Why do such disgusting emotions always come out during breakups?

How did you break her heart?

>>18545883
Why are you texting her?
Just leave it be dude

>>18545892
She broke up with me 5 months before this. She wanted to get back together "later" I got tired of waiting.

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>>18545883
Because of the brainwashing

>>18545897
That's what I'm doing. This is the convo I had letting her know, which was over a week ago.

>>18545883
That's how adults are. Sometimes adults haven't learned how to deal with strong emotions, so they do what they can to cope with or mitigate the hurt.
The responses in the OP tell me that bluetexter isn't understanding the gravity of his response. It's cold. I get that bluetexter was trying to minimize the backlash of a breakup, but by brushing it off as meaningless you aggregate the other person. They begin to think: shit I spent time with this person and they didn't even care to put up a fight. They wanted out more than I did!

See where I'm getting at? The adult thing to do is to understand. That's all. Reaching a peaceful agreement isn't adult in itself.

>>18545909
>coversation to let her know in advance about the conversation where you notify her about stopping further conversations

lul
I see at least 2 pointless messages there from you

>>18545883

romance is considered one of the most powerful emotions so when you take it away from someone they're going to be out of control.

simply remove your self from the situation so they can stew in their own lifeand figure it out. by talking to her you're basically just prolonging the break up.

like imagine if instead of just getting a shot and it being done with the doctor kept inserting the needle in everytime the patient asked why they needed to get a shot.

>>18545910
I'm the blue texter. She's the gray texter. She expected me to wait on her to be ready forever. I couldn't, and I let her know that, then she flipped her shit. I don't see how I did anything wrong.

>>18545922
I don't think you quite understand what I'm saying, which may be my fault. This is the conversation where I stated my intention to begin dating again. We had remained friends during that 5 month period so I didn't see a reason we couldn't keep that friendship, or at least remain on positive terms.

>>18545940
Then why are you responding to her bullshit

Correct way to handle it is to politely let her know and ignore her reply if she spergs out

>>18545947
That's probably true that it would have been better to, but I don't think that makes me responding to her wrong really. Her sperging out is entirely her fault.

>>18545925
Ah. Provide more context next time.

I guess this is the best outcome you could have got.

>>18545956
Yes and your sperging out is your fault as well

>>18545960
I'm not the best at writing, apologies for the lack of context. My ideal outcome here was that we'd remain on positive terms, but I made my choice to move on so I suppose I can't have it all.

>>18545974
I don't see how it's sperging out to speak to her in a level-headed manner.

>>18545982
Shes baiting and you are responding, pretty classic cringe

>>18545988
I think we can agree to disagree on this anon.

My gf and I just split up, she said something about being closer to god and family and I just felt unhappy with her but still loved her. I've been trying to get my stuff back from her but she won't answer my calls or texts. I'm not sure why she can't just offer some closure so I can move on and leave her be

>>18546022
If the stuff she has is valuable, go over to her house and demand she give it to you. If she won't, go get a cop, bring him back and he'll make her.

>>18546028
snitch ass nigga detected

>>18545988

Have you even had a girlfriend? You sound like someone who dated once six years ago and hasn't experienced success since.

Not saying that's how it is, just the way it seems.

>>18546209
?

>>18546209
There's some sort of feeling they gave here. Maybe they sperged like she did at one point and wish they were just ignored or something. Who knows

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>>18545883
Shit, the same thing come happening to me for three months.
She decide alone end the relationship because figure out that she broke the promise of stop talking with her ex.
Finally, I was decided to admit that and goes on with relationship.
Evenly, I ask her for mercy claiming her five days more to think those things.
She end it all.

Then, she tries to make me feel bad saying she want to leave this world (yeah, suicide) but I don´t believe. Instead, avoid that situation talking her softly about a brave new world.
She insists for some months until the last option I found was tell her "please, be respectfull with yourself. Respect your own decisions"
She blame me arguing I was irrespectful with her, she gets mad and finally she say "goodbye".

Haha, retarded bitch.

