I was feeling so confident at the beginning of the year. I was

Where there is progress there is regress.
Where there is regress there is progress.

Ideally we want to keep progressing always, but mistakes stop us.

It sounds like you have a self esteem problem. You don't think your good enough, why would a complete stranger do?

Confidence is a farce. It's entirely fake it until you make it or you wear some mask of ignorance to be confident.

everyones confidence is glass
confident ppl get confident because of positive feedback and having useful abilities that ppl will want to use

you will get past it with time, and a girl who makes your willy tingle

its ok

>>18526703

This is quite normal. When you have, or believe you have, a romantic attachment with someone, you begin regulating your 'self'-value and emotions in relation to that person. You are psychologically connected to them (they represent the possibilities of being in the world you want) and physiologically with your hormones (you share chemicals with them).

It is natural to feel lacklustre; but if this causing you prolonged distress, and is making you have difficulty attaching with others and/or self-soothing, you may need therapy to learn these techniques.

Your turn of the phrase 'not good enough for love' makes me believe you may have a deeper issue with intimacy and abandonment in your past as it is unlikely one sour romantic endeavour would overturn your self-worth so easily.

Have there been previous issues in relation to abandonment? How old are you OP?

>>18526720
>It is natural to feel lacklustre; but if this causing you prolonged distress, and is making you have difficulty attaching with others and/or self-soothing, you may need therapy to learn these techniques.
I do believe that these feelings have gone on a bit too long and I may need some help to deal with them. Frankly I can't afford therapy and the people I confide in just tell me to "move on" or "find someone else". They're right, and I really wish it was that simple for me. I wish I could go out and pick up another woman, but it honestly feels like I've regressed to the stuttering stupid mess I was when I was 17. I can't even hold a conversation longer than a few minutes anymore.

>Your turn of the phrase 'not good enough for love' makes me believe you may have a deeper issue with intimacy and abandonment in your past as it is unlikely one sour romantic endeavour would overturn your self-worth so easily.
It amazes me how people on /adv/ can hit the nail right on the head sometimes. I do have issues with intimacy. My mom was never one of the "touchy" types. We didn't really hug or kiss until I was in adulthood and it feels forced at times. I've had a few false-start relationships with women but what usually happens is they lose interest pretty fast and say they just want to be friends. This particular woman was the first one I really said "fuck it" and went all in. It felt like I unloaded a lifetime of physical intimacy into her body, and I also felt we deeply connected on an emotional level. I realized I love and crave the touch of a woman and for a few weeks it was amazing, then as she got to know me she slowly started losing interest. I clung and she finally lost all respect for me and cut me off.

>>18526755
>I wish I could go out and pick up another woman, but it honestly feels like I've regressed to the stuttering stupid mess I was when I was 17. I can't even hold a conversation longer than a few minutes anymore.

Well, my first response to this is that therapy is expensive; but it is an efficient way of learning techniques. It is, however, not the only way!

First and foremost, I think you may need to work on non-romantic attachments first. It is great you have friends, and you should use them in building up your confidence in conversation.

I am not an expert in verbal training, but slowly and surely your confidence will pick up conversationally. When I start a new job, I fumble with my words; it is a psychological hang up, nothing physical. With time, you get into the rhythm, you feel the game, and you will want to push the envelope and enter into more detail. This is a small regression, so do not catastrophize.

>My mom was never one of the "touchy" types.

You are starting from a place where you feel deprived or 'deficient' in physical intimacy from your mother, and this is why you pursue your romantic interests so gung-ho because you want approval that you felt lacked in primary attachment figure. You are afraid of being abandoned as you may have felt this way when younger.

This is deeply wired into your brainstem and limbic system. You are going to have to work on self-soothing techniques and become more reliant on self-generating mental states that calm you than depending on others. Googling self-soothing techniques will give you plenty of ideas. I would also suggest throwing yourself into your projects that give you meaning, as this is a great way to improve self-esteem and aid more resilience.

Keep in mind, I am no expert. I am working on these things myself.

>>18526777
Thank you. Your posts are concise and enlightening. I'm loathe to think I'm suffering from "mommy issues" but looking back it certainly seems to be the case. I actually went and google'd abandonment issues after reading your first post and it was like BOOM.

>A person who has experienced abandonment is often more likely to encounter long-term psychological challenges. These concerns are typically based primarily on the fear that abandonment will recur. A child who was physically abandoned by a parent or caregiver may struggle with mood swings or anger throughout life, and these behaviors may alienate potential intimate partners and friends. When a child does not receive adequate emotional support from a parent, perhaps due to the parent’s own psychological issues, the child may not develop healthy self-esteem.
Pretty much explains me to a T. I suffer from mood swings, anger and incredible fear when I feel someone is pulling away. I thought it was just a natural part of feeling like you're losing a partner but the feelings can be so debilitating for me that it absolutely wrecks other parts of my life when it happens. Dating is almost always traumatic for me.

>>18526793
There is nothing wrong with 'mommy issues'. Primary attachment figures are important. It does not have to have the Freudian bent that circulates about.

I am also going to warn you: do not pathologise your issues too much, as this can become self-fulfilling. Just accept you have these traits, and, in this particular context of your life, they are not suited and need to be adapted.

I am pleased you find my posts enlightening. Godspeed.