Something's off. We're dating for 4 years and I love

>>18542714
>ITT looking justification for cheating on your BF

>>18542714
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limerence

>>18542714

I can't say whether or not you should leave him. That is a decision you have to make on your own. What I can say is that suppressing these feelings isn't fair to you or him.

You need to sit down and tell him everything you just told us and put the ball in his court. Additionally, you need to decide if this is something you're willing to work on or if you're already tapped out of this relationship and just not ready to admit it. Whatever this issue is you need to discuss it with him and then decide together where to go from here.

Even if you end up leaving the relationship, after four years together you owe him an explanation. Don't forget that this is his relationship too. If you really don't want to see him hurt then be honest with him. It may be very painful for him to hear the truth but it will be infinitely less painful than dragging this on and letting him believe that his relationship of four years is still working when it actually isn't.

>>18542714
ITT: Tyrone gave her the tingles in her lady bits and now shes craving that man meat.

So who do you think about?

>>18542725
>>18542779
>>18542794
I'm not blaming you for thinking that and it would have been so much easier if that was it because at least I'd know the root of the problem. There's noone else around besides a new job that's keeping me busy a lot. I'm not looking for any other men and I legitimately feel I'm at a point in life when I could use some loneliness to figure myself out as a person (does it make sense???)

>>18542733
I'm afraid of telling him because he'll be just like "Ok so what do you want to do about it? Are you leaving? Do you want to work this out?" and I just... won't know. I don't want to talk to him before I figure this out. I want him in my life but if I leave him as a boyfriend it probably would be too painful for him to stay around...

>>18542822
Nobody is going to fall for this bullshit "give me sympathy" post. All you have said this whole thread is that you want this guy around for his resources, but want to sleep with other men on the side

>>18542836
I don't want to sleep with anyone. With my job and all the stuff I'm doing I wouldn't even have time for any romancing.

>>18542822
so what do you want us to do? Just make up your mind and do whatever you think is the best.

I don't get the point of this thread.

So who do you think about in bed?

>>18542854
Yeah you're probably right. I guess I just wanted to get this off my chest because most of my close friends (obviously) know him too and I really don't want to talk to them about it.

I was just thinking maybe someone somewhere has been going through something similar and has some experience or whatever. Dunno.

>>18542714
There has to be a reason. If you legitimately can't find a reason, after you've thought it over and talked it out and legitimately made every effort to save the relationship that you could reasonably make, then maybe leave him if you're seriously unhappy.

There's 2 things to consider, sometimes you think there's not a reason when there's a very simple one staring you in the face you're either unwilling or unable to acknowledge. That's why I said make efforts, talk to other people (like here, good job) but preferably ones who know the two of you and could help you find out why you feel like the relationship has changed.

The other thing is that happy is very relative. It's easy to feel happy when times are really good, particularly right after hardships. But when everything's just OK, when the hardship is forgotten and "happy" is the new normal, it can feel like you're not "happy" any more when the only thing that's changed is your point of view. That's why it's important to figure out why you feel the way you do.

>>18542859
Just nothing. I focus on the feelings. Just close my eves and drift into some sort of void. Just faceless men sometimes. But mostly I'm just "away"

>>18542870
Chad it is.

>>18542822

>I'm afraid of telling him because he'll be just like "Ok so what do you want to do about it? Are you leaving? Do you want to work this out?"

Like I said, be honest with him. If you don't know, tell him you don't know. The point is not to already have figured this problem out by the time you tell him, the point is to tell him this problem so that at least has an opportunity to address it and be involved in the process.

>I don't want to talk to him before I figure this out.

I really think this is the wrong move. I think its very selfish and damaging in the long run to keep this kind of possibly relationship ending information to yourself. Letting him continue to invest his time and energy into this relationship thinking everything is fine is a very cruel thing to do to him.

>I want him in my life but if I leave him as a boyfriend it probably would be too painful for him to stay around

Then make your goal honesty, not damage control. There is no easy way to end a relationship of 4 years there is only the right way. It seems to me like you're prioritizing your wants and fears ahead of involving your boyfriend in very important issues with your relationship.

That is not meant to be a scathing indictment of you as a person. This happens to a lot of people. The general theme of my advice is that even though its understandable to be scared and hesitant to speak to him you have an obligation to do just that now that you know how damaging this could be to him in the long run if you stay quiet. You have to realize that looking him in the face every day and knowing he has no idea you aren't attracted to him anymore and want to leave him is a form of deception. You're lying to him.

