I'm still fucking afraid of the dark, and though I don't

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I'm still fucking afraid of the dark, and though I don't think it's what's causing my insomnia it doesn't fucking help. Recently I keep catching silhouettes and movement in my peripheral vision too. I think that's just the sleep deprivation.
Keep playing out the scenarios in my head, like closing my eyes and opening them again only this time there's something there, you know. Crouched right up at my face, or at the other end of the room. Sometimes the silhouettes of shit in my room gets blurry in the dark and I have to focus to make sure it isn't something, someone, fucking curled up and waiting. Recently I almost didn't go to the toilet at night because I was afraid of hands grabbing my feet and pulling me under the bed as soon as I stepped out of it. Monsters under the fucking bed, serious kid shit. I've tried to just tough it out but it's unbearable. The one respite I've got is shoring up the blankets beside me to make a wall, and hiding under it. Only works if the bed is against a wall. Stiflingly hot too. Rationally speaking shit would just reach in from the top, but I think it's what my dad did for me when I was a kid so it works. I wouldn't count alcohol as a permanent solution but it works too.


I lift and I have weapons on hand so even if there was something I could fuck it up badly but god damn I still get terrified of this shit, and I'd really love to fucking know if there's a way to kick it.