Is anyone available to just...talk? I feel like my depression

>>18506641
Talk away, I've got a long while. Also, happy bday :)

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>>18506641
Same here, feel free to just openly vent! You should have a fun B-Day!

>>18506641
Everyone has worse days.
Mine just passed. Sometimes you just need to let it all out.

>>18506641
Semper placet colloqui.

>>18506676
>>18506680
>>18506704
>>18506706
Holy crap, thanks anons. I'm tearing up just from feeling so "reached out to"

My issue is that I'm deeply in love with a girl, C, and we've been having the best relationship of our lives together. We comfort each other and laugh together and I love her.

The only thing is that while I think I want kids in the future, and she's unsure/seems to lean towards no. It makes me feel less confident about our future together and kind of poisons my faith in our connection. We've talked about it before and she's been really understanding and comforting about it, but I just CAN'T STOP feeling like I need to bring it up. My mind feels like it needs a "chew toy" to constantly harp on and lately that's it.

Maybe it's too early in our lives and our relationship to really worry about this matter, but that's not stopping my stupid brain from trying. I'm really bad at living in the moment even though I desperately want to. Especially because she's planning an awesome birthday date with gifts and stuff and I don't want to ruin it with breaking down upset. I know I COULD discuss this with her again if I needed to, but after talking to her about it multiple times, I feel like I'm just badgering her to pacify me, know what I mean? "Anon pooped his emotional diaper AGAIN because he saw a cute baby on the street."

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>>18506743
Perhaps sit down with this girl and tell her how you feel. Tell her about your worries and feelings, but make it clear that you value your relationship with her highly, and don't want to force this issue. Make it clear that rather than force her into your way of thinking, you want her help in trying to overcome your worries; hopefully she'll support you!

>>18506743
I wouldn't minimize this if you're planning a life together. However, you should not be like a dog on a bone with the topic. You simply state children are important to your future and discuss the topic. If you're young that doesn't mean you cannot continue to date and have fun for awhile. If you're not, then you may want to move on if she's not interested.
It sounds like she may be young. Often times girls change their mind after getting married and settling down. So it's something that needs to be worked out sooner or late before marriage enters the picture.

>>18506743

Don't panic, anon. You "think" you want kids, she's "unsure". Nothing seems to be definitive yet on either side. Take a deep breath.

Think about what you have: a beautiful relationship that's founded on love and comfort. While kids can definitely be a joy as well as a burden, you already have what most other people would kill for.

If she's unsure about having kids, odds are she's way better prepared to have them than the thousands of people who get knocked up without having a clue whatsoever. Raising children is hard work, and requires sacrifice. She seems to understand this, and it is your job to be the best boyfriend you can be, to prove to her that no one else is better suited to be the father of her children than you are. If you can take away the doubt, and objectively you have to admit there are a number of good reasons to have doubts about wanting children these days, odds are she'll change her mind.

Ultimately though, it is her decision. You can only make yourself available and make your intentions known, but if she won't have kids with you, you will have to choose between giving up what you have for - a chance - at having children with someone else. But will you love that person as much, or more than the girl you have now?

Think of what you have. Think of what you have to gain, and of what you have to lose. You are in a good place right now, anon. In my opinion, things can only get better for you from here on out. Just don't let the issue of having or not having kids become like a heavy stone around your neck, dragging you both down to the depths of relationship hell. Life is full of regrets no matter how you live it, choosing is losing.

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>>18506743
Have you discussed with her why she doesn't want kids? Often the reason is that they feel unprepared, like they're not mature enough for a kid.
If you are married and living together, that often gives you the confidence to say "I think I can raise a kid" and people often change their mind at this point. Try discussing this scenario with your girlfriend (be sensitive and calm, state it like a serious but hypothetical situation)

>>18506751
Right, there have been a few talks we've had where I've basically said that. "I don't need you to change your mind, but I do need you to comfort me after this emotional topic coming into our lives." It's worked really well. Maybe I need to do that again, or I need to review those discussions and how they helped me before. Like that other anon says, I can be like a dog with a bone, or I'll be addicted to receiving that comfort again and again for the same thing, which takes a toll on the person comforting me. It's an issue I've struggled with with other worries too. I have tons of people who support me in life, but sometimes I'll go back to them over and over for reassurance and it'll exasperate them. Too much of a good thing

>>18506765
You're right anon. I've gotta spit out the bone, and that's why I needed to vent I guess. We're both young (she's 23 and I'll be 23 this weekend) and the relationship is young (1.5 years), but we just really click and we start wondering about the what ifs. She's definitely of the mind that now is not the time to worry about kids, but telling me it's not time to worry is hilariously useless.

>>18506773
You're right. Nothing is set in stone and I do have something beautiful, but it's scary to think that this issue could end that beauty. Everyone has regrets, but I'm scared of those regrets piling up as my life goes on. It feels like I'm at 95% happiness right now, and I don't know if I should plummet myself to 0 for a while for a chance at 100, or if I'll just be throwing away a good thing. I don't know. We literally mapped it out as:

Me:
>"I definitely don't want kids right now, but I think as life goes on I might be the kind of person who does."

C:
>"I definitely don't want kids right now, but in the future, I don't know how I'll feel."

It's just frightening to think I could lose someone I love and have to search to replace them while also condemning them to the same hurt and search.

>>18506774
Yeah, mostly it seems like it has to do with her family. They're nice people,but they're sometimes fake or just a bit selfish. It makes her think that the whole "happy family" thing is a charade. My family ain't perfect and is in a lot of ways meaner than hers but I KNOW we love each other. Plus she's worried about how kids would affect her career and enjoyment of life. She loves to travel and wants me to come with her, which feels really special. I want to travel and have amazing experiences too, but at the end of it all I want a lively home to settle back to, yknow? Everything else feels like "I'm having amazing fun, but it's just killing time."

This is feeling really good anons. Thank you, so much.

Is it impolite to bump and see if anyone is still out there? No maatter what, thanks for helping me to feel better. I think I'll be able to meditate a bit and relax and hopefully have some fun