He has invested 4 years of his life into this relationship and regardless of whether or not you've come to terms with these feelings you owe him an opportunity for him to do the same. You don't owe him answers or a perfectly realized plan, you owe him honesty. No more excuses.

>i want to leave this Person that I love and have absolutely no Problem with, am I overthinking? Xdddd

Please. Go fuck yourself and die.

>>18542880
If you want to believe women are just cheat&lie machines then suit yeurself, I'm saying this for the very last time, there is no Chad.
>>18542889
Thank you so much for taking your time to reply.
I don't want to be selfish. The reason why I hesitate is that I feel that this is 100% because of me. I recently moved to another city, to my first own flat without roommates, I have a job that's keeping me very busy... I finished uni last year and I feel like this is the first time there's an open road ahead of me and it's my time to decide... everything. And then I started to question whether he's the man I want to spend my life with and then it wall went downhill.
What I'm trying to say is that there's nothing he can do about it. Nothing he can improve on. I have to work this confusion out before I decide to hurt him. If I tell him now he'll be just hurt and he'll just wait for my decision and I don't have one ready. I don't have answers. Wouldn't telling him now be like toying with his emotions just for the sake of getting this off my chest?

Maybe he might feel the same way about you.

Talk to him!

It'll be okay.

>>18542938

>Wouldn't telling him now be like toying with his emotions just for the sake of getting this off my chest?

No, telling him now would be giving him the opportunity to look at his relationship without the wool pulled over his eyes. Telling him now would be giving him the option to either stick around and work this out with you or move on with his life. Telling him now would be at least giving him some runway to prepare himself and his life for the end of his 4 year relationship instead of springing it on him. Telling him now would spare him the pain of realizing you've been looking him in the eye, hugging him and kissing him and being with him for the past 6 months or however long knowing damn well that you didn't want to be with him anymore and said nothing.

Like I said, you don't owe him answers, you owe him the truth. You owe him the opportunity to be apart of the decision making process in his own relationship instead of waiting until you've already made a decision to tell him there is a problem.

Tell him, OP. The longer you stay locked in with your own thoughts and draw this out the longer you'll continue to convince yourself that letting him live a lie is the right decision. It really isn't.

>>18542938
Not the same anon who gave you some top tier advice, but in my mind he's right, keeping your feelings from him would only make it worse. Maybe he sees where your coming from, maybe his feelings have changed too. You really don't know, and if you care about him as much as you claim he deserves to know what you think about your relationship with him. All of it. And maybe getting it out in the open and talking about it with him will clarify some things for you. Make your decision easier.

>>18542714
You're hurting him more by dragging things out staying with him when you see no future

Just break up so he can be with someone who does see a future with him and so you can be with someone you see a future with

>>18542938
Tyrone it is.

I'm in a 7 year relationship and I'm the boyfriend in your story.

My girlfriend told me about a month ago that she isn't sure what she wants from life and if she wants to live it with me.

I'm terribly upset about the whole ordeal but at least I know how she feels, I decided to give her a chance to think about it but one month later I feel like I'd probably be best to start making permanent living arrangements.

Oh, Anons... I just... know this will break him. And even though I know this might not be the man I want to spend my entire life with I can't bring myself to hurt him, seriously, he's 31, he went through some rough breakups before, he's a bit of a loner and I'm really sure he loves me tons...
There are reasons. Small unimportant reasons like I'm annoyed by the fact that he's passive in life.
Bigger things like he doesn't want kids while I do, one day in a few years.
I know I should break up. This is more and more apparent. I just keep delaying this because I hope so so so much this will just got away and I'll be in love again in no time.

But I won't be, right...? I really am selfish...
Hahaha, I should just take >>18542900 's advice :'D

>>18543017
This

>>18543017
It's not selfish to want to be happy. It's selfish to want to be happy at another person's expense which is what you're doing when you lead on your boyfriend any more than you already have. And are you any happier for leading him on?

Let him go.

Literally the best thing for you to do is talk it out with him. There's no point in even trying to commit to a lifelong relationship unless you're willing to share everything. If you're not willing to commit that to this guy, then that might be your answer. But I'd highly suggest talking it through and getting it all out there

>>18543017

Just fucking ugh. You wouldn't be saying "selfish" if there was no other dude.

Also, why are you so nonchalant about this...? Why is there an undertone of amusement in your post?

>>18543017
Fuck his weak faggot ass. If he offs himself because you left then he'd be doing the rest of the male gender a favor.

