I'll explain my situation in detail. I'm 19. I don't

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I'll explain my situation in detail.

I'm 19. I don't have a job and I don't go to school or university. I also never kissed anyone and never had a relationship.

Military enlistment and voting are compulsory in my country and I didn't do it, so the gov't took away essential rights from me, like enrolling at universities and renewing my passport.

My country's economy is broken and my family doesn't have any money. Internet and food are in fact the only things I have. My clothes are old and dirty and I don't care about my appearance anymore.

Four years ago, my situation was not bad and I felt in love with a girl from my school. She was intelligent, beautiful and had a unique style. She constantly looked to me nonstop when we met in the halls. One of her friends even told me that she liked me. But since I was very shy, I never talked to her. I only talked to her via the internet, a couple of times. After a while, she seemed to not be interested anymore.

The following year, I left that school. I started to talk with her again. But I was disrespectful: I stalked her a lot and sometimes even told my fetishes to her, so she showed to despise me. We repeatedly stopped and then returned to talk to each other, with me always starting the conversations.

In the midst of all this, I got to know her better. We talked a lot about ourselves, and she seemed interested, to the point of even showing me drawings she made of what appeared to we two kissing. But she always refused to met me personally or even call me on Skype or send pics; she said she was afraid and still kind of despised me.

I stopped talking to her for one year, but in April this year I started again. I showed to her that I'm now another person; that I'm not the same maniac from before. She seemed to understand and not despise me anymore, now talking normally, but she doesn't seem as interested as before.

What should I do?