>be 19
>definitely depressed
>be not drinking because family has alcohol issues
>be not smoking because anxiety issues
>no way to socialize in a setting where people will like me b/c no smoke no drink
>so lonely it physically hurts
>only had 2 gfs, both total bitches
>want companionship but hate people
>what do to help not feel horrible all the tine?
MMOs.
>so lonely
>gfs both total bitches
>hate people
it sounds like you might be the problem, op. beyond counseling, i recommend fixing your sleep schedule, waking up at 9am at the latest, going to sleep before 2am, eating regular healthy meals and drinking lots of water. if you treat your body like shit you're going to feel like shit, and you'll be amazed at how much happier you will feel, how much more energy you will have, and how much nicer your skin, hair, nails, complexion etc. will look if you just take care of your body.
as an added benefit people will be more naturally attracted to you and you'll probably be more likeable and in turn like people more, since you are not being treated like a greasy NEET and in turn hating society
you might feel defensive but i say this as someone who was a depressed shit pile for longer than you have been and the very basics of self care did wonders. nutrition, sleep schedule, hygiene, and eventually exercise if you can stand it, will make you feel amazing and because you don't drink or smoke you've got a leg up already