im a neat freak. super concientious (organised, hard working)

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im a neat freak. super concientious (organised, hard working)
everything has to be organised and clean

ive been living with my girlfriend now for 3 years and i am literally going grey from the stress of living with her. I'm 21 years old.

i dread coming home because even though she tries, its never enough

she never cleans up after herself properly (to my standard that is).

i nag all the time and it is not making either of this happy.

To make things more complicated I have no idea if I love her. (I am extremely poor with my feelings and have very little insight into what makes me happy, most of my life so far has been melancholic) When we started dating I was sure I was in love but a couple months after we moved in together it started to fade into me being perpetually annoyed.

We almost broke up with me saying I was unsure and that maybe we should move apart but continue the relationship, since I seemed to enjoy dating her before we moved in together. The idea of my own place excites me so much, even if I roomied with a friend, the idea of my own room that could be perpetually neat to my standards is so compelling.

I'm so lost. Since this is my first relationship, i'm potentially mentally unwell and I have really flat emotions I can't tell what fucking way is up and which is down.

One part of me wants to break up, but it feels like im just quitting trying to improve my self (working on my neuroticism) and I could be throwing away a potential life partner.

The other part wants to stay because even if I'm not sure I love her, I do care for her and want her to be happy and what's to say that I don't carry this problem to my next relationship? What if I really do need to deal with it right now or it will forever haunt me?