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Having trouble interacting with people in a very general sense (no friends, no partner, etc.). I guess it's not so much that I am having trouble with shallow interactions and superficial friendships (these come easily), but my issue comes after being cheated on four times (two of which were long term relationships) and being raped two years ago.
Every day sort of goes by with me not feeling anything. Everything is routine simply because it feels like I SHOULD be doing something with myself, not because I actually have an interest in doing these things. The thing that sucks is that I legitimately want to feel happiness but knowing how people are with friends betrayed me (hence why I have no friends -- I cut ties) and such strong negative connotations towards sex that the idea of being in a relationship is pretty scary.
I sort of overcame feelings of suicide but there's still a lot of residual anger when I think about things followed by just really deep depression. It feels like the cost of me having not killed myself has left me as an automation as opposed to being a living person, and it sucks. I'd like to genuinely be happy as opposed to just convincing people of this facade I've been playing for a while.
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>>18524720
>trouble interacting with people in a very general sense (no friends, no partner, etc.)
s: Leil Lowndes "How to make anyone like you".
> and being raped two years ago
s: See a therapist. If you have no money for one subsititute with Priests (I am serious) and "How to manage anxiety/ depression with CBT for dummies".
>and such strong negative connotations towards sex that the idea of being in a relationship is pretty scary.
So do not be in one until you are comfortable with that? There are plenty of Guys and Grills that will be fine with just cuddeling or such in a in a "friends with cuddeling" model. :p Or become Tradcath or Orthobro and only fuck your future partner you find in those circles for procreation.
>it feels like I SHOULD be doing something with myself
s: Then do so. Options: Group sport, Hiking clubs, Reading, Cooking Clubs, Church Groups, Voluntary social work.
As well start to meditate. Especially Hesychasm.
And / or Visit Taizé for a week.
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I'm sorry to hear what has happened and what your going through, Those fucking bastards and as for the rape I don't know what to say. You know what will move you from this place and even taking the time and effort to write about it shows that your motivated to moving beyond your negative experiences, so maybe something else will happen.
My experience of Taize - Night before the Jones town massacre.
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