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TL;DR: I'm a little schoolgirl in a man's body who's worried that their current girlfriend will eventually leave them for someone a little more assertive because they're maybe too nice(?).
We're high-school sweethearts. Her being my first ever girlfriend, I was a tad clueless going in. I wasn't aware of the average procedures of dating, or how to go about it. Thankfully she led me through most of it--from handholding to kissing. I was scared of losing our relationship, even if it was possibly the first of many.
Typically, I try to be assuring, kind, and helpful. I suppose you could say I'm generally submissive. She comes from a family that fought a lot, abused her a lot, so I went about everything with some timidity--trying to be a much more positive, forgiving person for her sake.
When I asked her out on our first date, I recall her saying that the way I went about asking her, with plans already in mind and what I imagine assertion, was attractive. But honestly, I'm a very indecisive person. We always have this innocuous back-and-forth whenever one of us tries to decide what to do next on a date--a seemingly incessant trade of, "What do you want to do?"
But what I'm worried about is, am I not being assertive enough? Does my passiveness turn her off? Before I met her and still to this day, I've been a recluse; an introvert. I'm generally a man of few words, but, according to her, one with insight and unique commentary. But is that really enough to sustain her interest?
I constantly shower her with love and affection and sweet nothings, and when we're getting intimate, I'm--ironically enough--the dominate person; but what if she meets someone who's generally much more assertive?
We say we love each other every day, and we're never not showing affection, but is it too "soft"? Does my being so open about my emotions, even regarding my more depressive moods (never explicit, mind you), possibly jeopardize our relationship?
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>>18526484
Feel like you're thinking about the relationship too much,but If you really love her tell you how you feel not in a breakup sense but what you're saying now.
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>>18526484
Being open about your emotions isn't being soft. Asking for constant reassurance is, though. I don't mind telling someone why I'm happy/sad/mad if they ask. But I also don't go around asking, "Is it ok for me to feel this way? Am I being annoying? Do you still love me?"
You lack confidence in yourself. You're worried that you aren't acting the way you should. If that's the case, then act the way you think you should act, while remembering that while you shouldn't ASK for feedback, you should listen if she complains.
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>>18526502
That's moreso my girlfriend's general disposition. Funnily enough, we're both nervous wrecks about the relationship. Even her, and it's not her first; but it is her longest relationship so far.
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>>18526511
Don't worry. If you were dating in HS, there's like a 99% chance you won't survive, as upon leaving high school, that's when people really start developing into who they are, and they typically don't really settle down on something until after age 25.
So, since you know your relationship is almost guaranteed to fail, no matter what you do, stop worrying about it and enjoy the ride while you can.
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