to interact with has shown me the slightest spark of understanding the situation and even less pretending to give a shit. In the more recent years I've acknowledged that people whose paid profession is to "care" for other people don't have the ability to do those jobs, it's so very obvious that they're only there for the money, and with bare basics of out-of-the-school comprehension of human psychology.

have you got any addictions OP?

>>18547214
a psychiatrist will be able to prescribe you shit to even out your rage levels. give it a month

>>18547213
>>18547214
Not overreacting in any way either, absolutely everybody I've come across to discuss this country's bad healthcare with agrees.
Doctors, dentists, psychowhatevers, they're paid to drag out discussions with lies and waste your time, because doing so is the only way they get paid.
At the same time, the country is practically screaming for more more doctors, because nobody here is interested in spending 5 years reading for it anymore. Even smalltime shit like nurses are on high demand and nobody cares, the country doesn't fucking care anymore.

>>18547218
I've genuinely considered if I have an addiction to videogames, but that shouldn't be possible, there is nothing drug-like about it. In the end I simply sit at my computer and mash away at a game that doesn't particularily entertain me (entertainment to me is the rare times I get to laugh out loud, laugh myself to tears, laugh with pure unadultered giggling, just raw childish laughter).

>>18547214
Have you ever been diagnosed with/accused of paranoia?

You sound exactly like my (actually) autistic brother who believes every alex-jones tier conspiracy on internet about psychologsts being a scam and wanting to boost big pharma!'!!!111!1!

>therapists dont care
>forced to talk to

Well if you come at it like that, of fucking course they wont care. You think they give a shit about man-child #7 they've counseled that day if he has zero willingness to believe it MIGHT work? Of fucking COURSE they won't.

I know it's intimidating anon, Therapy is some serious shit to cope with as a concept sense it requires acknowledging there is something severely wrong with yourself that you can not figure out on your own.

You're asking for advice on an anime beastiality site, and you think therapy is a meme?

What a fucking surprise


You're a joke OP. Get over your narcissistic bullshit about being the only special snowflake to have ever had anger issues and start talking to a fucking professional instead of anonymous shit posters if you actually want progress.

My hunch is that you like being this way, otherwise you'd try anything to fix it.

>>18547232
This.

OP is a fucking loser who doesn't get why his head hurts every time he smashes it with a hammer.


The self-admitted rage-autist is acting like he has any authority on healthcare when he probably has a G.E.D and masturbates to anime porn all day and night

>>18547227
Oh, no, I've already been on variations of those. There is no evening out rage levels, even the last ones that made me too tired to function properly didn't made me any less hateful or depressed.
They make me tired, but just tired enough that I can hate myself for taking them when they don't help anyway, and then I hate myself more and the rage builds up again.

>>18547232
I haven't been diagnosed with anything but "you probably have depression", and was immediately sat on antidepressants. This was around February 2016, had talked to psychologists and stuff for 2-3 years before then. Before all this, and I guess it still counts, I've been this way for as far as I'm aware my entire life.

>autistic
My own brother jokingly calls me that a lot. I've realized that even if it was true, I don't care, there'd be zero I could do about it.

>zero willingness it MIGHT work
Hey it's today that I'm saying that they're all just in it for the money, not to help people. cont

>>18547232
cont.
I came to every single one of them after weeks of being told by others that I should give it a try, I built up the mood and courage to give it a shit, and I was let down by every one of them. They are unqualified, plain and simple.

>ever had
It's been my life. It's not something that comes and goes, it's my daily routine. Apparently you only just entered this thread.

>>18547242
>variations

Those therapies (medicinal) WILL NOT WORK IF YOU QUIT THE PROCESS ON THE FIRST COUPLE OF TRIES

Getting the correct dosage on your medicine, let alone getting the RIGHT medicine, will take years, maybe one or two if you're lucky.

Speaking as a intern at a pharmacology center, some of these patients I do check-ups for (usually nurse-type stuff checking blood pressure and what not) have been coming here for years, and the pharmacologists still have to adjust their meds quite often.

Your brain is an amazing machine dude, but we also don't know how to solve problems in it quickly. It takes time, it takes a hefty pair of balls to guinea pig yourself to happiness.

Only people who want the help get the help though, so keep posting here till you inevitably rage quit on freedom when you finally snap and kill a guy

>>18547255
>correct dosage
>the RIGHT medicine
See there is no such thing where I live. Everybody here is treated "like an equal", we're told to buy a package of "the latest thingy" and "follow the label". I've been the one who's had to ask them about how much I should be taking. And from talking with others around here whom I know have also taken/are taking meds, there seems to be literally the same few options across every town in the country. There is no right medicine, there is only what's available.

>>18547262
Where are you from? Because if you're in any first world nation then your friends or whatever schizos you talked about this with are feeding you bullshit.

Not every psychiatrist is the same, in fact, a ton have very unique ways of approaching problems. You might have to shop around some, but in the end you just need to buckle the fuck down and at least try, what other choice do you have except to be an angry cunt all the time?

>>18547269
Sweden. It's basically a third world country and becoming more like one every week. I'll deffuse some assumptions and state that I'm born and raised here, pureblood, so let's not get into that area further.

I guess I'm afraid that the next time I see a disappointing psychologist, I'll get violent. The only mentionworthy thing one has told me before was some shit about the amygdala, and she tried to convince me that my mood stems from bad memory. I felt insulted, and while I can agree that I have a hard time remembering uninteresting things (which is really most things, it seems), I have almost a passion for remembering unnecessary things in the past that fuels my anger more.

>>18547283
*diffuse

>>18547195
So instead of trying to stop your anger, change how it manifests.
Become a cynical fuck and put people down with words, make fun of them so hard that they will despise you with all they got, AND learn to get satisfaction out of doing that.
At least you won't beat them to a pulp.

>>18547379
I don't WANT to hurt anyone. Hell my main goal with deleting almost all social contacts I used to have was to stop being a pest to everyone else.

File: 1499521732039.jpg (2MB, 2496x3456px) Image search: [Google]

2MB, 2496x3456px

>>18547392
Accept who you are and be a cunt, brah. A sick cunt.
Enter Zyzz.

>>18547255
If you cared at all about anything youll never prescribe an ssri to anyone again. the withdrawals are far worse than horrible and can last for years. The worst part is that they know its horrible and more addictive than heroin and crack combined ten fold.
FUCK
pharmaceuticals.

>>18547283
>typical le country is going to the mooslambs frogposter
>no credibility left for the autistic rage bitch

>>18547733
This is a meme.

I really can relate to you. but i never thought of killing myself but killing others, who add to my rage constantly. I'll never actually hurt someone but still, I feel so fucking angry and more and more angry everyday

>>18546601
did he tell you you were wrong? did anybody ever? because they should have. if you never heard that, especially back then when you're still developing and shit really counts, maybe that could be what's at the bottom of this. just a thought.

>>18548886
I've spent a short while thinking about this and I don't think he or anyone else really did. Huh.