Thread replies: 5
Thread images: 2
Thread images: 2
I self-sabotage when it comes to relationships. I show up late, I pick fights, and act overly hurt by small offenses that are easily worked out, and I don't know why.
I get a feeling in my chest that I deserve this. It's a good pain. How do I stop?
My parents were really shitty growing up and I haven't had contact with either of them in about 15 years. I was frequently punished too hard, or not at all, and their relationship was a bad role model for me. When I was punished, I would continue it with self-punishment. I.e. making myself stay in my room for much longer (sometimes days) than my parents told me to initially, or I'd self-harm. Not sure if relevant, but I'm male, autistic and depressed (both diagnosed). I don't know if it's learned helplessness, or misanthropy, or what, but I don't think it's healthy. I coincide it with a feeling and belief I have where I put myself out there, and get shit on in return. I'm routinely left out or uninvited, so I say "fuck it" and do things I enjoy by myself. I haven't had a friend since high school (I'm 25), and I've had maybe 3 healthy relationships out of 6-8.
>>
I'm making this thread because I'm not talking to a really good friend of mine, and I don't know why. He didn't do anything wrong, and is upset I'm not talking to him. I'd be devastated if I lost him, but I'm still actively destroying the relationship. Maybe a part of me wants to either be happy, or kill myself. To sit in the middle is worse, so I'd rather ruin things and push myself to the easier side, since I can't be happy.
>>
>>18533826
Sounds to me you got some serious deep-rooted issues from your childhood that seem to be lingering on. I'd unironically suggest you to go see a psychologist/psyciatrist. Don't worry, they don't put you into looney bin, you could just benefit from some cognitive therapy here that they are trained to perform.
>>
Go see a therapist. You've got hedgehog's dilemma and other issues, fix them now before you get really fucked up
>>
File: tismjpg.jpg (24KB, 256x256px) Image search:
[Google]
24KB, 256x256px
>>18533826
you're a really good person and way too hard on yourself for no reason like you said
if you'd benefit from being alone while you deal with things then you should explain to people why you're doing it if you think they won't be dicks about it (they probably wont), it might ease your mind a little bit to know that they're there for you if/when you want to talk again.
but if you think it'd be better to talk to them and be around them during a time in which you self impose a punishment then it might be a good idea to explain to them anyway that you're feeling shitty and to be patient* or bear with you
this is probably shitty advice but maybe it's a little more doable and self constructive in the short term than talking to a psych about it
Thread posts: 5
Thread images: 2
Thread images: 2