>>18546319
This tbqh

>>18545883
>Hate isn't the way to go, but if it's what you need to cope I'll accept it.
lol get mad bitch

OP acting like he isn't even fucking with her too omg

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>>18545883

1. Humans are not inherently reasonable creatures. Everyone responds differently to negative situations and more often than not our natural reaction is to strike back at those who we feel have wronged us.

2. The text sent in the picture was obviously quite condescending and devoid of empathy. "I'm sorry you feel that way" is a really blasé, childish thing to say to a person who feels hurt by you and you shouldn't ever expect a reasonable, adult reaction from people if you speak to them like their feelings are silly to you, whether you agree with them or not.

3. Don't make the mistake of thinking that shutting down and dismissing people's feelings through robotic indifference makes you better than people who respond to pain with passion or anger. This kind of mindset kind of is in line with the politicized idea that whichever person remains the calmest in an argument is the correct one. That's a really shitty way to cop out of learning to speak to people and at least attempting to validate some of their pain when they're discussing their grievances with you. Indifference doesn't make you superior, OP.

I don't know anything about this situation but assuming she feels like you broke her heart and did somethings shitty to her, saying "I'm sorry you feel that way" is just a complete non-response. She hates you because she tells you how she feels and your response is "I'm sorry you feel that way". You basically gas-light people into getting pissed off and then dismiss them entirely because they got pissed off.

>>18546319
what the fuck are you even trying to say? God, I cannot put into words my intense hatred of non-native English speakers.

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>>18546319
> the same thing come happening to me
>She decide alone end the relationship
>I was decided to admit that and goes on with relationship.
>Evenly, I ask her for mercy claiming her five days more to think those things. She end it all.

Did you translate that through a potato? What the fuck is this shit.

>>18546319
What language is this?

>>18546543
>I don't know anything about this situation
Obviously. Of course, you would have known if you'd bothered to read the thread before typing 4 paragraphs castigating OP.

The sparknotes: she broke up with HIM, with the tentative hope of maybe getting back together someday, and expected him to wait for her. After five months (!) he decided he was going to start dating other people, and told her so. She proceeded to flip her gourd.

Given the selfishness of that - "I'm going to break up with you now, but I expect you to wait around for me in case I want to get back together" - I think the tone of his responses was more than fair, and her saying he "broke her heart" is beyond absurd. Frankly he deserves credit for keeping a cool head when faced with utterly selfish, unreasonable behavior. Next time you need to read the thread before getting up on your hobby horse about "politicized ideas" about remaining calm in arguments or whatever the fuck you're on about.

>>18546543
what you're saying makes sense. With the full context everyone I've spoke to (granted, friends of mine) has said that she was acting completely irrationally, and that I had handled it in a kind way.
I'll do my best to break down our relationship:
>met online. She lives about an hour away, no big deal
>we hit it off really well, but we do move a bit fast for her.
>she is on prescription drugs that lower her sex drive, I'm pretty sexual by nature but I can deal
>she decides we shouldn't be together because she isn't a good girlfriend/can't handle it in her words. She barely speaks to me after
>fast forward 4 months. I'm still very in love with her, waiting. We talk around once a week, by talk I mean I talk to her and she sits quiet and listens.
>her laptop breaks
>that week things are fantastic. She messages me all the time, we have good talks, she tells me how much she loves me. Even invites me over for dinner with her family. (We hadn't met in person since)
>laptop fixed. Suddenly contact stops. Almost entirely
>date of dinner comes
>I go, but she's super distant the whole time. Seems to intentionally never be alone in a room with me
>I wait another month
>this whole time I've been in pain. Had relapse with my self harm issue
>I just can't take it anymore
>meet a girl who's pretty,smart, has her shit together
>become friends
>hanging out one day, she asks if she can kiss me
>I do it
>decide I want to date this girl
>think on it for a few days
>decide I need to tell my ex
That's the full context.

>>18546571

>Next time you need to read the thread before getting up on your hobby horse about "politicized ideas" about remaining calm in arguments or whatever the fuck you're on about.

Thanks for your ramble. If you read my post carefully you'd know that who was wrong or right in the situation had really nothing to do with what I was saying.

