Hey adv I think I've fucked up, and I don't know how

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I'm even driving past her home town this weekend
I could just arrive with flowers, and apologise

Is it worth it? Did I ruin this relationship beyond fixing, adv?

An hero isn't an option, I still have an aviation career to live for

I'm gonna give you a very balanced opinion, from a distance, here. Sometimes that's best to get through something intense and emotional like a heartache.

I'm not a guru, and my life doesn't reflect any sort of advanced skill at navigating difficult relationships, *but* this is my take on strained relationships

A strained relationship is often still positive *if* it is not monogamous. A strained business partnership, a strained friendship, a strained family relationship...Even though the relationship is hard at times, if it's ultimately positive, then there's nothing to lose. You can have more than one friend, more than one business partner, and more than only family member.

In something monogamous like romance, there is a lot to lose feeling like your *one* maybe doesn't want you.

Still, I would
-not confuse fact with feeling
-try to consider how she feels
-not necessarily throw the relationship away or do anything harsh

DO NOT DO ANY MORE OF THIS PUSH/PULL STUFF. ONLY BE POSITIVE TO HER. If she can't reciprocate, then that is not your problem to take on or deal with. Do you understand? I would like a reply to know you understand this part.

Hopefully you don't see my feedback as trying to guide you in any way, because that would be silly of me, and I can't tell what path is the best for you (especially not over 4chan).

And about her cutting herself

I have to admit that it's a big red flag, even if I don't want to. No matter how nice a person is, them inflicting self-harm to deal with emotions by cutting themselves open and maybe scarring themselves is not okay with me.

I (and you most likely) judge people based on what the say, what they do etc. It's statistically proven for instance that someone having had too many sex partners and/or relationships in the past is less likely to have a successful marriage. So I (and probably you) use these facts about people to signal whether it's a good idea to emotionally invest in them or not.

People turn a blind eye to the cutting thing because they feel bad. Regardless, it's a gigantic red flag.

It probably looks like I'm trying to guide you away from this person at this point, but that is not the case. You have already invested a lot in this person, and you are probably impossible to dissuade (not that I'm trying to), so I'm not trying to dissuade you. I understand how you feel, having had severe problems and having fallen in love with someone who had severe problems.

I've seen really beautiful documentaries about GOOD people who were completely self-loathing and crazy, stories about how a husband was suffering from borderline personality disorder and would cut himself really badly, think about suicide every day.

As troubling as it was for his wife, he kept himself afloat at the same time as he supported his family very well, and I got the impression that he was much better to his wife than average.

So every individual case is different. I'm just trying to shed some light as an unbiased party here.

>>18511134
>>18511166
Thank you for your reply. It's a lot to think about, and I appreciate you reading it.

I think I should let her go, she needs a good support network and someone to be there for her, and I just can't be that person
Plus I know I have problems with responsibility, and feeling like I'm to look after people. That's one thing my therapist is working on with me.

Hopefully she won't hate me too much, but she's younger than I am and she's mentally pretty tough, so there's hope yet. I'm sure she'll find a better fit.

>>18511190
>she'll find a better fit

What about you, nigga? I'd be tryna tap that ass. My doctor told me to get a fine one with no stds. and to bust inside at least once a day, for my mental and physical health.