>>18543160
Everyone is literally telling me that I'm selfish in this thread so I guess they got me convinced? Why would I go to an annonymous board to get stuff off my chest and lie about a crucial detail? I'm honest, I'm having so many things going on right now I don't even have time to see my actual boyfriend too often. There's no other man in my life. I'm honest.

And the amusement... I guess this is the point when you realize how hopeless the situation is the only thing thats left is just laughing through tears? I'm not taking this lightly. I wouldn't sit in this thread if I was.

>>18543179
Again, the best advice I can give is to just chat to him. If you're after an outlet to discuss or vent whatever you're feeling I'm happy to have a chat on Kik or something.

You've annoyed me, enraged me even. Congrats. Now go break up with him so he can khs. What's your plan? Be that cougar who works the rest of her life in some office business making it to the top and ducking chad at the new years eve party? What is your end game here?

>>18542725
Holy shit. It's exactly me. I can't comprehend that this is so well defined.

>>18542862
To me you sound like a normal person thinking through the emotional end of a relationship and how to move on without causing unnecessary damage to someone you care for but no longer love romantically.

If you don't love him anymore discussing it with him and dragging the emotional entanglement out with false hope and a half hearted commitment unfair to both of you.

I applaud you for not using the cowards tactic of cheating to make it easier on you but harder on him.

You know its over and its time to cut the cord. Plan your next landing spot and when you do talk to your soon to be ex the discussion should be about day and time of moving and who gets what.

>>18543179
I don't think you are selfish at all. Every person alive comes to crossroads in their lives and you are honestly trying to sort it all out. Its no crime to fall out of love. You are not married, you are young, you have no children and there is no other man. Be free so get started

>>18543692
Haha, truth be told I'm just a regular person who wants a happy family. That's one of the reasons I started to have doubts - he says he never wants kids, I do, one day. Honestly my endgame here is just a job I don't hate, a good husband, 2 kids and holidays by the sea every 2 years.
>>18544305
>>18544311
Thank you for not condemning me. I feel like a fucking hitler but I gues you're all right. If I keep thinking about it I should end it. There's no hope for those feelings to just disappear...

>>18543179
People lie on these boards all the time because they don't want to be judged. There's something you're not telling us, maybe you don't want to be judged or maybe you can't accept it yourself because of how pathetic the excuse is. Either way I don't really care because the only person you're hurting is the person you supposedly care about (which is obviously another lie, because if you did care you would be honest with not only the strangers on this board but also with the man himself).

>>18544385
Did he say he never, EVER wants kids or did you spring it on him and he said not now or he isn't ready? Or maybe did you hint by talking about baby names or some other stupid games women play instead of being direct and he didn't get the message so you just assumed he didn't want kids?

When was the last time you actually asked him about having kids and what EXACTLY did he say? If your main issue is the kids thing maybe you should confront him about it being a deal breaker for you and that if he doesn't even want kids then you can't be with him because you do want kids. Have you ever been straight about this EXTREMELY important factor in relationships or do you expect him to read your mind?

>>18544485
I don't know what to tell you, my guy. When I'm thinking about why I wouldn't want to spend my life with him I can figure out some reasons but objectively they don't look like dealbreakers. There might be something I'm not telling you but it's not on purpose, it's because I have trouble figuring out my own reasons. Once more, there are no Chads around.
>>18544499
Well, it was a casual conversation and I didn't make a big deal about it and I didn't try to be sneaky. I just said that probably I'd want kids one day and he said "I'm not sure I ever want to have children. I honestly don't think I do." . As I mentioned above, he's 31 and I can imagine if he wanted them it would have manifested by now.

>>18544516
That is the only deal breaker you've mentioned. So if that's it, tell him, and see where it goes from there.

>>18544516
>he's 31
He definitely does not want kids OP.

I also don't understand some of the anon's here that believe a woman should stay even if she doesn't love the man if there are no children. As a man why would I want a woman that honestly does not love me?

>>18542870
Can he not tell that you aren't even there during sex?
That sounds like neither of you are really having a good time; just going through the motions

>>18543160
Why is there a tone of sadness and bitterness in your post?

>>18542714
hey just want to say this to you. Don't be like me...im in a relationship with a woman who i pretty much have no sexual attraction too and to afraid to break up with because im not a handsome guy and to afraid to be alone. We have been together for 10 years and i haven't had sex in 2. I feel so alone and miserable that i don't know what to do anymore. If you have a problem with him talk it out with him and take care of it. Don't be like me.

A relationship requires the two of you to function. Your partner isn't a pet dog that can only understand basic things. Go talk to him.

How you will proceed after that will all be up to you.