>>18546603

I understand that she wasn't behaving in the most logical way but I think you understand the basis of what I was saying.

I think my point is if your goal was to just be aloof and as dismissive as possible then there was actually no point in the conversation and, additionally, regardless of the fact that she was behaving irrationally you spoke to her as though her feelings were dumb and unimportant which, naturally, really pissed her off. My point is if someone's feelings are actually dumb and unimportant to you then having a conversation just for the sole purpose of pissing them off seems kind of redundant.

All of that is fine if thats the way you want to do it but to come here and say her behavior was gross and she didn't handle it like an adult didn't really make any sense because you kind of purposefully angered her. I get that her expectations were completely unrealistic, I just hope you understand that regardless of who is wrong or right in a situation, speaking to people like their feelings are silly is always going to garner a negative reaction. You can gas-light crazy people if you want but it doesn't exactly create a good justification for you taking the high road.

For this guy >>18546571 I'll give the spark notes:

You can talk to people like they're stupid if you want but, regardless of whether or not they actually are being stupid it will, without fail, produce a negative result.

>>18546603
>decide I need to tell my ex

You had me until that point, you didn't need to tell your ex anything. You don't owe her a damn thing, and she might be jealous for some selfish reasons but rubbing it in

Did you tell her because you were angry she gave you mixed signals? You should tell her what you told us instead, she might realize she's a selfish cunt

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>>18546647
My intention wasn't to anger, and I have trouble really seeing how. But here's another screenshot of the convo earlier, mayb might give some more insight. Her saying this comes literally JUST before she said OP post to me.

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>>18546657
Wrong cap my bad

>>18546657

>My intention wasn't to anger

I don't think it was but, I think you knew deep down she wasn't really going to respond well. Your last statement "Hate isn't the way to go but if thats what you need to cope I'll accept it" was basically saying "Well, you're wrong and I'm right but if being wrong helps you I'll accept it."

The point of my post wasn't to paint you as the bad guy, it was just a general criticism of the fact that you were genuinely surprised that she reacted negatively to your words.

>>18546660
>>18546657
>>18545883

Also, for the record, I don't see what "disgusting" emotions you're talking about. She's obviously just really hurt but I don't think she was behaving grossly.

>>18546666
I could see how that line could upset her. I just don't get how she doesn't realize how irrational she was being. She's a smart girl, smarter than I am.

>>18546660
Why are you the one apologizing? You knew how this was going to go but you went ahead and told her. The issue was between you two and you couldn't even talk about it. Now a third person is involved, of course it will get complicated. You should have talked abiut what you two were and clarify before dropping the bomb on her.

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>>18546672

>>18546673

>I just don't get how she doesn't realize how irrational she was being

That part doesn't matter so much, I think. Additionally, people behave in all kinds of irrational ways when they aren't able to have something that they really want even if they are the reason they didn't get it. Emotions make people irrational. Have you never felt that way? Have you never felt irrationally jealous or critical of a guy being with a girl you are attracted to even though you have no legitimate reason to feel those things? I'm sure this is not a new revelation to you.

>>18546675
No. I didn't expect her to flip her shit. It'd been 5 months after all.

>>18546679
I might feel that way slightly but I'd never lash out at anyone over it. I do understand your point though, it's a good one.

>>18546647
Jesus fucking Christ. When somebody is behaving badly, saying "I'm sorry you see it that way" isn't "talking to them like they're stupid", and certainly isn't "gaslighting" (look up what that word means). I don't know why you've seized onto that relatively innocuous message and decided that it's "aloof" and "dismissive" but it's just not; it's a reasonably polite attempt at disengaging from somebody who's being rude, aggressive, and irrational.

Despite what you seem to think - and damn but you have some strange ideas - simply failing to reply at all would have pissed her off even more. Guaranteed.

Yes, there are other, more diplomatic things OP could have said, but that's never not the case in arguments. He did absolutely fine.

>>18546684
One month not 5, stop compounding it. You still felt something for her on the 4th month that's why you were in pain.

