Thinking about killing myself. At first it was extreme depression

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you can beat me up anytime anon

>>18505381
A human punching bag would be great.

>>18505249
Don't unless you just wanna be revived and life this life again but worse.

Sounds like depression to me. Much more effective than offing yourself is to SEEK PROFESSIONAL HELP. I'm serious OP, it's not something anyone should do on their own. Take all the help you can get

>>18505403

I'm fairly serious but i doubt we live close

>>18505415
I would love to get professional help. It's just that my insurance doesn't really cover that sort of thing and I don't make money to do that stuff. A few years back I was seeing a professional and I sort of came to the conclusion that I knew how to let things go, but I was unable to. I had worked out a lot of my feelings prior to seeing a professional (which drained my savings), and so a lot of our discussions were ending in agreement of how I needed to approach the situation and how I needed to approach myself.

The only thing is that I was unable to do that. I was fixated on fantasies about hurting the people who wronged me (my fiance cheating on me at the time was what caused it) that I sort of mad a huge breakdown and quit my job because I couldn't accept that I was powerless to change what had happened.

I feel like I'm in the exact same place I was, except over the last year-and-a-half I was making real strides overcoming past trauma from abuse, negligence, and rape. In fact, 3 months ago I had told a close friend that I felt like it was manageable in my daily life. Everything recently sort of crashed down when the girl I have been in a relationship cheated on me while we were taking a break because her mom's brother had died within a month of learning he had leukemia. It was supposed to be a time where she could be there for her mom while she was grieving in addition to reflecting on herself to be a less abusive partner, and instead she had cheated on me.

It's not that I'm so caught up on prior traumas as it is that my history has sort of spiritually exhausted me and I was building myself back up, leading a new life for myself by saving up money for consecutive semesters of community college while financially stabilizing my family on top of my own responsibilities. It was a really low blow that hit my self-esteem really hard. What made it worse was her bragging over the infidelity. It was probably the last thing I needed to happen, right now.

>>18505418
Fly out to me, anon.

do you have discord, OP?

>>18505480
I do.

Psyme#0966
lets chat

>>18505249
Get a hobby like boxing or MMA fighting.
Use that excess of anger into something positive.

Or
Hang yourself, just remember to shit and piss before doing it.

>>18505493
Combat sports is not positive at all, you're only fueling your anger management issues

>>18505499

practicing sports like that would be a healthy alternative to being violent elsewhere

>>18505502
Yeah, people who practice fighting never get into fights outside of competition :)

>>18505506
Well, hang yourself then.

>>18505506
people who don't practice fighting get into fights as well

>>18505517
Op: i actually have been doing martial arts for some time now. It's actually one of my biggest passions and my friend who I train with wants me to see him more often because he thinks it'll help but I haven't been eating much lately so my energy is like zero. I did buy a new pair of gloves before this all went down though. Just haven't been motivated but maybe wasted money can motivate me, at least for me.

>>18505533
it's good to hear you have something you have fun with

>>18505547
*at least for now

We'll see. I'll hit that guy up on discord. Life is pretty shitty but it's not like I don't want to work through it. Just tired of always working through something. Appreciate the advice from people though.