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hi /adv/
I really didn't think it would come to this. I need your advice on which way to go.
Let me start from the beginning. I'm a little over 30 and have a fiance. We've been together for about 9 years. She's a bit younger than me. I proposed to her last spring. She's very caring and quite beautiful. We had an on and off relationship before, living in different cities, breaking up, she had somebody and so did I. But we've always cared for each other. I think she would make the perfect mother. She's a good person, very fragile and emotional yet very decisive. I, on the other hand, consider myself to be a shitty person. I often get drunk, had a drug problem, cheated on her a lot - that's why she left me but I begged her to to come back (it took a year and she moved back in, some months later I proposed thinking I've finally grown up and I'm ready for a family with her).
3 years ago I started a new job. Things were going fine, I even met a girl I had a brief relationship with when my long-term gf left me. There was also another girl I didn't really pay much attention to. She was quite cute and fun. Very happy and quirky. I'm more of a quiet type. She kept to herself and I had my problems too. But suddenly we became very close to each other. Talking constatnly and having fun at work. Our conversations were really random and it seemed to us like only we understand each other. She was engaged. I was about to get engaged, we didn't think our conversations were any kind of romatnic or sexual. A year ago she said she's quitting her job to live with her fiance in another city. On the last day of her job we had a party and after everybody left the two of us found ourselves kissing for hours. I came back home really confused and angry at myself. I was supposed to end my bullshit and commit to my fiance so I texed the girl that we should live our own lives and stop going deeper into a potential affair.
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>>18535103
Months passed and we were still talking online everyday avoiding the most important topic, just sharing our everyday problems and cracking jokes. So came winter and she decided to visit our old workplace. The moment we met I got all sweaty and my head started spinning. We went out with a group of workmates but found ourselves hoding hands at the bar one time. After that we started calling each other on the phone. My fiance was completely unaware of her existence. Days after we met the girl from work left her fiancee. I was shocked but tried to comfort her. I asked my friend for advice and he told me to go on a date with her. We met a few times (she came to my city after work, I lied that I had met with friends, etc.) We had the best time ever, kissed and really developed a relationship. I was determined to tell the truth to my fiancee and one day told that I wasn't sure about our future. There was somebody else and I didn't know how to handle it. She got very mad and urged me to make a decision, but I didn't want to leave her.
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>>18535113
We have a flat toghether, we were planning our marriage, I was really desperate to win her back just a year ago, I felt I couldn't leave her for a random girl from work. We had great history together, all our friends are common, I was afraid to lose all that.
I denied any feelings for the other girl and promised to cut contact with her. This would, however, repeat. The girl from work would drop by to my city every couple of weeks and we'd see each other. On our final "date" a few monhts back we even said we love each other, but the next day my my fiancee found out that we'd met and was seriously pissed. Again I promised to cut ties with the girl from work, and this time she got really angry at me for breaking the ties with her.
In the next months I did all I could to live a normal life and avoid thinking about the other girl. But everyday I wake up I see her and I find myself consantly thinking about her. My fiance got sick in the meantime and demands hospital treatment. She urges me to have kids with her. Sometimes I feel like going crazy.
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>>18535115
I did all I could to ignore the girl from work but last week she would again visit our old workplace (we still have no contact). Knowing she'd come (she sent an email to everybody from work) I left early. Now it's been a few days since and I don't know what to do. I can't think straight. I am obsessed with this girl, but somehow I know she's trouble. I don't want to hurt my fiance, but I've been acting weird again and I think she knows what's been going on in my head. I don't want her to suffer because of me and I know I've promised her a lot.
Today I found myself writing a long email to the girl from work about how we should start talking to each other again and again pretend to be friends. I guess I miss her. /adv/ what's your opinion on the situation? what would you do? Should I send her that email?
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OP here, I don't want to leave my fiance, but all I do is think about the other girl. I know it will eventually pass, but I don't want to spend my life thinking that I could have been with somebody who I REALLY loved and decided to play it safe.
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Do you still find your fiancee attractive and do you still love her (and not in a brother-sister type of love)?
If yes, cut all bonds with your crush.
If no, divorce.
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>>18535198
Objectively, my fiance is more attractive than my crush, tall and blonde. My crush is more my type unfortunately, with darker complexion and a brunette. And yes, I still love my fiance, but I wish I could have dreams of her like I have of the other girl. It messes me up practically every morning and I`ve had these feelings since December now...
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>>18535323
Also my fiancee`s more of a normie. She often finds me weird. I feel like I can really relate more with the other girl. I wouldnt call my fiance my soulmate
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