>>18546696
We were broken up for 5 months. Yeah, I still felt for her after 4. And she said she still felt for me, but we were never back together.

>>18546691
But you don't get to "politely disengage from somebody". That in and of itself is a completely childish way of seeing the world. You don't get to disengage with people. You are not entitled to that happening unnaturally.

Chances are they're not being rude or aggressive or irrational and that's just your own irrationality attempting to excuse itself, so that's why it's "aloof" and "dismissive".

>>18546702
I mean she was lashing out at me. In my mind I had 3 options: Ignore her, defend myself, or say I'm sorry she feels that way. I didn't want to be confrontational as she was already v upset, but I also wanted to reach a conclusion in the dialogue where she could have more positive feeling than "anon u intentionally broke my heart and rubbed it in my face"

>>18546699
Its not about how long you were broken up. You were still in contact with feelings for each other. There was no boundaries in your "friends" state aside from the sex and physical contact. Emotionally you were still invested in her.

>>18546708
> "anon u intentionally broke my heart and rubbed it in my face"
But you did, the new person didn't need to be introduced yet.

>>18546708
Why not give her what she wants. Whatever that is.

>>18546709
I was invested yes. But she wasn't putting in the effort. I could see every day she'd play vidya with her group of friends, and she would rarely even respond to my messages. She never lived up to her promise of us spending more time together. It was less if anything. How can I be expected to stick around forever in a "relationship" like that?

>>18546713
Because what she wanted was for me to sit by idley until the never land day where she was ready to date me again. And I'm just suppose to hope it never happens again, even if that day ever came.

>>18546718
If it's as dumb as that then why even make a thread about it.

>>18546712
It would be dishonest for me to not tell her in my mind.

>>18546724
To try to get advice and make sense of why people act like this.

>>18546727
>dishonest
Really? What do you owe her? If you still cared what she thinks, can you really say you're over her? And the new girl, are you sure she isn't a rebound?

>>18546734
She isn't a rebound, no. I genuinely care for her, she's pretty, smart, and hard working etc

>>18546702
You couldn't be more wrong. When somebody is upset, and engaging with them is likely to make things worse, then often the best thing to do is to find a polite way to bow out of the conversation. If there's anything remaining to be said, it can be said later, once tempers have cooled somewhat.

You're trying to come across as a worldly adult telling it like it is, but I don't think you're older than 25.

To restate, OP: you did fine. You kept your dignity, and you didn't rise to the bait and say anything insulting or hurtful.

>>18546752
OP was patronizing and dismissive as fuck. Yes, that's definitely insulting to someone who is telling you you hurt them.

>>18546761
What would you have had me say? I guess I just don't understand what words would have been better. I feel that I handled it At least decently well.

>>18546789
You did handle it decently well. You've gotten some odd advice so far (and I suspect several of the people who've criticized you only skimmed the thread, possibly missing the messages where you apologized for hurting her >>18546660 and explained why you sent the messages that you did >>18546678, all of which you did calmly and civilly).

After a certain point, when you've apologized to somebody (without admitting fault), and you've explained yourself, and they're still upset and angry, there's nothing you can do but accept that they're going to remain upset and angry whatever you say, end the conversation as civilly as possible, and give them the space to sort through their feelings and cool down - which is pretty much what you did. Prolonging things and accepting more responsibility and blame than you actually deserve frankly does them no favors either, in the long run.

There's probably something you could have said that would have been gentler than
>I'm sorry you see it that way
but IN THE CONTEXT OF THE SITUATION AND THE CONVERSATION, what I think a lot of posters are missing, that message is ... fine. Perhaps not perfect, but fine. There are better uses for your time & energy than going back and trying to figure out what "the perfect message" would have been when no such message exists.

She'll be OK, dude.

>>18546815
You're right. Thank you for the advice anon. She'll be okay, and I already am ok.

>>18545982
>speak to her in a level-headed manner
lol you responded because of the need to appear cool, just like the need to make this thread.

None of her massages guarantee a response from a level headed person

This pretension is sad.

