All my life I try to be helpful towards other people, offering

>I've been told I "feign niceness" even after shit like giving somebody something expensive, even though everyone else is a complete asshole.
So you're nice to people but secretly think they're complete assholes? Or did you decide they were assholes after they did something to you i.e. collusion?

Machiavelli once said.

"Nearly no one is entirely good nor are they wholly evil there are a few people out there that are but, they will be so at great expense"

You have an asshole streak in you. You learn to be a dick when you need to be.

Be nice when it suits you.

If you have to wear a mask is the mask not something you created? Not something you wear. It might as well be a part of you.

>>18499423
>Or did you decide they were assholes after they did something to you i.e. collusion?
I try to give people the benefit of the doubt, which has bitten me in the ass more times than I could count. I wouldn't say I'm overly trusting, growing wary in the last few years, but I never assume anybody is an asshole until I see evidence to support it.
>>18499432
Being nice is who I am, which is why I have a huge problem with being a dick when I need to, as I would feel like I am changing myself to what a terrible person wants.

>>18499442
My best advice to you is to try and come off as less judgemental and condescending. If someone is offered advice or help, they might feel insecure like you've deemed them incapable of dealing with their own problems. I'm not saying you are judgemental or condescending, just that it might be interpreted that way. Just give people a bit of space to try and resolve things themselves until they're really struggling.

>>18499457
Theres two things.

First off, I try to avoid offering help for small things, and try to keep my advice for people when I see they are in a spiral or about to make a huge mistake, because secondly, I went the route of a bystandard before, and because of it, I've had friends get married and divorced a year later, I've had friends get raped, friends in abusive relationships, and friends pushed to the point of suicide.

Deep down, I feel guilty, like I could have done something to prevent this, even when I was overtly lecturing people, they still ended up in a terrible position, and I feel like I failed them. People say they failed themselves, but I feel responsible by proxy.

I had somebody I used to know do a lot of drugs, and originally I avoided telling them how to live their lives, but as it went on, I had to say something, about what they were doing, and I was yelled at. The bridge burned and I didn't care anymore because of how they treated me. A few weeks ago, a mutual friend told me they OD'd. I know they mostly brought that upon themselves, but I feel like I should have tried harder.

If you put up with shitty people they will just shit up your life by associating with them, you might think not having any friends at work is bad but it's way better than making friends with fucking morons who get you in trouble.

Eventually you will find some decent people who appreciate other decent people, but you'll miss them if you give into being a generic shithead and never have good relationships.

>>18499500
>Eventually you will find some decent people who appreciate other decent people
After 29 years I've yet to find evidence to support this.

>>18499412
>I've been told I "feign niceness" even after shit like giving somebody something expensive, even though everyone else is a complete asshole.
If everyone else is being an asshole, the one that isn't will seem suspicious. Nothing you can do about that, it's just how people are, and there are probably real good reasons for that too.

Anyway, I would say you should be pickier with who you are nice to.
In general, it's not smart to be unconditionally nice (or any other behavior for that matter) because it will make people take you for granted. Essentially if you're so dependable that you become predictable, you encourage manipulation. You're essentially presenting yourself as a tool.

Another issue with being too nice is that it can give people the idea that you would be unable (or unwilling) to stand up to a third party, which makes them less likely to trust you.

>>18499488
>People say they failed themselves, but I feel responsible by proxy.
That's just plain unhealthy to do. By all means keep on trying to help people within their boundaries, but never feel guilty. You're no messiah, you're not responsible for their choices and your ability to help others is limited to how much they want help in the first place. It may be harsh to hear, but the guy that OD'd had it coming. The rape thing is different though, unless you knew the attacker beforehand and he gave off clear signs of creepiness it's pretty much impossible to predict. All you could do there is offer support after the event.
If you still feel guilty for other people mistakes, learn to value the freedom that people have to make those mistakes in the first place. Keep doing what you're doing, drop the guilt and let them lie in the beds they make despite your support.

>>18499516
>let them lie in the beds they make
I've been i situations like that before, and I want to save them from that fate.

>>18499539
Then fuck it, you may as well go live their lives for them. I've offered you advice and given you the benefit of the doubt, cut the self-pity party, get off your high horse and focus on living your own life while being supportive to others WITHOUT the angsty guilt shit. If you see that as becoming an "asshole" then you're delusional.

>>18499585
>If you see that as becoming an "asshole" then you're delusional.
I don't, and I get what you're saying.

>>18499412
Become a buddhist

All doubt will be erased