It's 2 am here in Lyon and I can't sleep. I have half

(2/2)

I am a fucking idiot and I'm mentally ill. Like I'm 99% sure that I have some severe psychiatric disorder but I have no medical authority to try and diagnose it (so it's obviously not narcissistic). Not only have I realized that I need to think like a hopeless fool in order to stay at least somewhat sane but that I'm also unable to be autonomous entirely despite the fact I'm 19 and at my age should know full well what the fuck I'm doing.

I won't lie. I want to go home. I had a lot of things set in motion that I had to put on pause for this shitty trip and I don't feel appreciated in the slightest. Even about France, I had zero expectations of doing anything at all and I'm still sorely disappointed.

Atlas, I don't care if you don't really exist. If you're reading this, please bother trying to contact me in the next day or so. I don't really care how you do it.

I can't do with this much more than I already am.

>>18498193
>your parents are rich enough that they can send you to france to study abroad
I'm inclined to agree with your mother on principle, but I'm decidedly middle-class so obviously we take different things for granted
your brother sounds like a stereotypical spoiled rich kid, and while it's unfortunate that he destroyed your laptop, you can be better than him by working hard and taking advantage of your economic situation better than he does
as far as the delusional fantasies go, I wake up every morning wishing I could win the lottery and complaining to myself that I'm not rich, so at least you're not alone in dreaming for something more than you have
if you need someone to talk to, hit me up at [email protected]

>>18498231
>Atlas
who's that

>>18498193
>>18498231

lol, i'm actually a frenchfag living in lyon, can't sleep either

You seem depressed, but honestly things do not seem so bad. You seem able and your parents seem wealthy.

What kind of mental disorder do you think you have ? Also, it's totally okay not to be autonomous at 19, it's still pretty young.

And if you can't stand your parents that much, why don't you try to finish your studies and get a job as fast as you can so you can be independant ? Nothing's stopping you.

>>18498294
gonna hazard a guess that it's the name she uses to refer to her "dream boyfriend"

>>18498231
>I am a fucking idiot and I'm mentally ill
you are if you keep saying this to yourself
you aren't mentally ill and an idiot
>>18498299
I found it more than that, because of the definition of 'atlas'

>>18498303
well it's probably not in reference to a map. atlas in mythology was the titan who held up the sky (or the world, depending on your definition)
I'm going to surmise that she's looking for someone who's willing to take the weight of the world off her shoulders, sweep her off her feet and make her happy. who wouldn't?

>>18498307
I forgot of that mythology as well
I wish I was capable of doing that to anyone, instead of it to be wished upon me, wouldn't you?

>>18498193
Of course you're depressed. You're in France, where depression, tormented artistes, and existentialism were born. If you aren't plumbimg the depths of despair, you might as well be in fucking Belgium: France is for suffering and ecstasy rolled into one bipolar bundle.

>>18498248
They're not rich. They just don't allocate their funds well enough.

I'm not even joking. My parents have continuously told me that we're on the cusp of middle-class and poor. Back in the US we live in a fucking neighborhood suburb that's infested with dindus. I've never gotten more than $100 in my life even at a graduation party yet they had enough money to send us all to France.

I'd say it's more nepotism than wealth. My father is the professor hosting the study abroad. My parents are both employed by the university near where I live. Despite this, I still wouldn't call my family "rich."

I'm upset with them for being irresponsible if nothing else. I especially am not wealthy at all.

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>ywn save someone from the depths of despair

>>18498312
of course. most people want to be able to make anyone they see happy (because they seek validation)
>>18498317
oh wow that's shitty. where in the states do you live, the midwest? you at least seem to have the self-awareness necessary to make your own way in the world if you try. have you got your associate's degree yet?

>>18498325
not to differentiate myself from everyone, but it's not about lifting their burdens. I would also wish to make anyone angry, sad, fearful.
It's about having the ability to send people through their emotions.

>>18498330
oh, so you want to be able to manipulate people. I'd teach you how but >4chan lol

>>18498333
It's just a wish for the silver tongue.
>they fell for the 4chan meme

>>18498343
I mean that's probably a contributing reason why you don't have one lmao

>>18498325
Michigan (but not Detroit). It's my first year in college... actually this study abroad is my first class before classes even start. Which I think is a bit stupid... but I mean.

I'm also a guy, not a girl. I just happen to be a little bitch and I'm aware of that. Putting my life on track was literally the many things I had to put on pause for the trip because my father had decided out of nowhere "HEY EVERYBODY LET'S GO TO FRAAAAAANCE"

>>18498344
you fell for it as much as me here, senpai

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>mention I'm a guy
>thread dies
ok.
fucking stupid bump anyhow.

>>18498297
To answer your second question, I can't specifically say. I remember when I was playing that fucking furbait game "Night in the Woods" and I could relate entirely with the main character when she (major spoilers, sorry) was talking to the gods in her dreams and the town mines. Like I find myself struggling to really understand what I am and as a result things seem different...? In the same way I could have a tea party with Cthulhu whereas an average man would fucking die, to put it lightly.

Nobody has diagnosed me with any disassociative disorder and I didn't know there was a specific one that Mae had until months after I had beaten the game.

As for the other questions, I think I've already answered the lot of them.