>>18546815
There would have been nothing wrong with what he said if he didn't make this thread acting like like he's the fucking arbiter of what the "proper behavior" is when it's clear he has no grasp of the situation himself. I'm pretty sure his ex saw through the bullshit just like a lot of the people in this thread did.

>>18545982
Accusing someone of being "hateful" so you can act like you're better than they are when they said nothing hateful is pretty hyperbolic and sperg-ish

>>18545982
This op, I'm on your exs side.

>>18545883
Want the science answer?

Humans pair bond. There are highly addictive hormones involved with keeping you tied to a partner to raise and provide for children better. Its evolutionary.

Breakups arent terribly different from extreme stimulant drug withdrawal on a neurological level.

>>18546883
Sorry forgot to add.

It hits some harder than others, too.

At the end of the day, we only have op's side of the story so that's all we have to go on.

They're both obviously fucking children, and based on that I think op handled it better.

His ex is a fucking drama queen who is the star of her own show in her own mind. First she breaks things off herself because she feels like she's "not a good girlfriend" because she has a lower sex drive even though op is OK with it.

Then she puts herself through 5 months of martyrdom

You can bet that the time he was over for dinner she was moping around in her own head ruminating about how awful life is.

>>18545903
she's got BPD. you done well.

>>18546660
Don't apologize you little faggot. Don't give her the upper hand.

>>18546513
Fucking this

There's a very defined line between being a dick and being calm about it

You sound patronizing as fuck OP, no wonder she couldn't commit

>>18546603
Are all heterosexual men this fucking weird? Jesus I have never once heard of a gay man or a lesbian woman cutting themselves over a fucking break up

>t. Faggot that is clearly manlier than OP

>>18547186
Everyone's got their vices my man

>>18547171
Apologizing doesn't give her the upper hand.

>>18545883
She sounds like an Aries.

>>18547186
That's because you degenerate gays consider fucking in a bathhouse on ecstacy to be a relationship

>>18547301
Gemini

I'm on OP's side. I can see how the initial post came off as condescending but with the added context of the other texts and his green text, I think he handled it just fine and there isn't much else he could have done.

>>18546319
good story. A little clarification is needed, though, has anyone really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like?

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I have posted my story in thread where people as questions to opposite genders, I'd cut a long story short. I'd be great if I received some piece of advice.

Ex-GF breaks up with me because she wasn't feeling love. Actually, I think it's pure bullshit, I acted in ways that turned her off. When I confronted her and asked what does she want from me, said that she'll be my GF now, she said that she doesn't know but she loves me.
I don't think it's possible to return her back after things I did.

So, she breaks up with me, and I handle it well. I said that we won't be friends, saying that I need time. After that she asked me how I am, I said that I am fine. Later, more precisely -- three days later, she asks why can't we be friends, I said that I don't befriend those who feel excitement and not love towards me (excitement in meaning of gambling, gaming, ardour, I don't know what word is correct), so, we could only fuck without obligations. Then she got mad, saying, that I only needed sex from her, people stay friends even in worst situations, that I act pitiful and disgusting, etc. Saying how could I immediately forget everything, while she can't. I didn't believe her. I bet she'll jump on another dick in few days and forget EVERYTHING ever happened. I said that she could think of me the lowest low, I don't give a fuck. That manner was kind of cringe. But, then, after I completely cut contact after raging stroke, I agreed to be friends later. Sent few messages to each other. Everything seems OK, but she thinks I play games with her. I want to get her back again. Fuck.

What do I do? Should I apologize in person and move on? Actually, what I really want to do is to yell at her saying she's fucking lying whore, but she wasn't like that during the relationship. I don't want to be toxic and blame anyone, but that's what I want to do truly.

At this point you're both just tapping your thumbs at your screens.

>>18546555
>the same thing happened to me
>she decided to end the relationship
>????
>I asked her to give it 5 more days to rethink this. She decided to end it.

Come on man get your reading comprehension together. It's amazing that we can chat globally anyways I bet you can't speak his native tongue.

>>18547292
Apologising makes you look like a little bitch.